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Different ways. Some from my faith community, some from meetup groups I used to attend, others through mutual friends, etc. At this point, though, I don't really see the benefit in keeping up with any of them. Truth is, I am never really myself whenever I am with friends; I feel like I always have to put on a show. It's exhausting.
If you feel that way, then they are not your friends; they are acquaintances. As others have said, friends should enrich your life, not make you feel burdened or unable to be yourself. I see no reason for you to continue toxic relationships or one-sided relationships. I do feel, though, that you should be open to making new friends - perhaps just one or two - with whom you can bond to a point where you can completely be yourself and not feel the need to "put on a show" or be on your best behavior. My closest friends have seen me at my best and at my very worst, and everything in between. And we love each other unconditionally, despite our warts.
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Should I part ways with all my friends? I much prefer to be a recluse and live life on my own terms without the distractions and drama that friendships often come with.
I’m happy with myself too. AND I love alone time. But put me on a desert island forever by myself & I would not be happy. IMO most ppl wouldn’t be.
People who are happy with themselves & ppl who don’t have any friends are 2 totally different things IMO. Friendship isn’t about needing ppl or validation….but just sharing company, laughs, tears or thoughts with somebody. Like you’re doing in a forum to connect to ppl. It’s like you’re getting defensive & trying to say there is something wrong with ppl who have friends tho. That’s what signals a red flag IMO. Because thinking of friendship as needing validation is totally different than wanting friends & connections. It’s like an excuse to stay alone.
I’m not saying any of this is you…but in ppl with worsening depression or schizoid personality disorder, they don’t want friendships & interaction. They isolate & are reclusive. Even in NPD, a person only wants a relationship or friendship that feeds their narcissistic supply. Underneath it all they are cold. They don’t care about anybody but themselves. IMO somebody without the ability or desire to care for any friend ….means there is something wrong.
edit:
Ita. But as a RN it’s super important to discuss the mental health side to it. Ofc that doesn’t mean everybody has mental health issues….but a lot of ppl do suffer alone.
While I agree there can be a component of mental health that comes into play and we agree that not all have problems. I always hesitate to go there because clearly we don’t know the entire story. That said you have provided valid points of concern.
Truth is, I am never really myself whenever I am with friends; I feel like I always have to put on a show. It's exhausting.
I am very sympathetic to this. I am an introvert. I am not shy or timid in person, and don't dread "going out". But even when acquaintances or friends are not vapid or shallow or controlling or unkind, even when it's the perfect evening, all I want to do when I get home is go to bed and not do that again for at least a few days.
In the period between my previous wife's death and my current marriage, I did find being totally alone a mixed bag. I was not lonely really, but I was not used to being alone at all times (being alone and being lonely are two different things) and I found that I needed some daily human contact, for all my fantasizing about "peace and quiet". I happened upon a group of guys at the local coffee shop, a fluid group of maybe 10 men where on any given day maybe half of them were there at 7 am for coffee and bagels. Most days I would pop in and chat for 20 minutes and I was good to go for the day.
Extroverts are different. Some of them want a roster of friends to fill up their calendar with constant activities. That is not me. As per above, a short period of time to touch base with the rest of the human race is sufficient.
I am also effectively an only child; while I have older siblings, they are so much older that I did not really grow up with them. Only children tend to learn to amuse themselves and live in their heads, all things being equal.
It may be that you just need to restructure your life to be less social. Be aware that the grass may not be quite as green on the other side of the fence as you think. Or ... on the other hand, it might! Since you state elsewhere that you're not burning bridges, I say, explore this and see how it works for you. At the tend of the day, do what makes you happy, but not necessarily what makes you perfectly comfortable. If you don't need friends to help motivate you to be sufficiently active and remind you to take care of yourself, or to "pull your head out of your posterior", good for you. Some folks do though, and that's fine.
I sometimes wonder about people who need to be with people. What are they lacking within themselves?
It can represent a lack but I would not assume one. It is largely a function of whether your energy flows FROM others (extrovert) or TO others (introvert). If you go to a party and it makes you feel alive, you're primarily extroverted. If the party exhausts you (even though you may enjoy aspects of it) then you're primarily introverted. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
Overall I'm glad I'm an introvert. For example, it certainly made the pandemic something I was much more able to take in stride than a lot of people. In truth, it had only minor impacts on my lifestyle.
about thirty years ago, I ended all my friendship, and it was the best thing i ever did. all they wanted to do was smoke dope, spend your money and free load, well really what happen, I was in an accident and was laid up awhile, not one of them poke their head in and say hey you alright, not one, I guess they hanging with some else smoking dope, and sponging. and yes it was the best thing ever, get rid of the high school better, get on with life, get around others that have a more positive out look. it get quiet but nobody stealing stuff to buy dope
Should I part ways with all my friends? I much prefer to be a recluse and live life on my own terms without the distractions and drama that friendships often come with.
It’s impossible to live life without (any) distraction; but I agree re: finding time/ways to psychologically recharge with less of it i.e. turning off one’s smart phone (at least) a few hours each day and/or disengaging from social media and one’s work. That said, for most, friendship/love/spending time with people we appreciate/care about are ways in which to do just that i.e. being in the moment without interruption. However, it’s a matter of surrounding one’s self with supportive/loyal/positive friends rather than those who are emotionally draining or wrapped in anger/drama, as you mention. Perhaps that’s the problem i.e. a lack of the former.
That said, keep in mind our internal dialogue can be just as noisy/distracting as that which surrounds us (and sometimes considerably more so). If you sincerely want to be a recluse and part ways with (all of) your friends (and live the life you want to lead by doing so), the (obvious) question is - why are you asking?
Does it not indicate you are looking for connection/validation of some sort while simultaneously rejecting such?
Being introverted just means that you derive energy from being alone. Extroverted people derive energy from other people. Those of us who are introverted get way too overstimulated and so a little bit goes a long way.
It is nice to have real friends. People you are on even footing with who are not afraid to tell you the truth. Sometimes you need a real friend that will remind you who you are.
It can be a conflict if you have extroverted friends who you really cannot keep up with. An introverted friend will enjoy the slow pace and low expectation for the amount and number of interactions to keep the friendship afloat. You will not have to fight for your boundaries so much.
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Ita. But as a RN it’s super important to discuss the mental health side to it. Ofc that doesn’t mean everybody has mental health issues….but a lot of ppl do suffer alone.
