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I guess I have a different definition of "friends" and "being social". I'm very social. It's just that I have no friends. I have many social interactions- but I don't seek them out, nor do I need them. Most just happen.
The person sitting next to me at a concert and I have a conversation about the performers. That's social.
The person in front of me at the check-out line at the supermarket and I converse about the rising price of food. That's social.
I post on many forums and have written short conversations with people on the forum. That's social.
But these people are not my friends. A friend is someone with whom you share your otherwise private thoughts. A friend is someone whose presence enhances your life on a continual basis, not a chance encounter.
Not everyone needs other people in their lives. Some do; some don't. There is nothing wrong or pathological about not having friends. Even people who seem "normal" and fit into society can have undiagnosed problems. Even John Wayne Gacy was well-liked. He was active in many social groups and was a Democratic precinct captain in the Chicago suburbs. Wonder what his friends thought of him before and after.
If you need friends and have friends, then you have taken care of your needs. I don't need and so I don't have. Don't waste any time feeling sad. I'm very happy.
Most likely, that you have never met a peer who would satisfy you as a friend.
It happens more often then people think: a lot of people we meet are not that interesting or compatible intellectually and/or emotionally;
as well as their temperaments/interests do not match ours..
Not saying that we must have similar interests, nothing further from the truth.
It is just their interests have to be “interesting” and appreciated by us.
Their moral fiber maybe unacceptable to us as well..
A lot of things have to come into play to make us become true friends. Sometimes life experiences together may come into play to facilitate a friendship- like a childhood friend which did not veer off into a completely separate path
I think acquiring a friend is more difficult than meeting a mate..
It is like a lightning strike.
A lot of people compromise and call other people their “friends”, while they could be just long term somewhat compatible acquaintances..
Agree, that we can survive without true friends, but a faint longing for the complete intimacy of a true friend could still be there and we know what is missing in our lives - but we ok with that.
One can’t get everything in life, but we may try.
Should I part ways with all my friends? I much prefer to be a recluse and live life on my own terms without the distractions and drama that friendships often come with.
I think I reached that point a number of years ago. There was no big cut-off; it just calmly and quietly moved in that direction. Of course, no Fracebook and that junk helps expedite this. Just keep open to potential quality friends that might actually come along. That's just a bonus.
Most likely, that you have never met a peer who would satisfy you as a friend.
It happens more often then people think: a lot of people we meet are not that interesting or compatible intellectually and/or emotionally;
as well as their temperaments/interests do not match ours..
Not saying that we must have similar interests, nothing further from the truth.
It is just their interests have to be “interesting” and appreciated by us.
Their moral fiber maybe unacceptable to us as well..
A lot of things have to come into play to make us become true friends. Sometimes life experiences together may come into play to facilitate a friendship- like a childhood friend which did not veer off into a completely separate path
I think acquiring a friend is more difficult than meeting a mate..
It is like a lightning strike.
A lot of people compromise and call other people their “friends”, while they could be just long term somewhat compatible acquaintances..
Agree, that we can survive without true friends, but a faint longing for the complete intimacy of a true friend could still be there and we know what is missing in our lives - but we ok with that.
One can’t get everything in life, but we may try.
Just recognize that friendships (at least for some of us) aren't the icing of life. They are there and are fine and great but we can't let them rule our lives. I am dealing with trying to set boundaries with some friends right now whose invitations are giving me anxiety because they want this or that, they want me to go here or there, and frankly my job is overwhelming right now and I need some personal down time now socializing. This is where you just back off from them for awhile. I don't want to kick them out the door for good but I want a break from the constant demands.
Should I part ways with all my friends? I much prefer to be a recluse and live life on my own terms without the distractions and drama that friendships often come with.
Who needs friends when you have City-Data?
Seriously though, why would you want to ditch all your friends? Is it because your phone rings? I've become a crotchety old man since I turned 40 and I get really grouchy when the phone rings... which it does constantly. I also get texts, and that makes me mad also. I also don't like it when people call after 7:00, and I hate answering my phone. Haha... but besides all that, I really do appreciate that I have friends. If you have friends... keep them, just set limits if you are feeling overwhelmed.
Different ways. Some from my faith community, some from meetup groups I used to attend, others through mutual friends, etc. At this point, though, I don't really see the benefit in keeping up with any of them. Truth is, I am never really myself whenever I am with friends; I feel like I always have to put on a show. It's exhausting.
Who told you to put on a show? Try being yourself, silent judgy, whatever.
I’d say be choosy more than misanthropic. Everybody needs a friend if it's a good friend. They are rare, so you won't be burdened with too many. Be discriminating op, and you should have plenty of alone time.
I never had acquaintances, usually just a few intense contacts. At some point one or both sides would exit. It’s ok, expected. Seems typical. Nobody expects you to do anything you don't feel like doing. It could be your approach of faking or performing, being all things to all people maybe, putting on a persona, led you to more contacts than you needed.
But if you are saying you aren't going to bother having friends ever, that sounds a tad unhealthy. It’s one thing to not find those compatible people, another to decide all people are too much to ever deal with, kinda like you want to go full Ted Kaczynski, living in a log cabin in the woods. In the case of the latter, some therapy might illuminate why you feel so, and unraveling that a bit. Unfortunately survival demands some contacts with other humans. I learned a few hard lessons about that. I still have a hard time with the concept. I was that person burning bridges. I had good reasons, but there is a shadow side to that extremism. It makes life difficult to be an island, so hopefully you haven't gone that far.
Last edited by Ghobi; 04-18-2022 at 06:33 PM..
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