Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The most hurtful part of it all, is that most of these mean comments come from most of my family, including my parents
I would not continue speaking to people that spoke to me in this manner, no matter the relationship. There's nothing for you to handle if you tell them to STHU, that their opinion is not wanted.
Or you could retort with something a little more personal, since they are being ugly to you:
"My dogs being outside in the yard are a lot cheaper than daycare, and they are already at home when I get off work."
"At least I'll never have to bail my dog out of jail."
I'm kind of willing to believe that the OP gets a lot of grief, because I don't have any kids and get openly made fun of a few occasions for sending my (1) dog to dog 'daycare'. The reason is that I don't want to keep him locked up in the house for 10 hours per day, whereas at the dog care place he runs around in the open all day with the other dogs.
That said, I have gotten the 'why do you want to spend money on that'/'it's just a dog'/'you'll stop that once you have kids'/etc type comments from probably otherwise well-meaning acquaintances, but tend to just ignore them. Last week, a childhood friend of mine (stay at home mom to 4) was complaining to me about how some childless people refer to their pets as 'fur kids' and how that's offensive to her as a mom of human kids, and how awful it is that the grocery store now stocks frozen dog treats next to the Popsicles in the grocery store, because this is contributing to a cultural and moral devolution on the part of modern society that places preference to animals over children. It was honestly making her really angry.
I just think it would be helpful if everyone spent far less time worrying about other peoples' life choices...? Maybe?
Some people - notably parents - seem to vlew it as a contest: which is more valuable, pets or children? It's not as if children are being threatened so people can have pets, although it not infrequently happens the other way around...
I just had this come up this morning. I am 70, living in a 55+ active adult community. Who would think it would even be on someone's radar? But it was . . . by a 62 year old new resident whom I had met a few minutes before. WHY did I not have kids?? I explained to her - nicely but through mentally gritted teeth - that I had a reproductive malformation which made it impossible for me to bear children. She didn't go down the adoption path (something which I'd briefly considered and rejected as not sensible for me though great in concept) and made a remark to the effect of "oh how nice, you have a dog". I took the high road and let it go. But really - it struck me as very rude to ask "why". Way too personal to me, particularly from someone I'd just met. People continue to amaze me and not always in a good way.
I dunno how other folks can "shame" someone. Having a poor opinion of someone else doesn't automatically generate 'shame'. ?
I had to comment on this. Its a bit of a tangent from the OP. Something I've noticed over the past couple of years, which I attribute largely to social media, is the proliferation of people saying others have "shamed" them.
Shame is an internal feeling, a sense of being less than, being a bad person, worthless. Its a negative evaluation of oneself.
But it seems its become trendy to accuse others of "shaming."
I guess because this somehow makes it sound worse than "she criticized me" or "she called me a name" or "she told me she doesn't agree with my opinion (or choices)." Comments like that wouldn't gain much traction on social media, but saying "she shamed me" somehow makes it sound like the offender is a horribly cruel person.
As for the OP, it sounds like the family doesn't want to visit a home with so many animals. It does sound like there are a lot in a relatively small space.
Maybe some assertive communication is called for. Next time the topic comes up, ask them directly why they don't want to visit your house.
If you are truly happy and satisfied with your own choices, that will come across to others and you won't feel defensive when people don't agree.
Anyone who says things like that to you needs to know it's not acceptable and you will withdraw from them if they keep it up. Including your parents
This. OP, it's time to adopt the philosophy that "we can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends". You can create a new family from your friendships. Edge your rude family members out of your life, except for special occasions (the family Xmas get-together, or whatever the custom is in your family). If they make a rude comment by phone, tell them their rudeness is unacceptable, or that it's a shame they feel that way, because you and your husband are very happy. End the conversation. Repeat as needed. Do you really need this flack in your life? If they complain about you cutting them off, or not calling anymore, tell them the two of you have decided to spend your time and energy with people who respect your choices.
It's time to draw boundaries and stick with them. People who take advantage of you or treat you abusively will continue to do so if you let them. Don't let them. Odd that you've put up with this for so long.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-25-2017 at 03:44 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
