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Yeah, the context of the question is vague. But I have a scenario that is similar...at least I think it is. I work in an office suite where there are, say about 12 people that come in and out on a daily basis. Most people that walk in will say good morning, or at least a hi. However, there is one person who has to cross right in front of my cubicle (I am actually caddy corner to the front door) and doesn't say anything to me. I have said good morning, hello, etc...without any greeting back. I finally quit acknowledging her and now just ignore when she comes in or goes by me. I thought at first that maybe it was me, that I was offensive to her in some way. I quit thinking that and just realized that she is a miserable person, stuck in her own place. To take one of the sayings, I realized "When someone is rude and toxic, remember it's not about you. It's a reflection of their inner state." I don't know if this applies at all to what your original post is asking, but I hope it helps in some small way. To this day, I think this lady is either an extreme introvert or is completely stuck in a rude cycle, but either way, it doesn't effect me in any way so I pay no mind anymore.
I have a similar situation at work. We're in a strange old building and the floors are long but narrow, so we have an aisle down the middle and only 1 person on each side of the aisle across. So I face a window and behind me is an aisle and there is someone facing another window. I come in early so I can have some quiet time. There was a woman who sat near me and would address each and everyone of us by name as she worked her way to her desk. I thought THAT was rude. She was basically demanding our attention when we could be in the middle of something that demanded full attention. A general good morning addressed to the group at large I don't have a problem with. I also wouldn't ignore somebody sitting at their desk who said hello to me when I walk in.
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth OK, well, I don't know what you mean by "doesn't want to meet you". Do you mean, if someone's trying to introduce two people, but one of them doesn't want to be introduced?
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
Yes, that would be one of the situations I am talking about.
Okay, then, the situation is that you're all out in a public situation in which it's otherwise normal for people to get to know each other, and presumable that if anyone was determined to know nobody he would not be there.
Yes, it would be rude for someone to refuse the basic introduction. If there were previous bad blood between them, I'd expect Person A to point that out before the you attempted to introduce them: "Don't bother, I already know him."
Of course, people can do whatever they want, but it's still rude behavior.
Originally Posted by RGill Yeah, the context of the question is vague. But I have a scenario that is similar...at least I think it is. I work in an office suite where there are, say about 12 people that come in and out on a daily basis. Most people that walk in will say good morning, or at least a hi. However, there is one person who has to cross right in front of my cubicle (I am actually caddy corner to the front door) and doesn't say anything to me. I have said good morning, hello, etc...without any greeting back. I finally quit acknowledging her and now just ignore when she comes in or goes by me. I thought at first that maybe it was me, that I was offensive to her in some way. I quit thinking that and just realized that she is a miserable person, stuck in her own place. To take one of the sayings, I realized "When someone is rude and toxic, remember it's not about you. It's a reflection of their inner state." I don't know if this applies at all to what your original post is asking, but I hope it helps in some small way. To this day, I think this lady is either an extreme introvert or is completely stuck in a rude cycle, but either way, it doesn't effect me in any way so I pay no mind anymore.
[quote=knitgirl;49744063]I have a similar situation at work. We're in a strange old building and the floors are long but narrow, so we have an aisle down the middle and only 1 person on each side of the aisle across. So I face a window and behind me is an aisle and there is someone facing another window. I come in early so I can have some quiet time. There was a woman who sat near me and would address each and everyone of us by name as she worked her way to her desk. I thought THAT was rude. She was basically demanding our attention when we could be in the middle of something that demanded full attention. A general good morning addressed to the group at large I don't have a problem with. I also wouldn't ignore somebody sitting at their desk who said hello to me when I walk in.
[quote]
Those are not similar situations, those are precisely opposite situations.
Of course, people can do whatever they want, but it's still rude behavior.
That's what I wanted to know, if it's rude (generally speaking). I mean, sure people can do whatever they want. For example, if I want to walk through a door and let it slam in an old lady's face and not hold it open for her - sure, that's legal and I can do that. But it's unquestionably rude. So when one of the first posters came on here saying "people can do what they want", well duh, sure they can. I don't see that as a valuable contribution to the topic because we all know people can do what they want.
When someone introduces him or herself to me, I've been taught to say hello back and tell them my name.
Yeah, the context of the question is vague. But I have a scenario that is similar...at least I think it is. I work in an office suite where there are, say about 12 people that come in and out on a daily basis. Most people that walk in will say good morning, or at least a hi. However, there is one person who has to cross right in front of my cubicle (I am actually caddy corner to the front door) and doesn't say anything to me. I have said good morning, hello, etc...without any greeting back. I finally quit acknowledging her and now just ignore when she comes in or goes by me. I thought at first that maybe it was me, that I was offensive to her in some way. I quit thinking that and just realized that she is a miserable person, stuck in her own place. To take one of the sayings, I realized "When someone is rude and toxic, remember it's not about you. It's a reflection of their inner state." I don't know if this applies at all to what your original post is asking, but I hope it helps in some small way. To this day, I think this lady is either an extreme introvert or is completely stuck in a rude cycle, but either way, it doesn't effect me in any way so I pay no mind anymore.
I still wish the OP would provide a specific example or two for clarity. But...
Only once have I had someone be complete ice in a small social setting. A friend invited my wife and me to a dinner with one other couple insisting we were "peas in a pod." We barely got a hello and it was the most uncomfortable dinner/date we've ever had in almost 20 years. That's never happened again.
OTOH, I've been in larger social settings where I haven't been able to engage everyone within the span of time we had, and I suppose someone could be inclined to think I was avoiding them or being intentionally rude.
The tricky thing is figuring out what's really going on. I'm pretty good at reading people and can get a loud and clear message just from the eyes and body language. If I feel like I'm getting "unapproachable" vibes, I do still make an effort.
If it's shyness, my warmth and friendliness shows them that I care and am making an effort. I can usually get people to open up.
If it's that they aren't feeling well, I offer a kind word so they don't feel ignored.
If it's out and out iciness, I give them exactly what they want. I won't try again, and I don't worry about it in the slightest.
Last edited by SouthernProper; 10-06-2017 at 04:45 PM..
I don't know if I am posing this question the right way. Is it okay for someone to refuse to meet someone, refuse to greet them or chat with them or is this generally considered "rude" and bad behavior?
My wife and I have had this exact conversation many times. She is the most gregarious extrovert you will ever meet. She will talk to anyone at length about anything. I am introverted (note: being introverted is not the same as being shy). I am not afraid of talking to people and don't dislike people. I just don't like talking to them, strangers in particular, except in certain circumstances. So we will go to the bar, the bank, a restaurant, a Dr.'s appointment, whatever, and inevitably this scenario happens. Some stranger will be drawn to my wife's friendly nature and start chatting with her about anything. I will then chime in with a, "How perfectly fascinating!" or, "I had a terrible bunion problem until Dr. Miracle cured me too," just to be polite, when I'm actually not interested in talking to the person.
After a couple of minutes, my small talker is broken and I go back to whatever I'm doing, which didn't involve talking. Meanwhile, my wife keeps blabbing endlessly to this perfect stranger, and she thinks I'm being rude for not continuing the conversation with John Doe at Dr. Miracle's office. But I'm not rude. I'm not the one who approached John discussing the vagaries of bunions; he was. I'm not John's friend. Talking to him for three or five minutes is perfectly acceptable. In fact, I have no obligation to talk to John at all.
The tricky thing is figuring out what's really going on. I'm pretty good at reading people and can get a loud and clear message just from the eyes and body language. If I feel like I'm getting "unapproachable" vibes, I do still make an effort.
If it's shyness, my warmth and friendliness shows them that I care and am making an effort. I can usually get people to open up.
If it's that they aren't feeling well, I offer a kind word so they don't feel ignored.
If it's out and out iciness, I give them exactly what they. I won't try again, and I don't worry about it in the slightest.
Confused. You still make an effort even when someone gives off 'unapproachable' vibes? An effort at what? Breaking through the wall they attempt to put up?
Confused. You still make an effort even when someone gives off 'unapproachable' vibes? An effort at what? Breaking through the wall they attempt to put up?
I'm a Pastor's wife! There is no way I don't at least try. If I made zero effort I'd never hear the end of "That snotty Pastor's wife didn't even talk to me, those stuck up Christian hypocrites, I'm never going back to that church ... blah blah blah."
So I try. Because I know that while it's "perfectly acceptable" for everyone else to be unfriendly, it will never be acceptable for me to be. Perhaps I'll get blamed for that, too.
Last edited by SouthernProper; 10-06-2017 at 04:58 PM..
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