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This. Maybe it doesn't happen as much, but it's still an ideal held by a good few that men approach. My older female relatives swear up & down that only desperate or easy women approach or hit on men, and that you have the guy come to you -otherwise, he may sleep with you, but he won't actually date you.
Thing is, if you're an average person that's not dazzling people with your beauty, then you may need to do some approaching. lol This goes for men & women. You just have to be social and talk to people you find interesting or attractive, and let the chips fall where they may.
I have many lady friends due to my approaches since they have boyfriends, I never ask for their numbers. Totally inappropriate.
Women need to get better at saying "no" as well though.
When asked for a date a lot of women will go something like
"Uhm maybe... Ill check my schedule l8r and see if I can"
which also happens to be exactly what they would say if they were actually busy and didn't know if they could.
or "Maybe, ... I don't know...", "I'm really busy this week maybe some other time"
Which tells us exactly nothing unless we're looking for rejective body language...
Maybe I was slow or something but in my late teens it took me a couple of these before I started recognizing them as rejections. Tons of women will do anything to not have to say something straight up if they can postpone it.
These are easy enough to figure out. Here's one that takes the cake.
* * * Wednesday, 1:00 PM * * *
Man: "Do you want to get together on Friday after work?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "Great, see you on Friday."
* * * Friday, 4:55 PM * * *
Woman: "Um... I have to wash my hair tonight."
Which is something she should have said right at the beginning, rather than give the man false hope for days. Is it a power game of some sort, to make yourself feel large and in charge? Seriously, I want to know.
Fortunately, I quickly learned the idea that a date isn't happening until she's standing in front of me, wherever we agreed to meet. I also make a backup plan for the date time slot (like a Meetup or beers with friend), so I'm not stuck sitting at home if/when she cancels on me last minute.
Fortunately, I quickly learned the idea that a date isn't happening until she's standing in front of me at wherever we agreed to meet. I also make a backup plan for the date time slot (like a Meetup or beers with friend), so I'm not stuck sitting at home if/when she cancels on me.
Interesting from someone who bemoans his former friends ditching him for romantic relationships.
Interesting from someone who bemoans his former friends ditching him for romantic relationships.
That was before my friends settled down and got into relationships (and yes, ditched me). More recently, my backup plans consisted of Meetups. Although honestly, I haven't bothered with online dating since last year.
Don't get me wrong: I didn't "use" my friends as backup plans. I called a friend and offered to hang out, without saying that a girl just dumped me. If he's busy, that's on me; I should've planned in advance. But if we're both free, why not? Even more so, it was fair, because they did the same thing. I was happy to oblige. Well, at least until I learned how much people change due to relationships.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-04-2017 at 09:17 AM..
Imho, young men should be taught, "dont bother asking any girl out unless she flirts with you first. Its possible that shes interested in you, buts also possible shes pretending for any number of reasons. Advise them also to forget dating web sites and buying women drinks in bars and trying to hook up. In all cases, theres a high likelyhood of rejection.
Imho, young men should be taught, "dont bother asking any girl out unless she flirts with you first. Its possible that shes interested in you, buts also possible shes pretending for any number of reasons. Advise them also to forget dating web sites and buying women drinks in bars and trying to hook up. In all cases, theres a high likelyhood of rejection.
Flirting doesn't guarantee anything either..a lot of women just like the attention
Flirting doesn't guarantee anything either..a lot of women just like the attention
There's flirting, and there's flirting.
Attention flirting and interest flirting aren't too difficult to tell apart for most men over 25. The biggest tell is how a woman reacts to and reciprocates touch. But there other, more subtle tells. You really gotta handle it on a case-by-case basis for the most part, and react accordingly. Venues make a difference, but they're not the deciding factor.
There's also a third type: friendly flirting. It's when a woman engages in low-level flirting because she respects you, rather than likes you, as a way of making you feel good. I had a few women in my Meetup groups flirt with me that way. It actually feels pretty nice, even if there's no romantic interest. There's a catch: it's hard to tell apart from interest flirting.
Imho, young men should be taught, "dont bother asking any girl out unless she flirts with you first. Its possible that shes interested in you, buts also possible shes pretending for any number of reasons. Advise them also to forget dating web sites and buying women drinks in bars and trying to hook up. In all cases, theres a high likelyhood of rejection.
That will never happen.
Both sexes need to understand how to handle both sides (acceptance and rejection) so they can handle how to approach and deal with them, not avoid them or wait for one side to insist it happen.
Avoiding rejection isn’t a solution to solving the problems that can come with it.
Both sexes need to understand how to handle both sides (acceptance and rejection) so they can handle how to approach and deal with them, not avoid them or wait for one side to insist it happen.
Avoiding rejection isn’t a solution to solving the problems that can come with it.
Why not?
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Seriously, I want to know.
