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Adulthood is boring for a lot of people because a lot of people are boring. Why not just do what entertains you? I am 70 years old, and once I got away from home and out from under my parents' thumbs life got interesting, and never let up. If I feel boredom coming on I either take a nap or go do something. When I tell young people about the things I have done in my life, half the time they think I am spinning tall tales.
For some people, rampant pursuit of individual entertainment, recreation or relaxation induces a feeling at one ought to be doing something more substantive, something more traditionally important. One feels guilty for indulging in hobbies, or even taking naps. That brings us to sense of duty. That's the nagging imperative that we must complete our education, secure a prestigious and remunerative job, get promoted, succeed, save for retirement and so forth. Even if we have no dependents such as spouse or children or elderly parents, duty means self-denial and delay of gratification.
Well, this is fine for a few years... working part-time while in college, taking an overload of credit-hours to accelerate graduation-time.... assiduously and without complaint working overtime in an entry-level job. That perhaps is the OP's stage of life. Speaking personally, I am in the stage about halfway between that of the OP and Mr. Caldwell. Despite intentionally structuring my life to be devoid of dependents and to have a reasonable material cushion, I still feel oppressive guilt and sense of duty. The news for the OP therefore isn't particularly rosy; tough it out, wait another 20 or so years, plan carefully... and find yourself in essentially the same position.
Then there's the question of boundary conditions on social-life, when one finds one's acquaintances pairing-up and having children, where by choice or lack of resources one has not oneself done any of those things. Observe pretty much any club, meetup, hobby-related social gathering. The age distribution is bimodal: <30, and 55+. In between, people are busy with child-rearing. Friendships fray and dissipate, not because people lack emotional fortitude or concern for others, but because their priorities shift towards their own nuclear family. They finally reemerge once the kids leave for college. The OP's position is thus especially unpleasant, as she's in the final years before her peer-group submerges below the waters of family obligations. It's a stressful time for those who willingly or unwillingly fail to pair-up... and this is even true for child-free partners, who may have found loving intimacy, but who have chosen not to breed. Most adults socialize with other adults through their respective children... after-school activities and the like. Those with unorthodox lifestyles will find themselves shunted aside and isolated.
That's enough bad-news for one post. To conclude more positively, I note - as others have - that happiness must stem from internal vigor, and not the ministrations of others, however sincere and solicitous those others may be. What matters most is how we socialize with our own selves. Figure out a way to bound and attenuate the guilt and the gnawing sense of duty.
Why is adulthood so boring and mundane? We go to work/school, pay bills, have children that will probably end up hating us, them we get old and slowly die. Many of us are ridiculously lonely and miserable, yet the solution is always to throw anti depressants at the problem.
Does anyone else feel the same about adulthood?
No. I've enjoyed adulthood more that all my previous years. But much of life is mundane.
If you want excitement, join some sort of relief effort during your vacation. Work hard in a 3rd world country and learn how most people on earth live. Or, stay in your bubble and feel sorry for yourself.
That's the thing about adulthood. We make choices. We as individuals are responsible for our lives. No one else is.
Figure out a way to bound and attenuate the guilt and the gnawing sense of duty.
Trying, not succeeding very well.
I find that a loving family (blood related or not) really goes far in alleviating the burden of a sense of duty, which is a little ironic considering you do feel obligated to family.
I went to dinner with family the other night. My cousin just had a baby last year. The baby was rambling around on the floor and someone said, "it is great that there are so many people here to keep an eye out that she can move around as she pleases and interact with everyone." The parents get some relief, for an evening, to relax. Lots of laughter, catching up on peoples lives, some serious conversation treated with respect, offering help to one another for this or that, playing games, eating great food.
I feel we have made a society that champions absolute independence in ways that produce this sense of guilt and isolation, because it is impossible to do everything alone and one moment of weakness is enough to make you disposable, even vilified, by the rest of society. Having a loving family is essentially the opposite of that.
Why is adulthood so painfully boring? I'm at the point where I think virtually all adults suffer from some form of mild to severe depression, sadness or just a closeted disdain for life.
When I was a kid, I used to look forward to being a grownup because I thought that people would stop being mean to each other (and to me). That illusion was quickly shattered when I turned 18 and hit my 20's. People still bully, but bullying takes different forms.
And as an adult, making friends is so much harder. I don't know why exactly. I think people just find a partner and have kids and think they don't need to make new friends anymore.
And what happened to our sense of imagination that we had as children? The ability to just have fun and get lost in your imagination. I still have mine, but I am considered 'weird' for being a dreamer.
Why is adulthood so boring and mundane? We go to work/school, pay bills, have children that will probably end up hating us, them we get old and slowly die. Many of us are ridiculously lonely and miserable, yet the solution is always to throw anti depressants at the problem.
Does anyone else feel the same about adulthood?
No, I definitely don't. Quite the contrary. I think life is short and need to be enjoyed to the fullest. I have many friends with whom I go out, I dance, I have many hobbies and I don;t have time to do all the things that I want to do, to go to all the parties I am invited or to do all the projects that I'd like to do.
To be honest you sound depressed. I don;t know exactly your situation, but I find your statements vey disturbing. Being alone or depressed is not good for the health.
While I admit to not being as mature I should be in some respects, this is just deflecting from the more existential aspect of what I'm trying to say and the fact that making friends as an adult is very difficult. And yes, I've tried groups. The problem is that when you hit your late 20's, your peers are off staring families while you're left behind. The few friends I do have are online friends and younger than me. But I'm sure at some point they'll conform and start families too.
Adulthood seems to be a split between those who marry and have children and those who don't.
But yes, I admit some of it is me. In many ways I had to grow up way too fast and it caused me to miss out.
So, why do you have a hard time making friends? Are you socially awkward? Do people find people misunderstand you? Were you socially rejected as a youngster?
Life is a slow death the minute you are born. Who wants a fast death? ;-)
I've had a great life from birth, and no complaints, never had trouble making friends in the real world at anytime, so I can't relate to the OP at all. If anything, I agree with the other posters that said life is too short and is screaming by!
For some people, rampant pursuit of individual entertainment, recreation or relaxation induces a feeling at one ought to be doing something more substantive, something more traditionally important. One feels guilty for indulging in hobbies, or even taking naps. That brings us to sense of duty. That's the nagging imperative that we must complete our education, secure a prestigious and remunerative job, get promoted, succeed, save for retirement and so forth. Even if we have no dependents such as spouse or children or elderly parents, duty means self-denial and delay of gratification.
Well, this is fine for a few years... working part-time while in college, taking an overload of credit-hours to accelerate graduation-time.... assiduously and without complaint working overtime in an entry-level job. That perhaps is the OP's stage of life. Speaking personally, I am in the stage about halfway between that of the OP and Mr. Caldwell. Despite intentionally structuring my life to be devoid of dependents and to have a reasonable material cushion, I still feel oppressive guilt and sense of duty. The news for the OP therefore isn't particularly rosy; tough it out, wait another 20 or so years, plan carefully... and find yourself in essentially the same position.
Then there's the question of boundary conditions on social-life, when one finds one's acquaintances pairing-up and having children, where by choice or lack of resources one has not oneself done any of those things. Observe pretty much any club, meetup, hobby-related social gathering. The age distribution is bimodal: <30, and 55+. In between, people are busy with child-rearing. Friendships fray and dissipate, not because people lack emotional fortitude or concern for others, but because their priorities shift towards their own nuclear family. They finally reemerge once the kids leave for college. The OP's position is thus especially unpleasant, as she's in the final years before her peer-group submerges below the waters of family obligations. It's a stressful time for those who willingly or unwillingly fail to pair-up... and this is even true for child-free partners, who may have found loving intimacy, but who have chosen not to breed. Most adults socialize with other adults through their respective children... after-school activities and the like. Those with unorthodox lifestyles will find themselves shunted aside and isolated.
That's enough bad-news for one post. To conclude more positively, I note - as others have - that happiness must stem from internal vigor, and not the ministrations of others, however sincere and solicitous those others may be. What matters most is how we socialize with our own selves. Figure out a way to bound and attenuate the guilt and the gnawing sense of duty.
Most people waste their lives because they have no sense of adventure. The first step in avoiding boredom is shoot your TV. It will eat your life. If you don't have any friends, it's because you sat in front of the idiot box instead of tending your friendships. If your life is a dead end, it's because you sat in front of the boob tube instead of learning and doing.
Yes, majoring in engineering in college was hard work, but the subjects were interesting and the people I met were fascinating. My nuclear physics prof had actually worked on the Manhattan Project, and was Richard Feynman's office mate for years. I hung out with a guy who was 5x Korean Tai Kwan Do champion and had been Syngman Rhee's personal body guard. I met members of the US Olympic Team, including Dick Fosbury, who revolutionized the high jump world. I had a chance to hang with brilliant people. One of my buddies was lead engineer on the first superconducting commercial power line ever constructed. One of my best friends was a black hispanic from Juarez who became California's Director of Minority Affairs in the first Brown administration. We hung out in coffee houses and did a folk music duo. Boredom was never an issue.
After college I spent the next 20 years designing and managing construction projects. This was complex enough to be interesting, but not enough to be all-absorbing. About that time the original PC was released, so I studied 8086 assembler language programming and C in my spare time. I also started learning Japanese, mostly on a whim. I went to a computer trade show to geek out at the new hardware. There was a booth full of Japanese, so I thought I would practice my language skills. Four hours later I had the specs for a new expansion card and a contract to write the PC device driver for it. That worked out well. Then they wanted someone to do US tech support. Back to school to hire my fellow nerds. There is a fiction that nerds are socially inept. That is foolish. They just talk outside of most people's reality. Give them a topic they are interested in and they will bond in endless discussions. I got my tech support crew. They got high paying part-time jobs and a prestigious employer on their resume. We all had great fun, fueled by pizza and Jolt. Of course, I had to tour Japan for a couple of weeks as a guest of the company. Japanese really know how to party. In between there I got involved in an annual week-long party that eventually incorporated as a nonprofit that donates about $10,000 a year to charity. I got to old to party that hard, but 45 years later the party is still going strong.
All this because I didn't own a TV, so I spent my time doing whatever entertained me.
I haven't mentioned my lady friends, who are every bit as interesting as the men. After college, one moved in with the founders of the Society for Creative Anachronism and published their national newsletter for years. She was an actress in college and is still working in her 70s, doing TV commercials. She also had a part in the last Browncoats movie. One of my early loves moved to Australia and was a part time smuggler moving gem stones from Laos to Australia. One is now a museum director. One became a best selling author. Those are just the ones I still have contact with once in a while. When they were young they were beautiful and I was the envy of many guys just for being with them, but the attraction was always their vital and active personalities. My wife is one of the most brilliant people I have ever met. In 2009 the local C of C gave her their Woman Of The Year award. We are both "retired" but she works about half time serving on the Board of Directors of four companies and chairing the board of two of them.
That's just my life, doing what entertained me. Other people would make entirely different choices, but the underlying principle is the same, "Turn off the TV and set yourself free." Be a doer, not a dud.
Hm. I wonder what's happening at the zoo. Maybe they need docents. That sounds interesting.
Last edited by Larry Caldwell; 01-31-2017 at 02:10 AM..
No, I definitely don't. Quite the contrary. I think life is short and need to be enjoyed to the fullest. I have many friends with whom I go out, I dance, I have many hobbies and I don;t have time to do all the things that I want to do, to go to all the parties I am invited or to do all the projects that I'd like to do.
To be honest you sound depressed. I don;t know exactly your situation, but I find your statements vey disturbing. Being alone or depressed is not good for the health.
You're my kind of woman, Marigold. You remind me of an old Bob McDill song,
"Dance," she said,
"Life is only for the moment.
"The taste is sweet, so taste it,
"The light is brief, don't waste it,"
So I said, "I understand,
"I'm Dancing as fast as I can."
This is why people join the military. To see the world, meet new people , and have fun.
I travel to europe and go all over the place. Ive gone mountain hiking, mountain biking, white water rafting, you name it.
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