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That class is called make 3 years worth of cold calls for a sales job, estimated 40-50k dials within that time span, and quickly you'll develop some of the thickest skin on the planet.... Like I did
That's not to say rejection doesn't bother me or hurt, but I've developed resiliency, being able to quickly bound back from set backs mentally as well as emotionally. I had no other choice when I was making cold sales calls, I needed to train myself to be able to get over temporarily disappointment and defeat as quickly as possible.
After getting rejected a lot you become numb and not care as much. I have an "On to the next one" type of attitude now towards rejection.
I think the crux of the problem is that when men get rejected or dumped, a woman seldom, if ever at all, tells them why she's doing it. Not even generic reasons, like whether the rejection is due to something they did (e.g. tried to kiss her), something they are (e.g. not attractive enough), or something genuinely non-personal (e.g. lives too far). So they can never learn from their "mistakes", and do it diffrently next time with the next person. They just get rejected with what's basically a non-verbal "too bad, so sad!". And that's if they made an actual mistake, rather than simply initiated things with the wrong person.
Heck, that's enough to rile anyone up! But since men are shamed into not showing they emotions, and they're shamed early and often, the negative energy builds up and gets released into all sorts of unhealthy ways.
Of course you'd try to pin this on women. Men not handling rejection stems from them as boys not learning it, not because women decline to go out with them and don't tell them why.
not because women decline to go out with them and don't tell them why.
Does anyone do this, though? Most people, men and women, get turned down with a "you're really great, but I just don't think we're a match." If some dude presented me with an itemized list of my perceived flaws, I'd think he was a nutjob.
Of course you'd try to pin this on women. Men not handling rejection stems from them as boys not learning it, not because women decline to go out with them and don't tell them why.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Does anyone do this, though? Most people, men and women, get turned down with a "you're really great, but I just don't think we're a match." If some dude presented me with an itemized list of my perceived flaws, I'd think he was a nutjob.
You have a point too. But if it's something that can be corrected, like "you got too handsy with me" (mundane example), or "you wore a fedora on our date" (extreme example), wouldn't it be better to tell him that? So the rejectee doesn't get too handsy with the next person, or donates the fedora to Goodwill instead of wearing it. But never mind; our social mores are too entrenched to change singlehandedly by some dude on City Data.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
I think the crux of the problem is that when men get rejected or dumped, a woman seldom, if ever at all, tells them why she's doing it. Not even generic reasons, like whether the rejection is due to something they did (e.g. tried to kiss her), something they are (e.g. not attractive enough), or something genuinely non-personal (e.g. lives too far). So they can never learn from their "mistakes", and do it diffrently next time with the next person. They just get rejected with what's basically a non-verbal "too bad, so sad!". And that's if they made an actual mistake, rather than simply initiated things with the wrong person.
Heck, that's enough to rile anyone up! But since men are shamed into not showing they emotions, and they're shamed early and often, the negative energy builds up and gets released into all sorts of unhealthy ways.
Why should she? Why should it matter?
Whether she just is interested because she isn't interested, or because she has a specific reason, it doesn't matter.
I used to, when I was a young, dumb, kid think it did matter. I'd ask why. Wonder why. All that ever did was fuel me with thoughts of depression and anger. I beat myself up. Why wasn't I in better shape. Why wasn't I better looking. Why wasn't I as good as the guy in the band they were getting with. Why wasn't I smoother... she likes me as a friend, why not more? Etc etc.
All that doesn't help one little damn thing. It just fuels negativity to think I made "mistakes" and that some how, for some reason, I wasn't worth loving.
The reality was she wasn't interested, and it just didn't matter why she wasn't. Not one little bit. And the reality also is, trying to fix "mistakes" in order to have someone else dig you is fool hearty. It doesn't work.
I think the crux of the problem is that when men get rejected or dumped, a woman seldom, if ever at all, tells them why she's doing it. Not even generic reasons, like whether the rejection is due to something they did (e.g. tried to kiss her), something they are (e.g. not attractive enough), or something genuinely non-personal (e.g. lives too far). So they can never learn from their "mistakes", and do it diffrently next time with the next person. They just get rejected with what's basically a non-verbal "too bad, so sad!". And that's if they made an actual mistake, rather than simply initiated things with the wrong person.
Heck, that's enough to rile anyone up! But since men are shamed into not showing they emotions, and they're shamed early and often, the negative energy builds up and gets released into all sorts of unhealthy ways.
What good would that do?
If she told you you're not attractive enough are you gonna buy a new face?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
Maybe not. But at least I'll know if it's because of my face, or because of something I can easily stop doing.
Either way, I rest my case. People here like to keep the mystery in their rejections. Oh well.
Most of the time I've rejected someone it was because I wasn't feeling it. Nothing more, nothing less. There wasn't tangible reasons, it just wasn't there. But it really does not matter.
If you're wondering what you can do to improve chances, that is something to ask a good friend, not someone you want to get with.
Most of the time I've rejected someone it was because I wasn't feeling it. Nothing more, nothing less. There wasn't tangible reasons, it just wasn't there. But it really does not matter.
If you're wondering what you can do to improve chances, that is something to ask a good friend, not someone you want to get with.
"Not feeling it" is oftentimes code for things that aren't politically correct to say, like thinking someone is ugly. It can be genuine, but usually... . So I always take that line with a grain of salt. As for learning to improve my chances, I'm already doing that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
"Not feeling it" is oftentimes code for things that aren't politically correct to say, like thinking someone is ugly. It can be genuine, but usually... . So I always take that line with a grain of salt. As for learning to improve my chances, I'm already doing that.
I think you just want to be offended and find reasons to be offended from that response.
It really serves nobody any good purpose to tell them why they're being rejected. ESPECIALLY since if isn't what they want to hear then they'll reject the explanation anyway.
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. So I always take that line with a grain of salt. As for learning to improve my chances, I'm already doing that.
