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Second...he didn't get obnoxious until the restaurant.
This is a noteworthy point. Years ago, a cousin of mine (I'm his mother's age) visited me from out of state on his way to a new job in the Midwest. We went out for dinner. He knocked back several drinks and continued drinking while back home. He became nastily abusive out of nowhere, like a light switch. Because I'd never had any experience with a nasty alcoholic, I was really taken aback. I decided to say nothing, but if he continued the next morning I was going to say something. He was better in the morning but not great. I mentioned to him that I did not appreciate him verbally abusing me the night before. This man is my first cousin's son, so he was child age to me. He was very defensive and I let it drop.
I forgave all that and a few years later I visited him at his home while traveling. By then he was a raging alcoholic and a meth addict. His life was falling apart in a very big way. He stole some things from me and tried to hide them, but I found them, took them back and left without saying a word. It was really stressful. When I first showed up though, he was on good behavior.
People playact until they can't. That's what happened with the guy in question here.
Not that it's all that went wrong here. The single woman who allowed this guy to engage with her is the one who ruined the trip in my opinion. And her cohort who partially went along with it all.
I guess I dont know what a narcissist is. The internet says "a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves". This man sounds pushy, unmindful, rude and I'm guessing he's a little lonely on the inside.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
That's alright. I'm not sure I know what one is either.
And it did occur to me that he might be a little lonely on the inside and didn't get how his behaviors were becoming offensive. Also, ADHD crossed my mind.
He might have and probably does have, some narcissistic traits but it's more likely the bolded. Drunks often don't have a great degree of self-awareness when they're drunk, especially not in a highly charged situation.
IMHO the only 'label' he needs is obnoxious drunk...
Yeah , a narcs goin over board isn't everyone a narc anyway these days, according to internet forums.
But Mod cut. he can drink l'll say that much but eh , he just sounds like an out of tune unaware 1/2 deluded pain in the arse single type, add booze.
Dunno why he wanted the married girls back out there though when he had the other two to party with.
The 400 , he's obviously one of these guys that thinks that means he gets a reward later, tries buying it in other words.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-05-2023 at 08:12 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language; circumventing the filter.
Last week, I went on a 3 day all-girls fun weekend. 2 of us ladies are married, and 2 are single. On Thursday, we decided to go swim in the lake. We ran in to a guy my husband and I have met a couple of times. He has some quirks that I find tiring and tiresome, but was seemingly a nice enough guy.
The other ladies didn't know him. Up to that point, only me, but introductions were made all the way around. Before getting in the water, we put some music on. Not loud...just background music, basically. When we've been in the water maybe 10 minutes, John tells one of the ladies "If you want, we can put it on one of my stations so you don't drain your phone battery." And so we do that. Now, I've been around this guy 3 times now, and I know his M.O. when it comes to music. He likes his station and he likes to play it loud...like concert level loud. I don't really care for it, but it's not bugging the other ladies, so I don't say anything.
We are having a pleasant enough time, but it becomes apparent that there's an 'energy' (for lack of a better word) going on between John and the 2 unmarried ladies. I call it "single energy" as opposed to "married Energy". There's some flirting and mild innapropriateness going on. And drinking. Lots of drinking. Mostly the single people.
After being in the water for 2 or 3 hours, us ladies decide to go to a Mexican Restaurant we had heard about. John pipes up and says "If you'll fly, I'll buy." Well...it seemed like a good idea at the time. LOL
John does indeed buy all our dinners, and 2 pitchers of margaritas. At this point, John is increasingly becoming annoying. He's drank a LOT, and is getting loud, a bit rude, and talking over people. The single ladies keep chit chatting and 'feeding' his ego, but the other lady (who's driving) and myself are getting way over it. After the restaurant, he wanted to stop at a bar to do shots. While at this bar, one of the single ladies (who he's very interested in) walks over to a video poker machine and starts playing. He puts $200 in the machine for her. No one asked him to, he just does this, I guess to impress the lady. He wants us all to continue doing shots, but the lady driving is ready to GO AND MAKES IT CLEAR it's time to go.
So now he's back at our place. The other lady (Kelly) and myself go into the RV. We are DONE for the night. It's only 6:30 - 7:00 PM, but I have a headache, and I'm tired. This kind of loud, rude behavior just wears me out, plus...he's not interested in the rest of us, he's interested in ONE of the ladies.
While we were in the RV, he again turns his music up LOUD. Now...he's gotten on mine and Kelly's nerves, and the music is not helping. Kelly (her lot, her property) she drove, her rules) goes out and tells him to turn the music down if he's going to stick around, and she comes back into the RV. He does indeed, turn the music down.
Maybe a half hour later, he comes into the RV without knocking. He insists that we put our bathing suits back on and go swimming and do some more shots. At first, he doesn't take "NO" for an answer, but I say something about having my pajamas on, and he leaves.
At this point, Kelly is steaming, and she goes out and tells John it's time to say goodnight, and leave. He's arguing with her, telling her she's being a belligerent drunk. Kelly is as sober as a judge. It's 9ish at this point, and she and I haven't had any alcohol since we went into the RV.
At first, he refuses to leave. He keeps bringing up that he spent $400 on us and we aren't being appreciative of that. Not that it matters, I don't think, but dinner was around $120 for all of us. And then there was the $200 for the poker machine, but THAT lady won $150 of that back and gave it to him. And there WERE the shots. But these were all things HE wanted to spend money on.
In all the arguing back and forth, he keeps trying to stress that he's just trying to make friends, and that Kelly is being a belligerent drunk. John and Kelly are arguing round and round. I pipe up and tell John and Kelly that I've called security. And I tell John "This is Kelly's property. If she tells you to leave, you leave, rather you think she's right or not." And then I tell him again, that I've called security. I'm hoping that me telling him that is the splash of cold water he needs to leave. It works, and he leaves.
By the time that John leaves, the OTHER single lady has gone to bed, so it's just him and the lady he's interested in still up and about. She tells us later that she told him several times she was tired, and he should go. I do know that at one point the two of them went for a night ride. She SAYS she insisted he bring her back, seeing as she had no idea where they were, etc. It was dumb of her to go off with him, but he brought her back, and she was safe.
SOOOO
After the 4 of us talked about it later, some of us (not me really) decided he was a narcissist in the classic case. I'm not really clear on the definition or diagnosis of narcissism...so I withold judgement on THAT. HOWEVER, I had picked up on a wee bit of 'weirdness' a couple of weeks ago, when my husband and I had met him the first time, and then again the second time we met and hung out with him. Maybe it was narcissism...I don't know. But I AM thinking he's an alcoholic. In ALL the interactions I've had with him, he drinks a LOT, gets loud, talks over people, etc.
SOOOO, did I give enough information to form an opinion here? Does he sound like a narcissist? Something else besides an alcoholic?
Why does it matter if the reason he is obnoxious is because he is a narcissist?
Alcoholics (IMO) can behave poorly drunk or sober because they often have poor impulse control and lack empathy…
I think it's time to close this thread. It's been cleaned up a bit, deleting some inappropriate posts.
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