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I'd concentrate less on how to be lonely and more on how to keep your relationships from imploding. Imploding!
Have you considered some cognitive behavioral therapy to help you with your self esteem and communication skills?? Might smooth the way for more effective communications and stronger relationships.
Hi, thanks for commenting. Yeah, I've been in therapy, quite a bit actually. I'm way past where I was 20 years ago. But I still hate being alone. And it's not like I don't have plenty of experience being single and alone, I do. So it's not like I haven't tried dang it. My relationships usually fail because they should have never begun in the first place. My ex-wife left because I take care of my parents and they live with me. Not complaining here, just painting a picture for you.
I used to feel like you once upon a time. However, I realized no one can make me happy. Only I can make myself happy. I don't connect with people easily either. I have people I associate with and they have formed an attachment to me, but it's rare I feel anything deeper than an "associate" level bond with others. I accepted that is how I'm wired. Finding a partner was a priority for me because others indirectly told me it should be, but I was able to pull myself free from that mindset.
After coming to terms with who I was, everything opened up. I met all of my friends in college and we still talk daily. I'm single and the thought of being alone doesn't bother me. I'm pretty comfortable. It sounds like you have self esteem issues and you sound very insecure. I think you would benefit from finding a therapist. They can help you set up small goals that will help build your confidence and start you on a different path. That quote CapsChick posted hit the nail on the head.
Hi, thanks for commenting. Yeah, I've been in therapy, quite a bit actually. I'm way past where I was 20 years ago. But I still hate being alone. And it's not like I don't have plenty of experience being single and alone, I do. So it's not like I haven't tried dang it. My relationships usually fail because they should have never begun in the first place. My ex-wife left because I take care of my parents and they live with me. Not complaining here, just painting a picture for you.
Wait, so you were married and then decided to move your parents into the home you shared with your wife?
Hey, thanks for the response. I'm not afraid of being alone, I just hate it. I've never had many friends because I never really connected with people. I think you and I are different because you really don't have to worry about ever being alone. You're married so you have someone.
Yes, of course we are different. But, as I said, I had some of the same concerns into my 40s.
Have you thought about getting a dog? My mom rescued a dog after my dad passed away and that little ball of fur saved her. Having a dog that you can take out for walks is also a good way to meet new people. A dog will literally always be ecstatic whenever you come home and it will give you unconditional loyalty, which is hard to get from most humans. I'm a cat person but I like little dogs like the one my mom has, and I can see getting one one day in the future.
I don't think negative necessarily, just realistic. I'm not good with people, in general. Never have been. I just don't connect with people easily.
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Well, that's something you're going to need to work on. People aren't going to want to be around someone who doesn't like people. If you don't like people but you don't want to be alone, maybe get a dog. You can meet people at the dog park and training classes, and you have a dog to hang out with.
I do see my family a lot, every day actually. But it's not the answer for me. Work, tv and internet only go so far. I'm an active person and I want to go out and do fun activities with someone else, like hike, bike, travel, just someone to do everything with.
So join a hiking club, a biking club, and attend travel lectures at your local travel bookstore, or recreational equipment store, or wherever travel lectures are given.
I used to feel like you once upon a time. However, I realized no one can make me happy. Only I can make myself happy. I don't connect with people easily either. I have people I associate with and they have formed an attachment to me, but it's rare I feel anything deeper than an "associate" level bond with others. I accepted that is how I'm wired. Finding a partner was a priority for me because others indirectly told me it should be, but I was able to pull myself free from that mindset.
After coming to terms with who I was, everything opened up. I met all of my friends in college and we still talk daily. I'm single and the thought of being alone doesn't bother me. I'm pretty comfortable. It sounds like you have self esteem issues and you sound very insecure. I think you would benefit from finding a therapist. They can help you set up small goals that will help build your confidence and start you on a different path. That quote CapsChick posted hit the nail on the head.
Thanks a lot. It sounds like you're able to relate to me pretty well because we are both not the best at connecting with people. I guess it could be a mindset that I just can't break out of. But, I've been single most of my life, so I've had plenty of time to get used to it and just accept it. But I can't get over how meaningless everything seems without someone else. I'm not into self gratification, so doing things alone just gives me no pleasure at all.
I don't know how to fix this.
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