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But I still don't think it's a stigma. When I lived in a suburb, most of the people had kids. No one treated me like I had 3 heads, I just wasn't part of the community because their activities revolved around the bus stop and kid's stuff. People were nice enough, I just didn't meet friends there because I had little in common with them.
Right, and in the OP's case, she's disappointed because her life trajectory didn't turn out the way she'd hoped it would. It's less a stigma (which is external and enforced by others) than beating herself up over what she feels is a failure in her personal life.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-07-2019 at 03:26 PM..
"What exactly do you mean "you might as well have had 2 heads"? Did people scream and pull their kids close when they saw you, what?"
Sigh!
It's just a way of saying that some people, in some places, regard a childless single person as a real oddity.
Okay, you don't agree there's a stigma.
Next?
And how is this expressed to you, exactly? How do you know they are treating you as an oddity, and how do you know it's because you don't have kids? Again, are people actually telling you they think you're odd?
Right, and in the OP's case, she's disappointed because her life trajectory didn't turn out the way she'd hoped it would. It's less a stigma (which is external) than beating herself up over what she feels is a failure in her personal life.
Yes, it's an internal stigma. Like I said, I've felt that in my life, sometimes for long periods of time. But not because other people made me feel like that, simply because I compared my life to theirs and wondered why it seemed so easy for others and not for me. But that is not a stigma and has nothing to do with other people.
Yes, it's an internal stigma. Like I said, I've felt that in my life, sometimes for long periods of time. But not because other people made me feel like that, simply because I compared my life to theirs and wondered why it seemed so easy for others and not for me. But that is not a stigma and has nothing to do with other people.
I agree with you here. I think there is a stigma, but I also think we make it worse on ourselves by internalizing that there must be something wrong with us. I see happy couples all the time and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. There is a stigma where I live though, and I'm very aware/sensitive to it because this is not the plan I had for my life.
And how is this expressed to you, exactly? How do you know they are treating you as an oddity, and how do you know it's because you don't have kids? Again, are people actually telling you they think you're odd?
As I said ALREADY, in my small southern town where children and grandchildren are the whole point of life and the center of everyone's existence, I've been met with curiosity, puzzlement, and, in some cases, pity.
In other locales, my situation would be the norm or just a "meh."
Again...people's perceptions and reactions don't bother me; I simply realize that, in certain places, there is a stigma attached.
Exactly. When people hear I've never been married, they usually ask, "So then you don't have any children? Or grandchildren???" with either horror or pity in their eyes.
It might be helpful to review the definition at this point in the thread: Stig·ma/ˈstiɡmə/noun 1.a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
Who and where are these people you know who say such things?
I know lots of single people without children, and I have never heard anyone say things like that to them.
Not saying you are making it up. Just wondering if it's regional or if they are family members or what.
Yes, it's regional. I think I've said that...five times now! Family is more important in some places than others.
Lol, I should have read ahead. Was going to delete my post but saw you answered it.
Ocnjgirl lives in the same state as I do, so it is not as common here as in some places.
Still, there are nuances in social norms around the state. I moved from the suburb where I raised my daughter after she graduated from high school because a divorced working mom who commutes to NYC was more of an oddity there than it is where I am now. (Like ocnjgirl, I am near the ocean. Might want to note that. )
I am one of 7 children. My daughter is 27 and has already had tubal ligation. She has never wanted kids and should not have them anyway.
When my mother, 90, learned she had the surgery, she said, "Good. Women who don't want kids should not be expected to have them. She can do other things with her life."
Come on - lol. If the guy is a hermit, is stockpiling weapons, and hasn’t bathed in two months - lol. I agree. But the stigma comes from the lifestyle and appearance - not from being single. If you want to say there is a stigma to mental illness (or people we perceive as being mentally ill), I agree. But stigma to being childless and single? Not so much.
You can bathe and shave every day, never own a gun - not even fly a MAGA American flag on your front porch - if everybody doesn't know every stinking thing about you, you are what they think you are. Read The Scarlet Letter. The society depicted there is back - just the style has changed and "social" is now a way more important word than "decent" ...and as for "MYOB?" Newest four letter word.
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