Boys aren’t learning how to handle rejection (men, dating, woman)
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These young men need to learn that dealing with rejection is part of what it means to be a man. Sure, women deal with rejection too but the way our social structure is set up, its the men who do the asking, so...
These young men need to learn that dealing with rejection is part of what it means to be a man. Sure, women deal with rejection too but the way our social structure is set up, its the men who do the asking, so...
The problem is the mixed messages young people are getting sent. Some guys take the promiscuity message and run with it, others take the opposing message of only searching for loving, caring relationships and when that fails they just have trouble dealing with the end (which I think is due to many different issues). If we sell the Disney Romance theme, combined with other issues (such as a guy who is scared to be alone, doesn't want to have to work to find another girlfriend, etc.), I can see why some young guys just can't let go. They do everything "right" in terms of being kind, loving, etc., but the young woman just wants to separate and these guys feel they are losing everything.
I'm under the impression young men are constantly told they should treat young women "right," and basically not use them for sex (either in a ONS or as a long term relationships where the guy knows he is very likely going to eventually move on but doesn't tell his gf this). Well young women do the same thing, and when they hook one of these quick to commit, relationship oriented guys who are ready to settle quick in life, it can be brutal once she decides she is done and wants to move on. Yet no one seems to shame women for this (unless she used the guy for money, treated him horribly, etc.). Society seems to want to say, "Well, young women need to date around." That's good and all, but the men need to be given the same message. The message to young people needs to be: "Your generation averages x number of intimate partners in a lifetime. Don't get too hung up on getting too serious while you're young. Treat people right, and if they or you want to move along, for whatever reason, do so. There are plenty of other people to date or hookup with."
I think the reason that boys lash out after rejection has many reasons. After a relationship, even if brief, girls will cut off and ignore the boy and wont even let him in on why she dumped him. This is frustrating to anyone that wants to know what happened, especially if they didnt see it coming. When this happened you cant even learn from it.
Some women like to hint for what they want, instead of risking rejection themselves and asking straight up. Many women still do this, hinting that they want their guy to do something, trying to "test" him (another female tactic) to see if he will do what they want, and if he fails the test, they say nothing. Do this a few times and eventually the guy gets dumped while he is clueless, then he isnt told why, because the woman is not invested enough anymore to explain it, maybe she feels he isnt worth the explanation.
Guys dont always have knowledgable friends around o let them know what they are doing wrong, so if youre a loner, it takes you a long time to get up to speed on how women work. Women usually have a big support group of friends to ease pain when they get dumped, so they handle it better.
It all depends on how people are raised and treat each other, games is quite a problem with dating for men and women.
Since most people arent good at communicating anyway, expecting them to teach their kids this is probably not going to happen. If they could teach kids in schools better communications skills, be able to give them the big picture on explaining the whys to people, there wouldnt be so much rejection. Of course you couldnt call it a "dating" class, because parents would instantly shoot it down.
Young people in general are being shielded from the reality of life through too much helicopter parenting and "we don't keep score" and everyone gets a trophy mentality. It's all horsecrap. Life sucks, sometimes you lose and you have to be taught that you have to learn to accept failure, rejection and all of the other things that life throws our way. We're doing our kids a disservice the last generation or two in this regard.
Fall, lose, get rejected, whatever it is, we need to teach our kids to get up, realize that it's ok to fail or whatever but to get back into the saddle of life and be ok with failure in that regard. It's not the end of the world to have hurt feelings once in a while and that no one in life gives a flying you know what about your feelings in the big wide world.
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