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I have never done much social media...CD has been the only one, & wow, there are some angry people. Now, I find myself getting angry at them, and lashing out.
I was really naive...came to CD to seek information, but also hoped to make friends in my new state...wow, was I wrong about that.
I have found some posters that are kind & helpful, but they are definitely in the minority.
I was accused by one CD poster, who posts a lot, of catfishing them. That blew me away!
My solution is to not post on CD...working on it...
You and me both, kiddo! I hadn't realized how bad it was until I started cutting down on forums. Actually it started with me shutting down my own forum (not this kind of forum) because I was just sick of having to visit it every day, just to make sure there were no problems. That when I realized no forum = no problems. I cancelled my server and bye bye responsibility. I was writing software for the open source project that produces my forum's software--and I realized I never wanted my own forum ever again--so bye bye software forum, where surprisingly they get snarky there too! Snarky about software??? Then a few hobby forums, one of which was mostly drama queens and pure snark when they got bored discussing the hobby. I actually had several gang up on me there!
Then by this week I realized that C-D was my main forum--and I'm getting stalked and snarked and tracked in other topics, my posts from the other topic being imported into the new topic in an attempt to make me look bad. Especially quoted out of context, but sometimes I misspeak and I'm sorry about it. I don't need some jerk importing my faux pas just to make me look bad to win an argument. And often as not I was either attempting to help somebody or was expressing an opinion that disagreed with somebody who got all hot and steamy about it and decided to go get me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleNicole
Its rude and only there to try to make that person feel bad about expressing their concern about a problem they encountered. It doesn't take a genius to know when someone starts a sentence with "Its not that hard to", in that type of situation they are not saying it in a helpful tone.
When I say mean, I am talking about the people online that just look for any reason to start an argument or to make a person feel bad about something they express.
Yes this is the internet so things should be taken with a grain of salt, but it doesn't change the fact that people are going out of their way to say rude and snarky things just because.
I can't help feeling bad when somebody goes out of their way to hurt me. It makes me disappointed that somebody would stoop so low just we have a difference of opinion. Instead of presenting an opposing opinion they launch an ad hominem attack on ME instead of debating my opinion. (That's what ad hominem means: attacking the speaker instead of debating the disagreement of opinion.)
I'm just sick, sick, sick of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleNicole
Yes. I left another forum because of this. It amazed me how they could flip a topic around to make it seem like the OP was nuts.
It seems people just find any reason to criticize the topic. "What can I find bad to say about this."
Makes you wonder what kind of a person has this kind of mentality. I think the reality of the situation is that people attack their victims because tearing down the victim in the attacker's mind heightens their sense of superiority.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarciaMarshaMarcia
And no response by the OP to my response, just stepping over it, should give them a hint as to "why people on the internet are so mean". Doing that is comparable to outright ignoring someone when they speak to you IRL.
And this is why I sometimes just don't reply when nasty questions are posed to me. There's the saying: don't feed the trolls. At some point I have to just quit and realize I'm up against somebody who will attack my every reply, and the only way to put a stop to that is to just quit answering them.
I'm losing my faith in forums. Even though C-D is tightly moderated it seems like the trolls and rude people keep getting through. I'm beginning to think it's just not worth it. Maybe it's time for me to start my attempt at writing a novel instead of wasting my typing on forums.
I have found some posters that are kind & helpful, but they are definitely in the minority.
I was accused by one CD poster, who posts a lot, of catfishing them. That blew me away!
My solution is to not post on CD...working on it...
But before you stop posting altogether, please help me by explaining what "catfishing" means. Perhaps it is a generational thing that I haven't heard of that - I am 73.
As for the proportion of kind and helpful to mean and nasty, I think it depends on the forum involved. For example in the Retirement Forum, which is the one I participate in most often, I would say the mean and nasty ones are in the minority (although still there for sure). Which forum(s) did you have in mind?
I presume the word "catfishing" is related to the term "baiting" as in drawing a person into an argument.
Yes you are right, different areas of C-D have different levels of hostility. That is why I've never even looked in C-D's political area, whatever they call it.
For example, I'm interested in writing and the hostility level is low there. Reading is low too. Rental and Real Estate are high. City and state areas can be quite hostile at times. Pet areas are relatively peaceful.
I wish we had more hobby areas. On other forums they can become hostile but busy hobbyists can be kept busy enough to not provoke hostility. Or not.
Topics with any political agenda are ALWAYS hostile.
And this is why I sometimes just don't reply when nasty questions are posed to me. There's the saying: don't feed the trolls. At some point I have to just quit and realize I'm up against somebody who will attack my every reply, and the only way to put a stop to that is to just quit answering them.
I'm losing my faith in forums. Even though C-D is tightly moderated it seems like the trolls and rude people keep getting through. I'm beginning to think it's just not worth it. Maybe it's time for me to start my attempt at writing a novel instead of wasting my typing on forums.
I can relate to what you are complaining about; I know from personal experience how discouraging and how irritating it can be. But I have to wonder (since you didn't say anything about it) whehter you have tried reporting the posts which are personal attacks? That is the "other way" to put a stop to it, at least in a limited sense.
I am not claiming that reporting works 100% of the time. But in the past it was sometimes quite a pleasure to report instead of respond and then see the offending post either deleted or edited by a moderator. If enough people report the attackers, and if they really are attackers, then they will eventually either change their ways or get banned.
"Catfishing," loosely, is presenting ones' self online as having some other identity than your actual identity...intentional misrepresentation and deception.
It's mostly used within the context of online dating/romance, though...communicating with someone under a false identity, in order to purposely scam them. Not super sure of what the forum equivalent would be, though.
I've had varying success with reporting posts. The forum management policy is that only the person reported and the moderators know if any action was taken. All members like us get is an acknowledgement that the problem was looked into, but not the disposition. For me as far as I can see it didn't help me. -- The only true action I've seen is when I report spam posts. It's easy to see them disappear.
Please understand, I've been on forums for 2 decades since I got my first moderator job about 20 years ago almost to the day. Since then I've been moderator on more forums than I can remember, global mod, admin, tech admin, owner, I've even been involved in writing the software forums run on. I've owned maybe a half dozen forums, tech admin on maybe another half dozen. I can't remember how many times I've been a mod or gmod. I've reached the end of the line. I'm an expert on all problems that happen or can happen on forums. I'm worn out. I've seen it all. I've seen too much.
I've seen so much that my eyes are bleeding. I've seen too much and my soul is torn. I've seen so massively much that C-D is looking like my last forum, and I may be leaving C-D soon too.
Please be known that I have no criticism of C-D management and moderators. I've ridden the same seats they ride, I know their problems, I've faced and dealt with the same problems myself.
I'm just getting tired of the same old. Just remember that the best fix for any problem is to fix it from your own end. When you fix a problem yourself you know the problem is fixed. My leaving ALL forums fixes ALL of my own forum problems, from my perspective.
I'm not leaving today or tomorrow, but I will probably either be leaving or put C-D on a weekly schedule instead of my daily schedule. I'm currently looking for other activities to direct my creative efforts into, probably nothing relating to Internet.
"Catfishing," loosely, is presenting ones' self online as having some other identity than your actual identity...intentional misrepresentation and deception.
Actually the common term for that is "sock puppet."
Or maybe not. A sock puppet has two or more member accounts.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've been told to prove I am what I am, like for example I'm a landlord. I own rental properties and rent them to tenants. I've had people doubt that. Okay I'll admit I'm not a very profitable landlord: my CPA could tell you that. Believe who I am or not, makes no diff to me.
But I do believe there are a lot of liars on all forums.
What gets me is people who will try to argue that an OP is lying or misrepresenting facts.
With no foundation. That used to pull me into their trap. Not anymore. Creating a drama when there isn't one is a skill some have and employ.
I think the funniest is when that is done to someone who is not playing along to the extent they just stop posting at all on that topic. And somehow, a few people will keep arguing for days and weeks and pages and no one even notices the OP has long gone!
With no foundation. That used to pull me into their trap. Not anymore. Creating a drama when there isn't one is a skill some have and employ.
You got it Jen. Some people are into that. They are drama queens. They thrive on drama. If there is no drama they create drama so they can feed on it.
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I hadn't realized how bad it was until I started cutting down on forums. Actually it started with me shutting down my own forum (not this kind of forum) because I was just sick of having to visit it every day, just to make sure there were no problems. That when I realized no forum = no problems. I cancelled my server and bye bye responsibility. I was writing software for the open source project that produces my forum's software--and I realized I never wanted my own forum ever again--so bye bye software forum, where surprisingly they get snarky there too! Snarky about software??? Then a few hobby forums, one of which was mostly drama queens and pure snark when they got bored discussing the hobby. I actually had several gang up on me there!
