How to handle being shamed and criticized for having pets over children (dating, people)
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OP: You simply tell anyone who insists on this behavior that the topic is not open for discussion and if they persist,
hang up and tell them why you are ending the call, walk away and tell them why you are walking away, change the subject, quit talking to them, etc. etc.
You can control this behavior by not tolerating it on any level.
Sadly, I think that's something really only animal lovers who don't "need" to have kids truly understand. I work at a school and I'm in my 30s. I'm one of only two staff members who has no kids. No one really is rude to me about it or anything but at any social type things, everything is about their kids which for me is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I would rather hear about someone's cat or dog than their daughter's soccer game. I've had parents ask me if I have kids and I say "Yes, my son has a tail" and point to photos of my dog son Petey. I even gave my boss a picture of him to hang up by pictures coworkers have given them that were family pictures (he liked that and has it hung up too lol).
I used to want kids but as I've gotten older, the more I realize that I think I would be happier not having them. I like to come home to quiet, like going out when I want, and enjoy traveling (don't want to take kids with me). I just don't really want to change my life style around. Nearly every parent I know basically plans their life around their kids (I understand that). If you ask me, people who have kids are the strange ones lol.
To the OP: Despite the low birthrates of recent decades in the United States and Europe, we still live in a severely over-populated world. Your decision not to have children is something which benefits the planet and hence benefits all of us. The over-crowding seems to be everywhere - hell, you can hardly visit the Grand Canyon anymore, just to give one example.
I don't know exactly how you can accomplish it, but you need to develop an ability to let the criticisms run off you like water runs off a duck.
I say this even though I have no pets and am not a pet lover. If you over-pamper your pets and spend a lot of money on them, that is your business, but perhaps you could soft-peddle that around people whom you know to be critical on this whole subject. Being a "militant" pet owner is to wave a red flag in front of a bull for those people who are so insecure they feel threatened by people not having children.
But to be fair, if you talk on and on about your pets it is no worse (and no better) than people who talk on and on about their children or grandchildren. In both cases, it's a subject not of general interest to most people.
When all is said and done, you have my stamp of approval. Far too many people who have children are not suited to the role of parents, and much suffering comes of this. (Notice I offer no opinion on your suitability to be parent, as I don't know very much about you; the previous sentence is a generality only.)
OP, after reading your account of what people have said to you, you're talking about utter morons. Judging from their reasoning, they don't have two brain cells to rub together.
Op, sounds as though your animals have a wonderful home, and it's certainly no one else's business if you choose not to have kids. It's distressing that so many people feel the need to impolitely give you their opinions when you didn't ask for them.
I've done dog rescue and found myself with as many as ten dogs. It's really too many, but we could afford to feed and care for them. I've been called a collector by people who didn't know me, just wanted to give their uncalled for opinion. The last thing I wanted was to have paranoid finger pointing, about a topic they knew nothing about. All the dogs I had passed on from various things, but they all had a good home. Some people think it's strange if you have more than one cat or dog.
Will people learn to mind their own business, that's highly doubtful. It's best to ignore them, since their attitudes are unlikely to change. London Cowboy gave you excellent advise. The next time someone gives you their opinion, and it's not to your liking, tell them to sod off.
People will be criticizing your decisions until they are too old to care. Especially not having kids---I'm sure you understand that children and family are on the assembly line of life for the vast majority of people.
It's kind of like not getting married, or never owning a home. People just cant fathom how you might not enjoy or choose the same lifestyle as theirs.
Like I said, get used to it, and get over it. You dont have to explain yourself to anyone.
Kids, no--pets, yes
married, no
home, yes
Well, good on some things.
Long story short, someone has to be more dedicated to looking out for the wildlife of this planet than others.
We don't have kids. We are in our mid 30's, both of us have full-time jobs, no college debt other than mortgage,
Good income, frugal in our spending... we just decide not to have kids at this time or ever. My husband and I are animal lovers so needless to say, we welcomed many animals into our home.
We have 6 pets plus a 55 gallon tank with some koi, plecos and 2 oscars. The non-scaly pets are 2 medium to large dogs, 2 cats, a bunny, a blue tongue skink and a golden hamster. Everyone gets fed premium to above quality food, toys, vet care, one on one time, etc. All except the skink and the hamster are rescues who were abandoned at a young age by owners or born as a stray.
Our house is 1300 square feet, 2-story townhouse. My house is vacuumed and mopped weekly. Litterboxes are scooped daily, cages are cleaned weekly, counters and tables are wiped, etc. My dogs are trained and well behaved, gets plenty of walks, listens to recall commands and friendly with visitors who comes by.
And yet, I still get blasted by mean comments from a lot of people, those who never stepped foot into our home. Comments like, "wow, so you don't have a house for people to live in anymore?" Or "you have a zoo in there" or "what is wrong with you?" Even when we only had 1 cat at the time, these were the same comments received by the same people.
Many imply that we are hoarders, which I find to be such a disrespectful insult because we really do put in the time, money and effort to care for our pets. Our home is clean. We have more than enough space and room for the pets and anyone else who wants to stay over for a night. To be compared to people who compulsively collects animals while unable or refuse to provide the basic of care to their animals, I don't even know how to react without wanting to yell at that person.
The most hurtful part of it all, is that most of these mean comments come from most of my family, including my parents, who always taught me as a young child to care for my animals and to be responsible. Now, they are telling me to stop wasting my money on them because they are just that, animals.
I'm sorry for this rant. We had always supported my sisters when they needed help with their kids. We would babysit for them, take them to the park, buy them gifts, go to birthday parties. ... we really do care for our nephews and nieces and they love us dearly as well. Their parents, however, would make those mean comments to us in front of the kids.
When I had to put down my senior cat, the response I received was, "finally!" When I had to do it again with my bearded dragon, the response was, "why did you even take a lizard to the vet?"
Again, these comments come from people who refuse to come to the house. We invited them to see and judge for themselves but they never come by, even though they live less than 10 minutes away. Those who do come visit us, have coffee with us, my friends and neighbors do not say such things. Actually, they would give us compliments or play with our dogs and cats.
If we had 4 kids running around instead of some pets, I guess that would be more acceptable to people like my family. Whereas parents are proud and happy bragging to others about how great their kid is, I feel we could not do that with our furbabies without running the risk of being unfairly criticized. I agree that human children are not the same as the furry kind, but I'm not telling bad parents what to do, why do they feel it's their business to tell me how and what we should have in our home?
Sorry for the rant. I had to let this out. Fyi, 6 is our limit. We are not taking in anymore animals, even after the hamster and my oldest dog (7 years) may pass in the next 3 years.
Looks like you're over your self imposed limit by at least one plus however more you have in that huge tank. The detail you put into describing your menagerie (in humanlike terms) and its care sounds a bit compulsive as does the combination of critters. Possibly it's these things that keep family and friends away rather than the animals themselves. I see that pet expenses are often discussed; are you also complaining of not having enough money or time to get away?
Have any of these people come to visit in the past and stopped coming as the situation grew? There may well be reasons that you, being there constantly, are not aware of. Things like clutter, noises and odors.
And your title is really misleading - nothing in your tale says anything about anyone shaming or criticizing you for not having children.
Last edited by kokonutty; 05-23-2017 at 03:22 AM..
Looks like you're over your self imposed limit by at least one plus however more you have in that huge tank. The detail you put into describing your menagerie (in humanlike terms) and its care sounds a bit compulsive as does the combination of critters. Possibly it's these things that keep family and friends away rather than the animals themselves. I see that pet expenses are often discussed; are you also complaining of not having enough money or time to get away?
Have any of these people come to visit in the past and stopped coming as the situation grew? There may well be reasons that you, being there constantly, are not aware of. Things like clutter, noises and odors.
And your title is really misleading - nothing in your tale says anything about anyone shaming or criticizing you for not having children.
Oh, come off it. People with children complain about the expense and effort all the time, and no one says a word.
OP, I have heard stuff like this for most of my adult life. Ignore it. Find some friends who love animals as much as you do. We are out here.
By telling anyone who had a problem with it to sod off!!
^^^^
EXACTLY!!!
I am 57, active in animal rescue and have 6 dogs and 2 cats, the majority of which are foster failures..... but no human children.....
I actually had some RWNJ friend of a friend tell me the other day that it was SELFISH to not have children.... that I denied a soul the right to life by making the choice I did to remain child-free..... I just LOL'd back to her....
and THEN she said that I should just shut up and go pet my too many dogs.... that I obviously had not a clue what I was talking about in regard to my opinion on something the president had done..... It was not even offensive or mean, just an opinion that was different from hers......
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