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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady
Men these days are becoming new fathers well into their 50's.
It might be possible with modern medicine but the question is if it is desirable from a biological standpoint. My understanding is that after 40, the chances of genetic problems in the offspring are much greater.
Plus like I said, two major problems: I am not in a position logistically or financiallly to raise children at this time, and no one has ever liked me back.
I just wonder if I am too old to be a "known sperm donor". Most sperm banks won't take me because of my age, my height (5'7") and my lack of a college degree. But maybe a lesbian couple would be interested.
I'm sry, but a career as a pediatric RN is not a substitute for having your own children or shouldn't be thought of in the way of "caring for children", because it's not emotional...it's professional. Pediatric nurses spend most of their time passing medications, starting IV's or managing a team of aids, LVNs & technicians that will bathe & "care" for kids but it would seem to be a really sad thing if someone who wanted kids went into pediatric nursing.. for that. Providing "comfort" when it's needed...is not based in an emotional attachment...or a desire to give birth.
If someone wants kids, then plan or have kids...or maybe babysit relative's kids that an emotional bond can form. Filling up emotionally from a career that one has a professional relationship with kids....like pediatric nursing....seems a little scary & unbalanced. I'm an RN...was never drawn to pediatrics, but it doesn't relate to whether I will someday have a baby or not..Lol.
I meant that if I ever had a desire to care for children, I probably would have gone into a career where you care for children. The fact that I didn't seems to indicate that it didn't interest me. Sure, if they were my own I would feel more emotionally attached. But preschool teachers probably love their students, or they should. I don't know about nurses.
You only get one life to live, don’t waste it being someone else’s servant. That’s just sad. There’s too much to accomplish and too much fun to be had to change poopy diapers and endure soccer practice and balet lessons and piano recitals. No thanks!
It sounds to me you are a ‘servant’ to your endless rants and stories which speak to other people’s choices and lives (rather than your own). That’s what is sad. The deeper question is - why?
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 05-02-2019 at 12:22 PM..
That’s not what I said. Go back and read what I wrote - I said it’s fantastic if you want kids, but it’s pathetic if that’s the measurement for your success. That’s setting the bar unbelievably low. It is not an acceptable life achievement, no, because it’s not an accomplishment at all. Every single species can reproduce, it’s not difficult or impressive. Do you actually expect parents to tell you they’re miserable? Trust me, they DO say it, but you have to listen. You’ll hear it constantly. Just not in those words. Just the other day my fiancé had lunch with her mom and her mom’s friend and the lady is talking about what a monster her 3 year old is and when my fiancé asked what she does for fun, she said nothing since she’s had 2 kids. They don’t have time for hobbies.
It’s not a matter of judging their choice, it’s a matter of understanding how you could possibly make a pros and cons list and come up with anything resembling a compelling argument. The list of cons is practically endless: having to choose where to live by school district, having to wake up early to deal with kids, poor quality sleep (factually proven in studies), less marital satisfaction, less life happiness day to day (again, studied), massive financial expenses, more stress, less time for hobbies, etc. The pros are, what, exactly? Your kid isn’t going to “take care of you” when you’re older, this isn’t Japan, if your kid does something remarkable a good question is could you have done the same if you spent your time and resources better? Companionship? Make friends your own age. It’s just another knuckleheaded societal expectation that goes completely unexamined by most people which is obvious by the fact if they did any actual analysis, they’d be hard pressed to find any good reason to have kids.
Nah. Good parenting IS a measure of success. People aren't talking abut "reproducing as a measure of success;" being able to reproduce is a matter of chance. When people talk about their families within the context of personal accomplishments, they're speaking of building strong, healthy familial relationships, successfully imparting values to their children, raising and teaching their children to be (kind, capable, productive, compassionate, contributing, pick your poison for what ever values apply) individuals. And, yeah, these things are measures of success as a parent.
Just as excelling at one's job, being singled out for civic awards, running a successful mayoral campaign, completing a half-marathon, having your entire classroom score college-eligible scores on the SAT, mastering a piano sonata, learning to ride a bike, quitting smoking, making rank in the military, etc. are measures of success. They may not be YOUR measures of success, but if you are seriously trying to make a case for any measurement of success being universally applicable to all, you are playing a losing game.
We all set our own individual bars based on what is most important to us. You can share anecdotes about your fiance's mom's friend's brother's sister, or whomever, but it isn't really relevant, beyond being a snapshot of one person's experience. Maybe random lunch acquaintance has "No time for hobbies" because she is only making time for her kids. Personally, I earned a master's degree and switched careers while gestating two fetuses and raising them into toddlerhood. My husband became a senior chief petty officer in the Navy, the second higest enlisted rank possible to earn except by special appointment, during that same time period. We traveled to the U.K., bought a new home, go hiking regularly, get regular massages, built a chicken coop and run from scratch and started raising backyard chickens as a hobby, and perform in a citywide music ensemble. We have an almost two-year old and a three-year old. We also have friends, a fun and loving relationship, careers, interests, and hobbies. None of those things disappeared when we became parents. Our kids just add to our lives. They don't subtract from it. We have fun with them. That'said the whole point. We were 38 and 42 when we decided to become parents. We could easily have chosen not to, and to continue along in our well-established no-kids lives as they were. Wasn't what we wanted, though.
It's pretty clear that you wouldn't find raising children and being on the parent end of the parent-child relationship rewarding, so it makes sense for you to not have children. Just as it makes complete sense for those who do find it rewarding to have children.
Turning it into some kind of zero--sum game where you try to make a universal argument for having kids being a blanket bad decision is just plain weird. It is equally weird to try to make the case that parents who enjoy parenting are secretly miserable and just hiding it from the world.
It sounds to me you are a ‘servant’ to your endless rants and stories which speak to other people’s choices and lives (rather than your own). That’s what is sad.
Agreed.
No need in bashing other people's choices if you are completely content in your own. I understand the animosity that it can create when there are a select few people around you who won't stop shoving their beliefs down your throat. But instead of fighting with the same rhetoric and ignorance, just find new people to hang around. Neither choice is better than the other universally, it all depends on the individual. And that's really all there is to it.
Well gee, aren't you a ray of sunshine. Maybe your parents should have had the same attitude.
Why are you insinuating that he's somehow miserable and bitter just because he CHOOSES not to become a parent? It's not for everyone. You sound like the people in my town whose 'rays of sunshine' are little tyrants and teenage chavs.
Why are you insinuating that he's somehow miserable and bitter just because he CHOOSES not to become a parent? It's not for everyone. You sound like the people in my town whose 'rays of sunshine' are little tyrants and teenage chavs.
He literally just wrote that there are zero pros to having children. I already said I don't have an issue with someone not wanting children, so long as they don't bad-mouth those who choose to have them. I'm just pointing out his negativity.
How would you feel if you liked cute fuzzy kitties and JonLB came over and told you cats are awful, listed out a large list of why cats suck, and then said he sees zero reason why anyone would choose to adopt a cat. Why be so mean? So he doesn't like cats, no need to rain on someone else's parade and discount their decision to care for one. (And for the record, I love fuzzy kitties )
He literally just wrote that there are zero pros to having children. I already said I don't have an issue with someone not wanting children, so long as they don't bad-mouth those who choose to have them. I'm just pointing out his negativity.
How would you feel if you liked cute fuzzy kitties and JonLB came over and told you cats are awful, listed out a large list of why cats suck, and then said he sees zero reason why anyone would choose to adopt a cat. Why be so mean? So he doesn't like cats, no need to rain on someone else's parade and discount their decision to care for one. (And for the record, I love fuzzy kitties )
You wouldn't like my kitties. They're nihilists just like me. Maybe he's fed up with the stigma against childfree and childless people though? There's no stigma against people who don't like cats. As long as they don't hurt them, it doesn't matter. Society also isn't deeming people as losers, weirdos or outcasts for not having cats.
Why are you insinuating that he's somehow miserable and bitter just because he CHOOSES not to become a parent? It's not for everyone. You sound like the people in my town whose 'rays of sunshine' are little tyrants and teenage chavs.
It's not because he chooses not to become a parent. It's because he posted an angry and bitter rant and seems to feel a deep need to validate his choice by proclaiming and rejoicing in the belief that a lifetime of misery and regret awaits those who choose to have children. And disparaging that choice as a wasted life. Many of the folks including me who responded to his post are also childless, so you're barking up the wrong tree here.
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