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Najwa1,
You need to change, yes. But not in the ways you think.
It's time to please yourself.
If you like the guy, show it.
If you don't like the guy, send him packing.
Stop overthinking stuff.
To thine own self be true.
The thing is, you could end up alone no matter what you try.
Even if we find the perfect partner, and have a perfect relationship, they could die before you, and there you are... alone again.
Having a good social circle of friends, family, will help you to feel not so alone.
I agree with getting therapy. Therapy might not take that long, as something might click within you, and you will start to feel better right away.
For immediate help -
In the meanwhile, Google "abandonment issues" and "co-dependency". You can start now to read articles about it. You can also go online and buy books about this (you can start this now, today. Hopefully in addition to therapy).
No one is guaranteed a lifetime with someone. I am just being realistic.
I think writing in a private journal will help you get your feelings out, too. Write everything you're feeling. Write about the kind of partner you would like to have. Write in it every day, even if you have nothing to write. Journaling helps to sort out feelings, anxieties, fears, etc.
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