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My answer to your dilemma is to turn your back and walk away. If there's somebody in my life who even *thinks* about manipulating me, or lies to me, or tries to belittle me in any way - that's when I turn into a block of ice - they ain't getting nowhere with me...lol.
It's real simple - anybody who's causing you grief, you just need to walk away. It doesn't matter how much yummy maple syrup they pour over your pancakes - all that talk how great your songs are, oh, you're so wonderful - and wham! - that nasty anger comes out - it's no way, Jose time.
Of course the choice is *yours* to make - nobody can do this for you. Be strong. Do what's right for you.
People cause each other grief. I can't imagine having everyone in my life being constantly lovey-dovey. In this world??
My close relatives have given me awful grief. I don't want to become a complete orphan with no family, just because I'm too proud to tolerate any nonsense.
People cause each other grief. I can't imagine having everyone in my life being constantly lovey-dovey. In this world??
My close relatives have given me awful grief. I don't want to become a complete orphan with no family, just because I'm too proud to tolerate any nonsense.
I can. It doesn't always happen, but I strive for perfection. Yes, in this world. Be the change you want to be, and all that jazz.
I guess I'm a bit cold when it comes to people who give me grief - this includes a family member, my sister. Socially, we might as well as be on opposite sides of the Solar System...lol. But that's just me, I suppose. I tell you what, though - she don't cause me no grief no mo'.
When someone gives you grief, especially when it's a "close family member" - is it so hard for you to say you're hurting me? Do you ever toss a fit when treated badly? Or just say I can't be around you when you're like this? If you don't, they're going to keep doing it, trust me. Why would they change their behavior one iota, if you're not exacting a heavy price for their bad behavior toward you?
I can. It doesn't always happen, but I strive for perfection. Yes, in this world. Be the change you want to be, and all that jazz.
I guess I'm a bit cold when it comes to people who give me grief - this includes a family member, my sister. Socially, we might as well as be on opposite sides of the Solar System...lol. But that's just me, I suppose. I tell you what, though - she don't cause me no grief no mo'.
When someone gives you grief, especially when it's a "close family member" - is it so hard for you to say you're hurting me? Do you ever toss a fit when treated badly? Or just say I can't be around you when you're like this? If you don't, they're going to keep doing it, trust me. Why would they change their behavior one iota, if you're not exacting a heavy price for their bad behavior toward you?
This is at least part of the reason our society is so fragmented. People decided they couldn't tolerate their mother-in-laws, or their cousins, so they stopped socializing with them. They didn't like their neighbors. Then they decided their brothers and sisters were too difficult, maybe even their parents.
Hey, no problem, there is always your iPhone and your video games! Who needs friends or relatives anymore.
This is at least part of the reason our society is so fragmented. People decided they couldn't tolerate their mother-in-laws, or their cousins, so they stopped socializing with them. They didn't like their neighbors. Then they decided their brothers and sisters were too difficult, maybe even their parents.
Hey, no problem, there is always your iPhone and your video games! Who needs friends or relatives anymore.
You are the one that said your family members are bullies. And you said a bully means that they "dominate someone with anger"
Now you are saying it's just normal family stress & issues.
It's hard to decide if you call everything "bullying" or if you are rationalizing that you stay in
unhealthy relationships where you are truly being bullied.
The words bully or bullying have become so overused as to become almost meaningless. How are internet strangers supposed to know what someone means when they say they've been "bullied" unless they actually describe the behaviors? There are endless specific behaviors that could be included under this label.
The words bully or bullying have become so overused as to become almost meaningless. How are internet strangers supposed to know what someone means when they say they've been "bullied" unless they actually describe the behaviors? There are endless specific behaviors that could be included under this label.
every "journalist" in the media today needs to read your comment.
I hardly ever was bullied as a child, maybe because I am female. However, I experienced LOTS of bullying as an adult. Maybe because I lost all my confidence when my parents divorced, when I was about 16. Having no confidence, and seeming weak, might encourage bullies. They might see you as a good target because you don't fight back.
My ex husband bullied me for 10 years. He was an angry alcoholic, and I was someone he could safely unleash his rage at. He left me for another woman, and I know from facebook they are divorced and he never found a good relationship.
In my next romantic relationship, my darling won every argument by saying if I didn't like something I could leave. The thing I disliked, and complained about, was his being with other women.
When my mother became disabled, my siblings, who both have anger problems, repeatedly raged at me for not being a good enough caregiver. They were off the hook because they live far away. Since I never fought back, they never learned to respect me.
I was bullied by managers at 3 jobs, for a total of about 15 years. I stayed, because I thought maybe it was my fault for not doing good enough work, and being afraid I would not find another job.
Could it be my fault somehow that I was bullied so much? Is there something wrong with me? I often wondered about that. I even get bullied at CD forums.
But my most recent experience makes me think I am just a natural target, because I don't have a strong enough personality.
My hobby is music and I and a male friend, I'll call him Wacko, are in the process of trying to start a band. Wacko has periodically gotten extremely angry at me over little things. Recently Wacko and I found a third musician, Kyle, to play with us. The other day we were practicing and Wacko got angry at me for some tiny thing, and he made it into a tremendous big deal. He expressed the anger in email, after we all went home.
I wrote to Wacko and said he was going to scare Kyle off, by expressing all that anger over nothing. Wacko wrote back and said conflict is normal, Kyle can handle it, and it's better to express anger than keep it in.
Kyle wrote to me privately and said he was freaked out by Wacko's anger at me. I had done nothing wrong, and there was no reason for Wacko to be angry.
So, I'm thinking, maybe I am a natural target because I don't have a good enough opinion of myself, and because I seem weak.
I always thought if I was nice to people, they would be nice to me. That is true for some, but it is not true for bullies.
I can't be perfect and always say and do the right things. So when a bully gets angry at me, I can always think of something I did wrong that might have caused it.
But maybe it isn't my mistakes that cause the anger. Maybe it is because I give them a safe outlet for their frustrations and rage.
I'm not really sure that bullying is a useful word to describe your string of bad relationships. It looks to me like you simply enter into relationships with abusive people and then don't end them. I think you just need to be more selective about who you associate with. If my family members aren't decent to me, I don't speak to them until they are. If friends are whacko, I unfriend. Bosses you are kind of stuck with until you find a new job, and we've all been there. But why you would forge ahead starting a band with an abusive partner makes no sense. You need to learn when to remove people from your life, and then choose better people.
The words bully or bullying have become so overused as to become almost meaningless. How are internet strangers supposed to know what someone means when they say they've been "bullied" unless they actually describe the behaviors? There are endless specific behaviors that could be included under this label.
So true. Everyone is calling everything bullying now. Most of all, bullies now call their victims bullies, as a great new form of gas-lighting. A bully is someone who intentionally manipulates other through the use of force or intimidation, or deliberately hurts others with some form of relational aggression, direct or otherwise. The thing is, many people appear to be bullies who don't see themselves that way, and aren't intentionally hurting anyone. I once saw a group of women get together and attack another woman they didn't like, because she was outspoken and they didn't like her opinions. They labeled her a bully, and then hurt her very badly by spreading rumors about her, all in "self-defense" of their poor, victimized selves. Who was the bully there? Bully is such an overused term that it's now mostly become a rhetorical weapon.
You are the one that said your family members are bullies. And you said a bully means that they "dominate someone with anger"
Now you are saying it's just normal family stress & issues.
It's hard to decide if you call everything "bullying" or if you are rationalizing that you stay in
unhealthy relationships where you are truly being bullied.
It is not possible to divide everything into black vs white.
So true. Everyone is calling everything bullying now. Most of all, bullies now call their victims bullies, as a great new form of gas-lighting. A bully is someone who intentionally manipulates other through the use of force or intimidation, or deliberately hurts others with some form of relational aggression, direct or otherwise. The thing is, many people appear to be bullies who don't see themselves that way, and aren't intentionally hurting anyone. I once saw a group of women get together and attack another woman they didn't like, because she was outspoken and they didn't like her opinions. They labeled her a bully, and then hurt her very badly by spreading rumors about her, all in "self-defense" of their poor, victimized selves. Who was the bully there? Bully is such an overused term that it's now mostly become a rhetorical weapon.
Yes I have seen that also. Everyone sees their self as nice and wonderful.
Every time I was the target of anger and unfairness, I tried to see how it might be my fault.
In this case with Wacko, however, I did have a witness who was pretty shocked.
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Yes, in this world. Be the change you want to be, and all that jazz.
I tell you what, though - she don't cause me no grief no mo'. 
every "journalist" in the media
