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Even if they did it might not help with the next person. That person might love fedoras and be really touch feely so they might decide to break it off because you stopped being handsy and tossed the fedora.
Each person has different likes and dislikes what turns one person off may be just the thing that the next person would adore. While you may not be a match for one person you may be a perfect match for someone else.
Well, yeah, but...
We're talking about a first date here. Physical affection is all well and good, but realistically speaking, I can't imagine a woman being happy with a man who gets touchy-feely with her on a first date. Maaaybe if he's really attractive, but such men are a small percentage of male population. (Not to mention, they only place they encounter the word "no" is in a dictionary, which makes rejection a moot point.) And fedoras? They're a butt of jokes nowadays. That's why I used it as an example.
We're talking about a first date here. Physical affection is all well and good, but realistically speaking, I can't imagine a woman being happy with a man who gets touchy-feely with her on a first date. Maaaybe if he's really attractive, but such men are a small percentage of male population. (Not to mention, they only place they encounter the word "no" is in a dictionary, which makes rejection a moot point.) And fedoras? They're a butt of jokes nowadays. That's why I used it as an example.
Yes, and no.
I think it might be sort of common for women to have what I can only (I'm so sorry) call a "YOLO phase" after a breakup of a longterm relationship. A period of time where they're like "eff it, I'm gonna have some fun!" Go a little wild.
I could think this is just my own experience talking if it were not for my fling dude. He has this down to a science. He seeks women who put on their OLD profiles that they are separated, newly divorced, etc. and he pursues them. "Handsy" would be an understatement for how he approached our first date. After dinner we walked around downtown. He made slightly disturbing jokes about alleyways. When we were at the point where it would make sense to part ways (near our cars, having walked around a few blocks) he not only went in for a kiss, he bit me on the shoulder, hard. And then asked in my ear if I wanted to come back to his place. And in fact...I decided, what the hell, and I did.
I didn't really regret it, either. I was upset when he pulled his fade-out at the end, but in retrospect I am glad I got to have that experience with him, because he was a lot of fun.
Now, most sensible women I've spoken to, have said, "OMG crazy I would have RUN." But here's the thing...I'm not the only one who has fallen for this, with him. I later met a woman who knows three other women who have slept with this guy, and all have the same factors in common. Freshly out of a marriage or LTR, in a risk taking phase. He knows his demographic. And he only ever does the same exact thing...a hot fling for a few weeks, then gradually the encounters get further and further apart, and eventually no more, with some weird excuses in between. It's just his game.
He was nearly 50 then, short, out of shape, nerdy glasses, at best unremarkable looking. But charismatic for sure, and I'm guessing that's because he used to be the singer in a successful local band for quite a long time. He got used to thinking of himself as desirable then, and that hasn't really changed. But I still think that his choice of targets has a lot to do with being able to pull this off.
We're talking about a first date here. Physical affection is all well and good, but realistically speaking, I can't imagine a woman being happy with a man who gets touchy-feely with her on a first date. Maaaybe if he's really attractive, but such men are a small percentage of male population. (Not to mention, they only place they encounter the word "no" is in a dictionary, which makes rejection a moot point.) And fedoras? They're a butt of jokes nowadays. That's why I used it as an example.
I have heard "you can just grab them by the *****, and they let you do it".
A few months ago smeone I know actually said this and it made sense. He said women get so many messages by men they ignore they get hit on hit constantly, and their egos are large because of the attention. He basically said, "make your money, live your life, and let a woman know she's into you first." I took his advice and surprise I met a 20 year old (she was 19 when I met her ) woman at school. I opened the door for her, asked what her name was, got her number, and basically stopped there. She showed romantic interest and I asked her out. We've been dating for almost a month now, things are going well so far.
Thats some good news for all you've been going through lately. Good for you.
Boys in our culture lack guidance on becoming men on multiple fronts from the breakdown of the family unit, to the education system, up to including the Federal Government.
Imho, young men should be taught, "dont bother asking any girl out unless she flirts with you first. Its possible that shes interested in you, buts also possible shes pretending for any number of reasons. Advise them also to forget dating web sites and buying women drinks in bars and trying to hook up. In all cases, theres a high likelyhood of rejection.
And IMHO, young men (or men of any age, as well as women, too) should NEVER take this advice. This is the most BRUTAL advice that I've seen on here in at least a week or two. This type of terrible advice, would lead to a lot more single people, and an even higher volume of complainers on this forum. I feel like many of them were taught this, or at least seemed to practice it. I did for 5 years and I got bupkis as far as dates went, until I started asking them out.
If I were taught to do this, I wouldn't have been with a woman in about 15 years almost, and I would ONLY been with one. Because almost every woman that I've went out with, did not flirt with me first and showed very little interest. In fact, my first long term girlfriend, didn't even know I existed, until I sent her a message on a non-dating website. My now-fiance? Forget about it. I'm glad I didn't practice this theory when we met, or I'd be a sad sack of sorry.
So yeah, terrible advice, this is the kind of stuff that promotes chronic singledom, which several of our poster here have suffered from, what I suffered from at the top of the decade, as well. And if rejection bothers you, maybe you need to grow some thicker skin.
And IMHO, young men (or men of any age, as well as women, too) should NEVER take this advice. This is the most BRUTAL advice that I've seen on here in at least a week or two. This type of terrible advice, would lead to a lot more single people, and an even higher volume of complainers on this forum. I feel like many of them were taught this, or at least seemed to practice it. I did for 5 years and I got bupkis as far as dates went, until I started asking them out.
If I were taught to do this, I wouldn't have been with a woman in about 15 years almost, and I would ONLY been with one. Because almost every woman that I've went out with, did not flirt with me first and showed very little interest. In fact, my first long term girlfriend, didn't even know I existed, until I sent her a message on a non-dating website. My now-fiance? Forget about it. I'm glad I didn't practice this theory when we met, or I'd be a sad sack of sorry.
So yeah, terrible advice, this is the kind of stuff that promotes chronic singledom, which several of our poster here have suffered from, what I suffered from at the top of the decade, as well. And if rejection bothers you, maybe you need to grow some thicker skin.
Agreed with everything, except the bold. That's not helpful advice either. Giving someone advice or pointers on how to possibly get over a hump, sure. But just saying "get over it"- is least helpful suggestion there is.
How does one get the thicker skin? You can't just tell them to get it, and they pick it up at a store. What are some ways you suggest a sensitive person become more of a hardened person whom rejection doesn't bother? Some people have been getting rejected constantly or for years, and it still bothers them on a more personal level than what it should. Very low self-esteem people. How do they move past that?
Agreed with everything, except the bold. That's not helpful advice either. Giving someone advice or pointers on how to possibly get over a hump, sure. But just saying "get over it"- is least helpful suggestion there is.
How does one get the thicker skin? You can't just tell them to get it, and they pick it up at a store. What are some ways you suggest a sensitive person become more of a hardened person whom rejection doesn't bother? Some people have been getting rejected constantly or for years, and it still bothers them on a more personal level than what it should. Very low self-esteem people. How do they move past that?
Learn somehow to handle a "no"? For example, through professional therapy or self help books?
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