Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Okay, another example: a woman dies in childbirth in a hospital. I would hope it's obvious that I'm in no way attributing blame to this woman or even to that hospital. She clearly made it all through the pregnancy to birth and went to a reputable facility in order to ensure the best care, and I'm sure the staff didn't just stand there and let her die, but tried their best to save her. I'm simply curious what happened since that sort of death is at least thought to be relatively rare these days in a medical setting. Yet I'd be tarred and feathered if I were to inquire about it (again, in a news site comment section; not on a family member's or friend's Facebook page). It's a) none of my business, and b) deemed "insensitive." Yet I'm curious, and so the question occurs to me; I'd like to know - not because I'm "nosy," but to add to my own general knowledge about things. I see nothing wrong with that and don't understand why (apparently) so many do.
Must be just me!
My mind is curious, just like you. When I read/hear about tragic events, I automatically think “I wonder what happened”. But I realize there is “tact” involved with such things. If curiosity is just eating away at me, I either ask a mutual acquaintance about the details or just let my mind ponder until the details expose themselves accordingly.
Like right now, a FB friend is asking for donations for his wife’s upcoming surgery. My mind immediately went into “I wonder what type of surgery”, instead of straight to empathy mode.
My mind is curious, just like you. When I read/hear about tragic events, I automatically think “I wonder what happened”. But I realize there is “tact” involved with such things. If curiosity is just eating away at me, I either ask a mutual acquaintance about the details or just let my mind ponder until the details expose themselves accordingly.
Like right now, a FB friend is asking for donations for his wife’s upcoming surgery. My mind immediately went into “I wonder what type of surgery”, instead of straight to empathy mode.
And I see nothing wrong with that. Especially when, as in these cases, they are NEWS ITEMS and not posted to friends' or family members' personal social media sites. If it's in the public eye, it's open to public scrutiny. Heaven help humanity if we stop thinking critically (by which I mean rationally -- not necessarily judgmentally) or become incurious or, worse yet, become afraid to question and comment.
Heaven help humanity if we stop thinking critically (by which I mean rationally -- not necessarily judgmentally) or become incurious or, worse yet, become afraid to question and comment.
The comments section of news sites is the literal dregs of humanity. It's full of thoughtless, drive-by excretions from people who know they have little to no accountability for their comments. Obviously some still try to apply some accountability, as you have witnessed, but if "heaven" wants to help humanity, the comments section is the LAST place I hope it looks.
What is this phenomenon? Someone posts some bad news (it's either a personal problem and thus a plea for sympathy or else a reposting of a public tragedy, such as a traffic accident), and one hundred people post "thoughts and prayers." If anyone deviates from the script and does NOT post "thoughts and prayers," but rather offers advice to address the personal problem or inquires as to what could have caused the tragic accident, that person is savaged by the "thoughts and prayers" contingent with accusations of being rude and uncaring. Is this simple herd mentality, or are people actually offended or threatened by a problem-solving approach to life?
Mod note: This post and those following it have been merged into an existing thread on the same topic.
IF your advice could/would ACTUALLY help, that's one thing. But if you're offering your 20/20 hindsight to an accident, or some kind of tragedy that befallen someone, it's unnecessary, pointless, and can be seen as cruel and thoughtless.
For example...my neighbor has a son that's had legal and drug problems as long as I've known this family. It would be cruel and thoughtless to say something like "Well maybe if you hadn't coddled him his whole life...." That's not helpful at all. (And just to be clear, I have no idea if he was coddled his whole life. I'm just using that as an example.)
IMHO it is a convenient substitution for saying something unique and personal. We want to be included in the list of people who are nice...not uncaring. It doesn't take much effort or thought. A verbal emoji. Clicking "like" on a social media post instead of writing out something in our own words. We get included in the sheep, not the goats.
I don't think it has anything to do with making or wanting to hear helpful comments or suggestions.
I went back and read some of the thread that Birdie referred to.
It made me think about the people who like to throw 'bombs' into the comment sections, regarding sad news, tragedies, accidents, etc. I call them bombs because it seems (to me) that it's done for the sake of upsetting people.
I remember, maybe a year ago, something that was in the news where I live. A body was discovered behind an alley. People were speculating online about it. Who was it, what happened, etc. And then someone posted that this person was her brother. She alluded to him having drug problems, and making a series of bad life choices...but didn't go into great detail. She also said how he was a fun and loving uncle, a teaser, and a loving brother.
To me, this was a hint to "please tread lightly. He was not perfect, but he was loved."
THEN it came out that this guy and a girl had attempted to do a Craigslist robbery...but their 'victim' wasn't a dummy, and came to the meeting place armed. When the girl and the guy attempted to rob him...the 'victim' shot the guy, and the girl took off.
And of course, a few people had to say things like "good riddance to bad trash" and stuff like "This is what drugs will do to you. Better him than the other guy" and just all kinds of not helpful comments...knowing this sister of the guy had previously commented, and might still be following.
To ME...those kind of comments are pointless, cruel, and just mean. It's taking the knife and twisting it, into someone who doesn't deserve that.
So if THAT'S the kind of "Pertinent" and "insightful" comments being offered up...I'd rather have the "thoughts and prayers" comments. At least those are benign.
As an example... One car inexplicable slams head-on into another on a two-lane road. After 100 comments that mindlessly repeat "thoughts and prayers," which - fine - but doesn't really lead to understanding, I would feel compelled to ask how or why the accident happened. That's widely considered rude, insensitive, unfeeling, not compassionate, or - I suppose - "a bomb," even if the people involved are complete strangers to everyone posting "thoughts and prayers." I view it as a natural and healthy - even helpful and productive - curiosity, as knowing the answer could lead to fewer accidents, so this hysterical and irrational repugnance to it puzzles me. People are sheep who flock together and imitate each other and are terrified to deviate from the party line, is all I can figure.
Last edited by otterhere; 02-19-2020 at 08:02 AM..
I went back and read some of the thread that Birdie referred to.
It made me think about the people who like to throw 'bombs' into the comment sections, regarding sad news, tragedies, accidents, etc. I call them bombs because it seems (to me) that it's done for the sake of upsetting people.
I remember, maybe a year ago, something that was in the news where I live. A body was discovered behind an alley. People were speculating online about it. Who was it, what happened, etc. And then someone posted that this person was her brother. She alluded to him having drug problems, and making a series of bad life choices...but didn't go into great detail. She also said how he was a fun and loving uncle, a teaser, and a loving brother.
To me, this was a hint to "please tread lightly. He was not perfect, but he was loved."
THEN it came out that this guy and a girl had attempted to do a Craigslist robbery...but their 'victim' wasn't a dummy, and came to the meeting place armed. When the girl and the guy attempted to rob him...the 'victim' shot the guy, and the girl took off.
And of course, a few people had to say things like "good riddance to bad trash" and stuff like "This is what drugs will do to you. Better him than the other guy" and just all kinds of not helpful comments...knowing this sister of the guy had previously commented, and might still be following.
To ME...those kind of comments are pointless, cruel, and just mean. It's taking the knife and twisting it, into someone who doesn't deserve that.
So if THAT'S the kind of "Pertinent" and "insightful" comments being offered up...I'd rather have the "thoughts and prayers" comments. At least those are benign.
So when can I say ;
"good riddance to bad trash" and stuff like "This is what drugs will do to you. Better him than the other guy" .
How is a lot of yahoos speculating about an accident helpful? I get the curiosity. Everyone has curiosity. BUT it's rarely everyone's business.
Like I said, I get curiosity, and wondering what happened. I don't even think I'd be upset at someone saying "What happened". But what DOES bother me is when people SPECULATE about what happened.
"He must've been drunk."
"She must've been talking on her cell phone"
"Medical emergency...yeah right. I bet it was a fentanyl overdose"
When really, no one has any idea what happened YET.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"Thoughts and Prayers" Compliance
