We're just not happy (boyfriend, husband, parent, father)
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I don't know where to go from here. My DH and I have been trying to buy a house in So Cal for more than 3 years and have been upstaged by cash investors and ridiculously high prices every time. We tried to go to TX but that didn't work out. My parents and siblings had an absolute SH%^ FIT when we made that announcement and let me tell you, nothing has been the same since. I honestly don't know if I could handle dealing with their crap once again if we chose to move. My father has offered us money to help supplement a mortgage but my DH refuses to take it and it really seems stupid on our part to get locked into a mortgage that we truly cannot afford without the help of someone else. Besides, my dad's "gifts" often come with very sticky strings attached.
We are SO, SO tired of renting. We want our own damn house! A place that we can call OURS and paint the walls and decorate and HAVE A DOG. Just a decent, safe house that has a good elementary school assigned to it, that's all we ask. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND THIS?? Oh, yeah, I forgot, we live in California, the land of overly-priced crap and taxes galore! Yay!
We've lived in our rental for more than 4 years now and I have never hung any pictures up or really personalized anything because my DH doesn't want to patch holes when we leave. It just isn't US, you know what I mean? I realize that many people these days are choosing renting over owning a home and that it's right for some people- it isn't for us. It makes us feel like failures that we haven't been able to buy a home, no matter how much money we've saved, how creative we've been, how smart we've been and how many compromises we've made.
Nothing has worked. Nothing has panned out. It stresses us out to the point where we just aren't enjoying life very much. We live in a neighborhood that is meant for people who make 2x's more income than we do and it is very hard to see others with what we want and try so hard to obtain. It's hard to not feel bitter and angry.
We are damned if we do and damned if we don't. If we stay and rent, we're unhappy. If we move to another state, my parents, etc. will make my life a living hell. I don't mean to make this post sound whiny and I'm sorry if it does. My heart is just broken because no matter what we do we just can't make it happen. DH and I feel like we are failing our children and are failing ourselves.
Our choices are so limited and the ones that are available to us make us miserable. Please don't say, "Move out of your rental" because the only places that are available to us are tiny apartments for MORE than what we pay now. As unhappy as we are renting this house we know it's stupid to give it up for an apartment in a neighborhood that isn't as good.
How do we get back to being happy and content? What can we do?
You've probably already thought of this, but have you looked at properties that have recently been foreclosed on? Sometimes, you can buy those at a fraction of what the normal price would be.
Living on the other side of the country, that's the only advice I have. It really sucks not to have a place you can truly call "your own".
Get a dog. Start decorating your home. The price of some paint and spackle to patch holes seems a small price. While you are making your rental unit, a home to enjoy, plan another strategy.
In most rentals you can paint. Just make sure you re-paint it all white again when you move out. Hang pictures on your walls! (To me that's a big quality of life thing). When it comes time to move out, just put some spackle on your finger and touch it to the little nail holes. No need for your husband to have to do any difficult patching. We're talking about tiny nail holes! Hell, I've even used white toothpaste to fill nail holes when moving out of an apartment. It gives the room a nice minty freshness too.
If it were me, I'd rather move to a new state with more reasonable property values and taxes. If that ticks off relatives, so be it. How can they make your life hell if you're 6 states away???
Most of the time when people believe they are "stuck" and have no choices, they just aren't willing to take on any of the choices that are, in fact, available.
Adoptive Mom, we have looked at foreclosures but even they run out of our price range because they get bid up so high. And, the majority of them that we can afford are in sketchy parts of town that aren't safe.
We aren't allowed to have a dog; the owner gave us the carpet in the house as a reason, as the house is 90% carpet. It's a pain to keep clean and I'm always running the vacuum. I did find a great carpet cleaner, though, this stuff called Folex? Love that stuff.
In a way I agree with my husband about not decorating or personalizing the house- what's the point? It isn't ours and will never be ours. Why try to make it "ours" when it so obviously won't ever belong to us?
I can't stand that I've become so negative and disillusioned; it's just become so difficult to maintain any sort of optimism in the face of so much defeat. I want to be able to be happy even though we don't have the one thing that we want so much.
In a way I agree with my husband about not decorating or personalizing the house- what's the point? It isn't ours and will never be ours. Why try to make it "ours" when it so obviously won't ever belong to us?
This is pretty self-defeating. I own my own house now, but every time I rented, I made the place "mine." I had one apt for 2 years, and I painted and hung pictures. I had the next apartment for about 7 years. Painted, hung pictures, decorated to my heart's content. When my boyfriend and I rented until we could find a house to buy, we had one apart for only 3 months on a month-to-month lease. I even had that place decorated, and everything unpacked and in its place. I would not want to live in a place even for a few months that did not feel like "home." You may be creating your own negative feelings.
Grow up! Make your own decisions. Move somewhere you'll be happy. Your parents can't "make your life a living hell" long distance. Anyone who allows that to happen (under any circumstance) is still a child.
It's difficult to imagine your situation as my wife and I both had parents that we dearly loved. They're all gone now. However, knowing that these situations do exist, all I can say is welcome to Texas is you decide to come this way. I think most of us would try to make you feel at home. I would just encourage you to make sure you have the means to make a go of it when you get here. Out here in west Texas, we still don't know how low oil prices are going to affect us.
BTW, don't tell your dad I'm encouraging your to come to Texas.
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