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If you husband has HVAC skills he doesn't have to "ask for a transfer". He simply puts his resume out to the HVAC companies in the town you want to move to and/or calls them up. There are 1000's upon 1000's of HVAC jobs. He probably isn't working at the greatest one if they are a national chain..... Sounds like you're making excuses to keep dwelling in misery. Take control of your situation and tell the parents you a grown woman.
Actually, DH is working at a worldwide company, one that services people like the government and Microsoft, to name a few. It is definitely NOT a national chain, it's a top-notch company and he was heavily recruited by them. He knows he is going to continue to go far in this company, especially since he is one of only 4 tech's who can work on certain equipment in the state- leaving this company would be very, very stupid, especially since they offer positions out in TX.
Absolutely NOT. This is giving them even more power over you because they will always be able to say "we paid for your house blah blah blah." DO NOT give them this power or you will never be happy. It's already part of their power over you -- daddy can give or withhold something you want.
^^^ This is exactly what would happen, no matter how much my parents say that they "want to help" and that it is a "gift". There would always be that nagging thought in the forefront of my mind that it was THEIR money that helped purchase the house and if DH and I did something to the house that they didn't like, my father would especially take it upon himself to lay on the criticism/advice. My dad is a handy guy like my DH and he would take it upon himself to go to the hardware store and pick up all this stuff and then when we tell him "no, thank you" he would get very offended and I would be called ungrateful or selfish for not accepting what he was offering, even if we didn't ask for it- that has happened many times before. My siblings would get involved despite it being none of their business and it having nothing to do with them- they are very entitled like that.
On one hand I have thought that they SHOULD give us the money if they want us to stick around- then common sense rears itself and I know that it is not money that would be given freely, regardless of what they say. And, as I posted before (I think I posted it) my DH does NOT want to take money from my parents at all.
My parents are good, loving people...they're just overbearing a lot of the time and don't understand that DH and I have a deep need to provide for our own family and really want to provide our kids with security and simple things: a dog to love (we can't have a dog at our rental) a nice yard to play in and run around, a good, solid school they can learn and be safe in. We DO have a stable life for the most part and they don't know the difference between us renting and owning a home; it's just a difference that DH and I know and feel.
You go your whole life striving for the "American Dream" and then it slaps you in the face that all of that may just be a complete line of bulls$%&- and THAT is hard to swallow.
Actually, DH is working at a worldwide company, one that services people like the government and Microsoft, to name a few. It is definitely NOT a national chain, it's a top-notch company and he was heavily recruited by them. He knows he is going to continue to go far in this company, especially since he is one of only 4 tech's who can work on certain equipment in the state- leaving this company would be very, very stupid, especially since they offer positions out in TX.
Ok my apologies, usually HVAC techs aren't that specialized and are in demand everywhere so that's what I was going off of. I was thinking he worked as just an HVAC tech at a random company.... Anyways good luck and get out of the failed state of California while you still can.
Have you considered a Tiny House? There is a fairly strong movement in California led by Jay Shafer.
A tiny house would be your own. You could decorate it anyway you wanted. You could avoid rent or a mortgage, if you put it on your own land. And you could take it with you wherever you move.
........You could avoid rent or a mortgage, if you put it on your own land. ........
OP is in Southern California. That tiny lot to put her tiny house on might cost $250,000 or more. That's going to necessitate some rent or mortgage.
Actually, in order to have a tiny house, OP might need to buy a rural property, and that might cost a lot more than $250,000, unless she is located in some barren unsettled section of desert where there isn't any water.
And good luck with no emotional "strings" attached to doing that. Bad move in my book to suggest such a thing.
Well, I'll tell you, the reason I suggested it is because it will shut them up. Reason being, they already offered to 'loan' the money, but they didn't offer to 'give' it. Which means they're not going to. So it's a way out for the original poster. "Ok, I would stay if you'd give me the money, but since you're not, then we gotta move." This keeps the blame on them, the original poster and her family are free to go where they want. Anytime the parents complain about it, then the OP can say "Well, we offered you the chance to keep us here, but you didnt take it."
Well, I'll tell you, the reason I suggested it is because it will shut them up. Reason being, they already offered to 'loan' the money, but they didn't offer to 'give' it. Which means they're not going to. So it's a way out for the original poster. "Ok, I would stay if you'd give me the money, but since you're not, then we gotta move." This keeps the blame on them, the original poster and her family are free to go where they want. Anytime the parents complain about it, then the OP can say "Well, we offered you the chance to keep us here, but you didnt take it."
I can see what you're trying to do. But the problem is I think it can still backfire as though they may indeed not give them the money, they could still pull the guilt trip and say "how dare you ask us/take advantage of us to give you the money after our generous offer of lending it too you!". ie, turning the tables around to make the other side look bad. Not sure about yourself, but I've seen this happen with friends over and over again and it gets ugly until a person grows a spine and speaks up for themselves, decides to stop the control freak cycle.
So in the end, I'd run far away from people who are control freaks/manipulators as they always have something else up their sleeve to try to manipulate/control people. I've seen it time and time again with friends and sadly, most don't know how to say "no" and move on and live their own lives.
So in the end, I'd run far away from people who are control freaks/manipulators as they always have something else up their sleeve to try to manipulate/control people. I've seen it time and time again with friends and sadly, most don't know how to say "no" and move on and live their own lives.
Yeah, like you said, it's time for the OP to grow a spine.
I've lived in CA for 36 years and been a renter the whole time. I sometimes wish I had bought a condo but if I had I wouldn't be living in the beautiful area I am and met some of the great friends I have, so who knows??? In CA, there is no shame in renting, you'd be surprised how many people out there rent homes and I'd bet probably at least 50% of the people who own got money from their families in order to do so. Almost everybody needs help to get started in the housing market here.
I would definitely start making a home for yourself here (even though it might be short term)...there is something about fixing up a place and making it your own. It opens up other possibilities. The old "bloom where you are planted" thing. Anyway, it's the bank that really owns the home until you pay it off so it's just a matter of semantics and math.
The Sacramento area housing is less expensive I believe and it still has the great California weather. And you'd be somewhat farther away yet still close enough. You might want to check it out.
We picked one of the most desirable places in the world to live with the greatest weather in the country, so of course it's going to be a challenge and sacrifices made to live here. Seems you and your family need to make a decision on what is more important...owning a home or the location you live.
I have a friend who inherited a house here and it's been a money pit ever since...so be careful what you wish for. A home is a full time project in one way or the other. Wish you all the best in whatever you choose (remember, there are always more than choice).
Anyway, it's the bank that really owns the home until you pay it off so it's just a matter of semantics and math.
One of the smartest things anyone on here has said about home ownership.
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Bad move in my book to suggest such a thing.
