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The more I read, the more I agree with others who have suggested that the guy may be dealing with depression and that has simply robbed him of all ability to take action. I mean - the whole taxes debacle . . . and putting his home in jeopardy . . . that is serious stuff and I would not put it under the heading of "procrastination." It is seriously disturbing and self destructive behavior.
Also, working for FIL . . . maybe all this has coalesced into a terribly depressing situation for OP's husband.
I am probably the ONLY person saying this so sorry, OP but are you ABSOLUTELY SURE he is still ENGAGED in the marriage?
And not doing extra curricular?
THAT's what it sounds like to ME.
LOL - I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like he has checked out and is thinking of "other" things. Hoping someone will get the hint and maybe start the d-I-v-o-r-c-e. If he is a procrastinator, he won't want to do it himself and he won't feel guilty when he conveniently lands somewhere else.....
I agree with the posters who suggested depression. Depression was my first thought, at least. OP, since you do the cooking I'm going to guess that you also do the shopping. Get him some Vitamin D and St. John's Wort and see if they help. They couldn't hurt, at least. I suggest that since it sounds like the husband won't bother to make a doctor's appointment himself.
He's treating you like a mother instead of a wife. Why is this? Does feeling obligated to work for your father instead of finding his own career make him feel child like and less of a man? He's definitely angry and is expressing it is passive aggressive behavior. He may or may not be aware of what's bugging him, but he's not going to change until he's out from under it either in or outside of your marriage. Many times we women fail to realize how important a man's work is to his self esteem.
Or trade him in for a "new model"? (Actually the newer models are quite self centered these days, try an older model - visit a senior center or volunteer for Habitat for Humanity [yourself, not him]).
I traded my procrastinating husband in for a woman and never looked back
I traded my procrastinating husband in for a woman and never looked back
There ya go! Try something different.
I once had to have roommates (due to living in a high rent city) and had a terrible time finding anyone responsible. Finally I sold all my furniture and moved in with someone who was the homeowner - THEN I found someone responsible!
OP, you and your dad have been enabling your husband for at least 12 years.
Your husband sounds a lot like my brother - before he was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia at age 40. Prior to that, due to his intelligence and the enabling of his wife and my parents, he was able to "hang on" to what looked from the outside like a normal enough life - but if left to his own devices he would have crashed and burned. In fact, that's what finally happened - my dad finally fired him and his wife left him (she never accepted that he was mentally ill and when he wouldn't "carry his own weight" she finally divorced him) and suddenly, maintaining his own life was his responsibility and he couldn't do it. Long story short, he had a rather spectacular breakdown involving about 20 different branches of law enforcement and FINALLY got the help he had needed (and we'd been begging him to get) for twenty years.
Now he's on the correct meds and in a treatment program and though he will always be mentally ill, his results have been excellent. The sad thing is, he could probably be a good husband now, but it's too late. His wife wouldn't have accepted the diagnosis of a mental illness anyway, so I guess that's no great loss, but it would have been nice if she'd actually been part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
I think your husband needs a psychological evaluation and you need to sign up for some counseling as well. This isn't a "phase" he's going through if he's been procrastinating to this extent for 12 years.
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