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If you really want someone that you desire, you're gonna have to go get her. You'll be waiting an eternity, if you wait for her to come to you. You might be frickin dead before she gets to you. Don't waste your life and time waiting for something that might never come, go out and get it. Waiting for something to happen, breeds chronic singledom and the deterioration of social/dating skills. The kind that we see from many of the guys who start posting around here.
This is some of the best advice I've seen regarding relationships. I had two instances when I was 13 and 14. Two instances girls took an initiative to initiate contact, showing affection. It wasn't anything big at all, but I went through two years following thinking girls would make it known and the reality is many won't, and some are only capable of light flirting to get a guy's attention. I did finally ask a girl out to prom at 16, but the whole things was a disaster because I had too strong of feelings for someone I didn't even know. That prom date was my only date during my high school years. I had a couple of girls actually show interest, but I didn't pursue due to a handful of issues.
Staying home for college was horrible, but right when I turned 20 I finally pursued girls, but I still was dealing with horrible social/dating skills because I was about four to six years behind my peers in dating/relationship experience. I ended up finding someone, but my wife has issues that sometimes make it hard to be with her. If there is one thing I could do over in life it is dating during my teen years, and not being so scared to be involved in activities, social scenes, etc..
This is some of the best advice I've seen regarding relationships. I had two instances when I was 13 and 14. Two instances girls took an initiative to initiate contact, showing affection. It wasn't anything big at all, but I went through two years following thinking girls would make it known and the reality is many won't, and some are only capable of light flirting to get a guy's attention. I did finally ask a girl out to prom at 16, but the whole things was a disaster because I had too strong of feelings for someone I didn't even know. That prom date was my only date during my high school years. I had a couple of girls actually show interest, but I didn't pursue due to a handful of issues.
Staying home for college was horrible, but right when I turned 20 I finally pursued girls, but I still was dealing with horrible social/dating skills because I was about four to six years behind my peers in dating/relationship experience. I ended up finding someone, but my wife has issues that sometimes make it hard to be with her. If there is one thing I could do over in life it is dating during my teen years, and not being so scared to be involved in activities, social scenes, etc..
Thank you, much appreciated! I was actually 20, when I started pursuing. Pursued a few earlier than that, but not much luck. Just one in 11th grade, who actually pursued me. I had a few dates back in the Summer of 2003, right in between losing my virginity during a month long fling with a girl, and meeting someone whom eventually became a 5+ year relationship. Then, when that relationship ended, I tried a few times, then gave up very easily. It wasn't until around or after my 30th birthday, that I decided to put any of this into action. I'll tell you, though, my social skills/dating skills, had eroded. I had to dig myself out of quite the hole. The same hole that I imagine a lot of guys who start threads on this board are in, when they come here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alpha_waves
Late to the party here, but I gotta say: What kinda rejection are we talking about? If it's being rejected (generally through being ignored, i.e. silent rejection) applying for jobs in today's market or dating through apps or online, you've got to be high. Rejection is relentless compared to when I was younger. Those things weren't exactly easy when I was younger, but it's absolutely brutal in 2017. It leaves you numb and unsure of your very being.
I'd like to think it'll make a generation of people that are tough as nails, but honestly I think it's more likely to create a lot of people unsure where to put their confidence and viewing the world as endless grinding with luck being more important than recognition.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. If you're getting rejected? You gotta keep trying. To hell with anyone who says that it reeks of desperation. This isn't elementary/middle school, where you should worry about being lambasted for asking out a number of people. ''EWWW! You asked out more than one girl? OMG! UR LEIK SO DESPERATE!''. Those who have went out with a lot of different people, likely have asked out a lot of people and have been rejected by a colossal amount. Whether that's ignoring of messages on OLD, having someone you know in real life or don't know in real life, turn you down. Maybe you got a phone number, and they never replied back when you contacted them? It happens.
I waited almost 5 years for a woman to approach me. My results? One, very pregnant women, ''Approached'' me. And by very pregnant, I mean 7-8 months along? And come to find out, this girl wasn't even single and from what she told me, wasn't even with that dad of the child that she was carrying anymore. So this probably doesn't even count as an approach. After an additionally pathetically long dateless stretch, I bit the bullet and realized that I need to start approaching.
If you really want someone that you desire, you're gonna have to go get her. You'll be waiting an eternity, if you wait for her to come to you. You might be frickin dead before she gets to you. Don't waste your life and time waiting for something that might never come, go out and get it. Waiting for something to happen, breeds chronic singledom and the deterioration of social/dating skills. The kind that we see from many of the guys who start posting around here.
Men already know this lets start pitching this message to women maybe things will change.
You have a point too. But if it's something that can be corrected, like "you got too handsy with me" (mundane example), or "you wore a fedora on our date" (extreme example), wouldn't it be better to tell him that? So the rejectee doesn't get too handsy with the next person, or donates the fedora to Goodwill instead of wearing it. But never mind; our social mores are too entrenched to change singlehandedly by some dude on City Data.
That only makes sense to you because you seem to think all women are the same. They are not, so one woman's "handsy" is another's foreplay.
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When I was growing up, what I saw was many girls stringing along guys soley for the power trip and when they would finally cut it off, the guy was like, wtf just happened?
Now comes along texting and social media that exacerbates the problems.
I think many of these issues would be solved if men and women plainly and respectfully, in person, said they were done or no to a relationship.
That only makes sense to you because you seem to think all women are the same. They are not, so one woman's "handsy" is another's foreplay.
I was being generic. I'm well aware that the definition of "too handsy" varies from woman to woman. Even so, I believe there's some consistency across the board. For example, not every woman will feel comfortable, say, swing dancing on a first date, because you have to hold hands to do it. (Unless she's from a touch-heavy culture, or she's a social dancer and is "desensitized" to holding hands.) But nearly every woman will balk at a man touching her thigh on a first date, to use one example. (Except if he's... let's not go there. )
When it comes to social interaction, have zero expectations.
Lose all sense of entitlement.
True, but there is a fine line between having healthy expectations and having entitlements. It comes down to both of them being an attitude and how you approach life in general. What would life be life without having expectations, standards and goals? Sure it no good to become outcome dependent or attached in our social interactions but having high expectations I think is perfectly healthy and normal. How you balance this without becoming needy or entitled is an art.
Late to the party here, but I gotta say: What kinda rejection are we talking about? If it's being rejected (generally through being ignored, i.e. silent rejection) applying for jobs in today's market or dating through apps or online, you've got to be high. Rejection is relentless compared to when I was younger. Those things weren't exactly easy when I was younger, but it's absolutely brutal in 2017. It leaves you numb and unsure of your very being.
I'd like to think it'll make a generation of people that are tough as nails, but honestly I think it's more likely to create a lot of people unsure where to put their confidence and viewing the world as endless grinding with luck being more important than recognition.
It won't be a grind if people stop seeking to get validation from another person. Sure we all want to be liked and admired, but if your self worth is dictated by whether another person accepts or rejects you then yes life will surely be a long grind...
You always put your confidence in yourself, because that's the most important relationship you'll ever have in this world is with yourself.
When it comes to social interaction, have zero expectations.
Lose all sense of entitlement.
I dont think it's always entitlement some people are just more sensitive towards rejection then others.
Me I'm insecure about my looks and ability to attract women so I take rejection extremely hard..has nothing to do with entitlement
Sure some people are entitled or narcissistic and that's why they can't take rejection but not always the case.
Sometimes the rejected person feels inadequate because of constant rejection.
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I was actually 20, when I started pursuing. Pursued a few earlier than that, but not much luck. Just one in 11th grade, who actually pursued me. I had a few dates back in the Summer of 2003, right in between losing my virginity during a month long fling with a girl, and meeting someone whom eventually became a 5+ year relationship. Then, when that relationship ended, I tried a few times, then gave up very easily. It wasn't until around or after my 30th birthday, that I decided to put any of this into action. I'll tell you, though, my social skills/dating skills, had eroded. I had to dig myself out of quite the hole. The same hole that I imagine a lot of guys who start threads on this board are in, when they come here.
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