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I assume you looked at condos and townhouses. Not sure where is CA you are, but it sounds like if you really want to own you'll have to make trade-offs, which may or may not be a good choice. CA is tough, I lived there years ago, getting into a house is a chore.
I think the advice given here is good. You mentioned children. If you have kids, you have a duty to make a home for them wherever home is. I agree with others that hanging pictures should be done. Painting is not that hard, and you can always repaint as someone else has said. But even if you don't paint, you can can decorate. Make wherever you live your home.
From your description it sound as if your DH is pretty negative too. He doesn't want to fill holes in walls. What? I can't imagine what he things he will be doing in his own house. Times are tight, and he won't accept financial help from his FIL? You both need to talk this over. You need a plan. If moving works, then do so. You don't have to fight with your mom over this. Just refuse to engage.
So, if you are sure you can find jobs outside of CA, then I'd do so. Choose carefully. If you opt to stay, then find another income stream, and make a plan for doing what you want to do. It might be that you have to give up your fine neighborhood to do what you want to do in CA. But I'd want to move where the schools are good; that would be my top priority.
Thank you to all for replying and giving me encouragement- it helps, trust me. My husband is in the HVAC field so getting a job in the southwest would be NO problem- his company has hubs all over the world and TX is no exception. DH also recently found out that he wouldn't be able to ask for a transfer until he was in for a certain amount of time and that time is at the end of 2015.
Condos are often pricier than homes because of the HOA fees out here- I was FLOORED when I saw some of the HOA fees for houses listed in TX. Some were only $25 per YEAR! The average where I am is $250-300+ a month so buying a condo actually turns out to be just as expensive as a house that is $25K+ more. It doesn't make any sense to us.
My parents made me feel incredibly guilty when my DH and I announced we were looking to move so far away. And several of you are right, it IS an issue of control and power. My father was in a position of power his whole career and it gave him an epic ego and the undying sense that HE is always right and us moving away would be, and I quote, "The f*ing dumbest thing you could ever do, you will ruin you lives". Which means, you guys are going to ruin OUR lives (my parents) and we are going to make you doubt yourselves so much and say so much crappy stuff that you won't ever consider leaving again. During our search and inquiry of TX I stood my ground and wouldn't listen to them- I was determined to do what was best for us. In the end, my DH and I decided that we couldn't justify leaving for the pay he was being offered and, to put it plainly, we caved into the guilt trips. It's very hard to maintain convictions when the opposition is literally staring you in the face all of the time.
So, we put everything on the back burner and tried to look in CA again but of course, nothing panned out. Then my dad was hospitalized and then my mom's health started to get worse and I began to wonder if moving away would be selfish on OUR parts.
In the end, several of you are right- it is MY responsibility to make my own life and the lives of my children and DH happy ones. I have been allowing the bitterness to cloud my happiness and joy and that isn't right. My family deserves a happy mama/wife and I need to create that happiness regardless of what is going to happen in the future. It doesn't make sense for me to be unhappy because we are in limbo- I need to be able to look past that and focus on the good things we have.
If you husband has HVAC skills he doesn't have to "ask for a transfer". He simply puts his resume out to the HVAC companies in the town you want to move to and/or calls them up. There are 1000's upon 1000's of HVAC jobs. He probably isn't working at the greatest one if they are a national chain..... Sounds like you're making excuses to keep dwelling in misery. Take control of your situation and tell the parents you a grown woman.
I would make all your moving plans before you announce the great news to your parents...just like this.
"We have great news, we are so excited. We bought a house in __________ Tx and have just closed on it and are moving in a week"...and do it on the phone.
I have a friend married to a physician, she is a nurse. They both worked full time and couldn't afford more then a 2 bedroom condo in socal. They went to texas and have a giant lovely home, brand new. Plus, no earth quakes (the heat is a little much though).
There is NOTHING selfish about doing what is right for you and your husband. Your parents are being selfish.
I know some people from SoCal do not "like" Phoenix, and I have nothing against Texas. Actually, for homes I prefer Texas--I think in general you can get a more stylish home with nicer finishes in most parts of Texas (talking newer construction). You also have a wider variety of lifestyle choices in the different cities in Texas. The reason I suggested Phoenix is that it's a driveable distance from your family, or a very short and cheap flight.
Schools vary by neighborhood like anywhere else. In our neighborhood, the schools are very good--we have a vacation home in the West Valley. A little research will tell you which neighborhoods are family friendly with good schools and which aren't, and since the Valley of the Sun is enormous, there's plenty to choose from.
I agree with the poster who said if your husband is HVAC he can likely write his own ticket. But homes in the East Valley and West Valley areas around Phoenix are a great value in our opinion, in family-oriented master planned communities if you so choose, with reasonable HOA fees. On Realtor.com have a look at Verrado in Buckeye (pretty far out but the traffic here is not as bad as in SoCal), Estrella Mountain Ranch in Goodyear (this is where we are, and also a bit removed but not a bad drive "into town"--if you want to be closer to the interstate, Palm Valley in Goodyear is also lovely and searchable on Realtor.com), Arrowhead Ranch in Glendale. The closer in to Phoenix you are, the higher prices you'll find, but NOTHING compared to SoCal, even in Scottsdale.
North of PHX is Anthem, which is very popular with families. Verrado and Anthem have private water companies, but are nice and green and people from the coasts seem to like them a lot.
East Valley--the towns of Chandler and Gilbert are very popular and good home values too.
Lots of builder finishes, but at these prices we felt we could personalize a home and not worry about it. You can easily get a 4 bedroom house with a pool for $250k in Estrella Mountain Ranch, which is a beautifully done master planned community, and $300k will get you into a 3/2 in a decent neighborhood almost anywhere in the valley (not central PHX or Scottsdale), probably with a pool if you want one, and for sure in a subdivision that has a community pool.
Not trying to sell you on Phoenix at all. Coming from Montana, the housing prices looked great to us, and we prefer the blue sky in AZ to the humidity of TX. (I like the heat in both places.) For you, the proximity to California might be a plus.
I know about being between a rock and a hard place, but I'm sure your parents love you and want you to be happy. And if not, what have you to lose?!
Last edited by Montanama; 02-05-2015 at 08:35 AM..
I so get where you are coming from. It's hard to make a rental your home. However, start. When you buy a house, more headaches will come with maintenance. Things will sneak up and just sock you in your savings.
See if you can paint the walls, put pictures up, make it your own as much as you can. Your DH needs to compromise a bit and allow you to make your rental a home.
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