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I'm a Pastor's wife! There is no way I don't at least try. If I made zero effort I'd never hear the end of "That snotty Pastor's wife didn't even talk to me, those stuck up Christian hypocrites, I'm never going back to that church ... blah blah blah."
So I try. Because I know that while it's "perfectly acceptable" for everyone else to be unfriendly, it will never be acceptable for me to be. Perhaps I'll get blamed for that, too.
So people that already know you or at least know of you. I think that might be different than the scenarios I was thinking of where strangers in a public space introduce themselves or just full on start chattering at you when you clearly have no interest in doing so.
So people that already know you or at least know of you. I think that might be different than the scenarios I was thinking of where strangers in a public space introduce themselves or just full on start chattering at you when you clearly have no interest in doing so.
We have strangers in our church ALL the time, every Sunday. I introduce myself, make small talk, make them feel welcome. Someone may not *want* people to approach them, but I guarantee if I didn't, I would be blamed for it.
I think the OP is describing people with poor social skills. Yes, people who do not practice accepted social skills are rude, even if they've never been taught.
If someone refuses to meet another, unknown person, then in most cases the refusal would be rude. There might be some extenuating circumstances in some cases. But usually, you shake hands, exchange names and possibly some small talk.
Other examples of rudeness would be turning away immediately after meeting someone for the first time, without exchanging any sort of small talk, or walking away from an introduction, or refusing to acknowledge someone that you know in a social situation.
Not saying thank you is rude. Not replying to thank you appropriately is rude. Telling someone what you want, without requesting it with a please is rude.
We have strangers in our church ALL the time, every Sunday. I introduce myself, make small talk, make them feel welcome. Someone may not *want* people to approach them, but I guarantee if I didn't, I would be blamed for it.
So, just out of curiosity, whose "fault" would it be if a stranger visits church, nobody greets him/her. Is it his fault for not trying to greet the church members, or is the church members' fault for not trying to greet him?
So, just out of curiosity, whose "fault" would it be if a stranger visits church, nobody greets him/her. Is it his fault for not trying to greet the church members, or is the church members' fault for not trying to greet him?
Well, people being the way they tend to be, it would be far too easy to blame it on the church people. So I always make an effort.
I'm a Pastor's wife! There is no way I don't at least try. If I made zero effort I'd never hear the end of "That snotty Pastor's wife didn't even talk to me, those stuck up Christian hypocrites, I'm never going back to that church ... blah blah blah."
So I try. Because I know that while it's "perfectly acceptable" for everyone else to be unfriendly, it will never be acceptable for me to be. Perhaps I'll get blamed for that, too.
Understandable. People who make you put in more effort usually require more effort for everything else in my experience. Either they continue the unfriendly vibes or they stick to you like glue.
Understandable. People who make you put in more effort usually require more effort for everything else in my experience. Either they continue the unfriendly vibes or they stick to you like glue.
I have NEVER met anyone at church who wasn't receptive to me. Outside of church is another story, but at least I try. Attitude is on them.
We have strangers in our church ALL the time, every Sunday. I introduce myself, make small talk, make them feel welcome. Someone may not *want* people to approach them, but I guarantee if I didn't, I would be blamed for it.
If you do it to the wrong person, you just might chase them off, and they will never come back. I did just that in a "church" in Wahiawa, HI, in 1966. They were not only overly friendly, which I did not appreciate, they wanted me to help serve communion the following Sunday.
I never went back.
To the OP, perhaps it would be rude, but I reserve the right to be rude to anybody, at any time, without explanation. For instance, I detest shaking hands, so I rarely do it. If someone considers me to be rude for that, so be it, I really don't care. My "safe space" extends about three feet on all sides. violate that, and I will react by moving away, if I can. If that is considered rude, too bad, that's the way I am. I kiss and hug my wife, nobody else, especially people I barely know. If you are a hugger, please stay away; I do not like it.
Yes, I guess I am a rude, crotchety, ornery, narrow minded old (75) man. I like myself just the way I am.
Leave me alone if you don't like it.
If you do it to the wrong person, you just might chase them off, and they will never come back. I did just that in a "church" in Wahiawa, HI, in 1966. They were not only overly friendly, which I did not appreciate, they wanted me to help serve communion the following Sunday.
I never went back.
To the OP, perhaps it would be rude, but I reserve the right to be rude to anybody, at any time, without explanation. For instance, I detest shaking hands, so I rarely do it. If someone considers me to be rude for that, so be it, I really don't care. My "safe space" extends about three feet on all sides. violate that, and I will react by moving away, if I can. If that is considered rude, too bad, that's the way I am. I kiss and hug my wife, nobody else, especially people I barely know. If you are a hugger, please stay away; I do not like it.
Yes, I guess I am a rude, crotchety, ornery, narrow minded old (75) man. I like myself just the way I am.
Leave me alone if you don't like it.
Oh yes..."a little too much of this" or "a little too little of that" and they'll never come back. People will always find someone or something to blame. Yep, I'm familiar. Frankly, life is way too short to worry about who I might offend by being friendly, for goodness sake. None of that is a reflection of me, it's them.
Judging by your screen name, you give the impression that manners are important to you. So, of course you would be the kind of person to be concerned about declining an introduction. Normally, yes, it is considered rude. And, the correct behaviour is to meet, chat or greet the person with politeness and a modicum of interest.
HOWEVER.
Things are different today. People are ruder, more abrupt and self-serving, so you could probably get away with it. Additionally, thanks to 'social media', we have discovered, sadly, how very icky, creepy and perhaps dangerous, a lot of people are behind the scenes.
But, I think to rationalize it in your own mind, you would have to have a very good reason...and I would agree with you if it was one of the following:
Your safety
Your well-being
Your peace of mind
Your intuition.
Then, by all means, run like hell.
Last edited by Skylark116; 10-06-2017 at 08:03 PM..
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