Being called presumptuous...is it that bad? (narcissist, husband, people)
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I told someone that something they said could be construed as presumptuous and they flew off the handle and got really offended at it. I didn't know this was such a bad thing to be called. They had made a sweeping generalization and all I said was I could understand why someone would think its presumptuous (since they probably didn't have all the facts or know all possible situations).
It was like Narcissist rage or something. I didn't know someone could be so offended at that.
Is "presumptuous" a really bad thing to be called?
I wouldn't want someone to say that to me, but I wouldn't rage about it. It just seems like their reaction was a little extreme.
When someone insults me, or says something less than flattering, I usually only react that badly when they have hit a nerve. Maybe this person deep down fears they are arrogant or presumptuous so it could have hit a nerve?
I wouldn't want someone to say that to me, but I wouldn't rage about it. It just seems like their reaction was a little extreme.
When someone insults me, or says something less than flattering, I usually only react that badly when they have hit a nerve. Maybe this person deep down fears they are arrogant or presumptuous so it could have hit a nerve?
Yes, OP hit a nerve. OP may never know what made the person fly off the handle.
I wouldn't want someone to say that to me, but I wouldn't rage about it. It just seems like their reaction was a little extreme.
When someone insults me, or says something less than flattering, I usually only react that badly when they have hit a nerve. Maybe this person deep down fears they are arrogant or presumptuous so it could have hit a nerve?
I tend to not care what people think so that's basically when an insult would hurt too. If it's something that I feel about myself that I either am struggling to accept or change, that's when my wall is broken. It just depends if it's something basic like that I'm stupid then I don't care but if I have been contemplating the exact same thing (or almost) then it's really not them insulting me it's me insulting me and I hurt myself like no one else.
I'm not sure if this is the case for this person. They may be different but it does seem likely.
Being called presumptuous is a minor insult. Even if it's accurate. That the person you said it to flew off the handle about it more than likely means your accusation was not only accurate, but that they knew it was accurate but are in denial about it.
I think you all are right. I must have hit a nerve. I honestly was not trying to. I kind of need to be on this person's good side.
Should I apologize to him? He seems mad at me now and has disappeared. Like he's giving me the silent treatment or he's upset or something. Maybe just give him space until he gets over it?
I also don't know if I wasn't really in the wrong, is an apology even warranted? Is it my fault if he's overly sensitive about something? I guess I'm not very good at dealing with people.
I think the context would also matter, and you didn't provide that here. the context would include how "big" the presumption was.
Example 1:
New husband says to new wife, "You actually thought I would stop sleeping with other women once we got married? That's pretty presumptuous of you!"
Example 2:
New wife says to new husband, "Wow, you just thought that once we got married I'd do all your laundry for you? That was pretty presumptuous."
Example 3:
Coworker who lives down the street shows up at your door and says "my car broke down, so I figured I could maybe ride into work with you." You say "that was kind of presumptuous, I'm off today."
Example 4:
Buddy shows up at your door in NJ and says "my car broke down and I need to get to Cleveland for a job interview. I figured you could drive me." You say, "Um, that's mighty presumptuous of you!"
While none of these (unless I was the wife in #1) would cause me to fly into an actual rage, they do vary in how big or extreme the assumption is. And if a person presumes something very big (takes extreme things as a "given" entitlement) then he/she might be so narcissistic as to fly into a rage when someone points out how the presumption was unrealistic.
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