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Agreed. If someone's not interested, just saying it simply is better. I don't wanna know why they're not interested. lol Because at the end of the day, them listing my flaws won't make them interested. And it definitely won't make me feel better.
Imo, rejection is NEVER fun or good. But at least keep it brief, rather than dragging it out with reasons or argument.
Sometimes you can't even put it into words. It's just a feeling of not connecting, not having chemistry. No one has to have done something wrong, or that the reason is something they can fix.
I also agree with Sonic Spork that the ones who insist on a reason are often looking to argue the case instead of just accepting it and moving on.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Sometimes you can't even put it into words. It's just a feeling of not connecting, not having chemistry. No one has to have done something wrong, or that the reason is something they can fix. .
Yup, that's the "not feeling it" I referred to earlier, and the poster insisted that the phrase is code for not saying something non PC or whatever.
Which, to me, just reinforced the point that no good comes from engaging in such convos. People just want to debate "reasons" that really don't matter.
My lack of interest in dating someone is not a matter that is open for debate.
And your sex/romantic life is not a charity for the downtrodden. If you don't want to date someone, that's it. You don't owe anyone anything, nor do you have to give someone a chance if you're not feeling it.
And your sex/romantic life is not a charity for the downtrodden. If you don't want to date someone, that's it. You don't owe anyone anything, nor do you have to give someone a chance if you're not feeling it.
That's true.
But I was brought up to want to be nice to other people and not hurt their feelings. And I didn't really have a good relationship with my father, to be able to teach me things about how men and women interact in the world, my parents divorced when I was 11 or so, after years of hating each other and distance. So I had to try and figure stuff out from a hodgepodge of input from all around me, which to some extent I guess people do anyways. But it really struck me when I was in 9th grade, new to being a (physically) sexually mature young woman, capable of attracting boys and all...out of awkward middle school years...and I tried to listen to the boys and understand what I was supposed to be for them. Every time one would complain about something girls/women did that they hated, I'd tell myself, "Well. I'm not like HER. I can surely do better than that." Or bent my brain into mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to reconcile contradictory expectations from boys so that maybe one day somebody might actually love me, if I managed to crack the code of how to be everything they seemed to expect.
Of course part of growing up is learning and BELIEVING (much harder!) that you don't actually owe anyone anything, there is no call whatsoever to live your life around trying to make everybody feel good and please everybody, which you'll never do anyhow, and sometimes you do have every right to put your own wants and needs before those of another person. That last piece was a really difficult lesson. I don't think I ever started to learn that one until my 30's. I would say at least some of the casual sex I had as a teenager, was just not being able to come up with a good excuse not to, and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings over it.
Some of us have had quite a struggle to learn how to have and respect our own boundaries. Like not just those demanded by someone else, like a spouse, but our OWN. I explained this to my boyfriend and he found my perspective on it interesting. It never occurred to him that saying no to a man might actually be difficult or uncomfortable for a woman. He imagined we must get a kick out of it or something. Well, I can't speak for anyone else but I sure don't.
The worse rejection is by someone you know well..a stranger really doesn't know you and can be judging you on anything in a small time period..and you really don't have any attatchment to them..
Someone you know you seem to get along with great have similliar interests and senses of humor when they reject you it hurts because you get emotionally invested in that person..and could easily see yourself in a relationship with them because you know them very well..
It's also a bruise to the ego..because you figure you check all these boxes off and they still don't want you so you think they really must think you're very unattractive physically otherwise they'd want to go out with you ..
But I was brought up to want to be nice to other people and not hurt their feelings. And I didn't really have a good relationship with my father, to be able to teach me things about how men and women interact in the world, my parents divorced when I was 11 or so, after years of hating each other and distance. So I had to try and figure stuff out from a hodgepodge of input from all around me, which to some extent I guess people do anyways. ... Or bent my brain into mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to reconcile contradictory expectations from boys so that maybe one day somebody might actually love me, if I managed to crack the code of how to be everything they seemed to expect.
Oh wow! My teenage life was kind of similar. I didn't have a close relationship with anyone in my family, and was too shy to form close friendships, that I could turn to for guidance. (I had friends, but they were comparable to today's Meetup people.) And asking my parents was out of the question, due to them being very strict.
So just like you, I had to parse out random bits and pieces of useful information from anywhere and everywhere: library books, observations of classmates, teenage sitcoms (the most misleading information source I had access to), and other people's anecdotes. More often than not, I got highly confusing, contradictory messages. On one hand, I was raised to be nice (yes, that word). On the other hand, being nice to girls got me nowhere. Especially considering that I saw guys acting anything but nice, yet walking hand-in-hand with two girls. The crux of the problem was that I didn't know how to be "not nice", and the material to teach it didn't exist yet . It was 1997, after all.
It's not detailed. Now, individuals that are supposed to launch can defy orders, but...
Authorization of a nuclear or strategic attack[edit]
Only the President can direct the use of nuclear weapons by U.S. armed forces, including the Single Integrated Operational Plan (SIOP). While the President does have unilateral authority as commander-in-chief to order that nuclear weapons be used for any reason at any time, the actual procedures and technical systems in place for authorizing the execution of a launch order requires a secondary confirmation under a two-man rule, as the President's order is subject to secondary confirmation by the Secretary of Defense. If the Secretary of Defense does not concur, then the President may in his sole discretion fire the Secretary. The Secretary of Defense has legal authority to approve the order, but cannot veto it.
It's actually pretty scary...
Dude, come on. Sources, sources is the key. Ya only buy about half of why ya read in the internet, especially a site like Wikipedia, everyone knows or should know that it's not a be all end all source of USA nuclear deterrent policy. LOL, Jeez this is laughable.
Are you aware that just about anyone can add to Wikipedia???
I've also had the feeling that the few men who asked to know why I wasn't interested (these were usually the ones I rejected before we even met in person, on dating apps, at least that I can recall)...the ones that wanted reasons, I always got the feeling that they wanted something they could argue with. Like, "give me a reason, so I can explain why you're wrong and change your mind."
How about no.
My lack of interest in dating someone is not a matter that is open for debate.
I went through the same thing when I was dating. Certain men wanted to know reasons why. And if the reason wasn't "good enough" then in his mind, I was required to date him anyway.
Does it matter what the reason is? If a person isn't interested, then he/she's not interested. Period.
Sometimes it's just chemistry and you don't know why you aren't interested.
The worse rejection is by someone you know well..a stranger really doesn't know you and can be judging you on anything in a small time period..and you really don't have any attatchment to them..
Someone you know you seem to get along with great have similliar interests and senses of humor when they reject you it hurts because you get emotionally invested in that person..and could easily see yourself in a relationship with them because you know them very well..
It's also a bruise to the ego..because you figure you check all these boxes off and they still don't want you so you think they really must think you're very unattractive physically otherwise they'd want to go out with you ..
Or just don't emotionally invest so far into a friendship, by imagining it could be more. You end up setting yourself up for a fall, regardless of your appearance.
I went through the same thing when I was dating. Certain men wanted to know reasons why. And if the reason wasn't "good enough" then in his mind, I was required to date him anyway.
Does it matter what the reason is? If a person isn't interested, then he/she's not interested. Period.
Sometimes it's just chemistry and you don't know why you aren't interested.
What’s the harm in saying that to someone who would like answers instead of acting like you owe them nothing?
I’ve certainly felt like I have owed people no explanation in my lifetime and have had trouble putting directly in to words what I mean to be saying, but if they left confused I would attempt to tell them my side of the story.
That’s just being a decent person to someone.
If someone has given you no reason to fear or avoid them you shouldn’t avoid a dialogue with them.
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. It was 1997, after all.
