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Old 08-26-2019, 09:16 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,053 posts, read 3,473,690 times
Reputation: 17914

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Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
I am sorry you lost your best friend. You obviously cared very much for him. How old was he?
Thank you. He was 15.
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Old 08-26-2019, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara CA
4,922 posts, read 11,221,300 times
Reputation: 9382
We all grieve differently and there is no wrong or right way. Take as long as you need and do not let anyone tell you how to grieve or that you have grieved long enough. But if you find you can not function then do get help as depression is very real with some during periods of grief.

I have found what helps me is talking about my dog, telling stories about their life, sharing photos or even just working on a photo project for myself. I usually try to get a new dog before I have to say Good bye but sometimes that does not work out but I do like the thought of a new dog having known an old one. I usually have 2 dogs so during these times I often have 3 then after the dog dies it is back to 2.

I do not allow myself to 2nd guess things as I know I did the best I can for my dogs and that is all any of us can do. I try not to focus on the past but to just keep moving forward. Does not mean I do not miss my dogs or that my heart is not broken or that I did not love them, but rather that I have come to accept death for what it really is and that is a part of life. Birth is a part of life and so is death.

Over the years I have decided if dogs lived as long as I do I would not have known all the wonderful dogs that have walked this journey with me and to me that would be more of a loss then saying good bye to a dog as each has been so very special in it's own way. I feel blessed to have shared life with so many great dogs. I have had people ask me well what do I do after the loss as I can not imagine life without my dog...well the sun comes up the next day and life goes on and you soon find yourself stepping back into it and you hold close those memories you carry in your heart as they are what keeps a dog alive.

I have not posted this in CD yet but Friday I said good bye to one of my dogs and it shattered my heart but I am not dwelling on it as I need to get my other dog through this as she has had him in her life since the day I brought her home 8 yrs ago and she does not know where he is and is depressed. I have gone out of my way to be good to myself this weekend and made a very nice slide slow tribute to my dog and yes doing that brought some tears but it brought more smiles as I looked through all my photos and the memories came rushing back. There will be a new dog in my life next month and I am hoping it will help my other dog find joy again, just sad my dog did not make it long enough to meet the new dog as he would have loved him.

I wish you well and just know you are not alone out there with your grief as I think most people on the dog forum have had to go through this loss before so understand your sorrow an pain.
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Old 08-26-2019, 09:44 PM
 
7,240 posts, read 3,425,438 times
Reputation: 19878
Posted for NBusiness:


Mr. Forest.

Click for bigger view. Adorable.
Attached Thumbnails
I Lost My Best Friend-img_1889.jpg  
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Old 08-26-2019, 09:49 PM
 
14,331 posts, read 15,471,035 times
Reputation: 42624
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Thank you. He was 15.
I'm so sorry. But you gave him a wonderfully long life. You did your job as an owner. 15 years of life, and 11 of them spent being loved by you. It does not get better for a dog.

Dogs are tragedies we embrace and love. We can't help it. We evolved to love them, just as they evolved to love us. It is a bond that is unique in nature (my bond with my cat is very different - we live in the same house, but she has a whole life I know nothing about, lol). Is there another species that we co-evolved with? Not that I'm aware of.

I always tell people to think of it as losing a limb. The bond with a dog is insanely intimate. We expect things of them on an emotional level that we would NEVER EVER put on another human being (unless one's seriously dysfunctional). I don't compare it to the loss of a friend or (god forbid) the loss of a child. It's apples and oranges. The relationships are not comparable, imo.

If you're up for it, read the Wolf In The Parlor. I think it will help you in your grief. It changed how I look at my dogs and in a way it changed how I mourn them.

Hugs. I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-26-2019, 10:05 PM
 
7,240 posts, read 3,425,438 times
Reputation: 19878
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
I'm so sorry. But you gave him a wonderfully long life. You did your job as an owner. 15 years of life, and 11 of them spent being loved by you. It does not get better for a dog.

Dogs are tragedies we embrace and love. We can't help it. We evolved to love them, just as they evolved to love us. It is a bond that is unique in nature (my bond with my cat is very different - we live in the same house, but she has a whole life I know nothing about, lol). Is there another species that we co-evolved with? Not that I'm aware of.

I always tell people to think of it as losing a limb. The bond with a dog is insanely intimate. We expect things of them on an emotional level that we would NEVER EVER put on another human being (unless one's seriously dysfunctional). I don't compare it to the loss of a friend or (god forbid) the loss of a child. It's apples and oranges. The relationships are not comparable, imo.

If you're up for it, read the Wolf In The Parlor. I think it will help you in your grief. It changed how I look at my dogs and in a way it changed how I mourn them.

Hugs. I am sorry for your loss.
Nice. Love this.
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Old 08-26-2019, 10:12 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,053 posts, read 3,473,690 times
Reputation: 17914
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
Posted for NBusiness:


Mr. Forest.

Click for bigger view. Adorable.
Thank you!!!!
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Old 08-26-2019, 10:16 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,053 posts, read 3,473,690 times
Reputation: 17914
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
I'm so sorry. But you gave him a wonderfully long life. You did your job as an owner. 15 years of life, and 11 of them spent being loved by you. It does not get better for a dog.

Dogs are tragedies we embrace and love. We can't help it. We evolved to love them, just as they evolved to love us. It is a bond that is unique in nature (my bond with my cat is very different - we live in the same house, but she has a whole life I know nothing about, lol). Is there another species that we co-evolved with? Not that I'm aware of.

I always tell people to think of it as losing a limb. The bond with a dog is insanely intimate. We expect things of them on an emotional level that we would NEVER EVER put on another human being (unless one's seriously dysfunctional). I don't compare it to the loss of a friend or (god forbid) the loss of a child. It's apples and oranges. The relationships are not comparable, imo.

If you're up for it, read the Wolf In The Parlor. I think it will help you in your grief. It changed how I look at my dogs and in a way it changed how I mourn them.

Hugs. I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you.

So many aspects of our lives were intertwined - our daily habits - eating, walking, relaxing, sleeping . . . so many little rituals.

I taught him sign language.

He was always very enthusiastic, loving, and completely without guile or malice.

He trusted me - I could pick him up and take him anywhere or give him medicine - he knew he could trust me. That blind trust/loyalty is unmatched in my experience with humans.

I feel he alone loved me without much judgment (he did stare at me as I was undressing and I wondered if he thought I was fat - lol).
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Old 08-26-2019, 10:22 PM
 
2,999 posts, read 1,252,342 times
Reputation: 8005
Although we always have 4 dogs Cassie was my heart dog and died 8 months after getting CHF. I actually had to make the decision to let her go because she was having strokes. She was 5lbs but my protector. I was a mess for months despite having 3 others. Then one day I saw a dog online and he helped to heal my heart. I don’t think for one second you failed your baby.
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Old 08-27-2019, 09:37 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,053 posts, read 3,473,690 times
Reputation: 17914
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dashdog View Post
We all grieve differently and there is no wrong or right way. Take as long as you need and do not let anyone tell you how to grieve or that you have grieved long enough. But if you find you can not function then do get help as depression is very real with some during periods of grief.

I have found what helps me is talking about my dog, telling stories about their life, sharing photos or even just working on a photo project for myself. I usually try to get a new dog before I have to say Good bye but sometimes that does not work out but I do like the thought of a new dog having known an old one. I usually have 2 dogs so during these times I often have 3 then after the dog dies it is back to 2.

I do not allow myself to 2nd guess things as I know I did the best I can for my dogs and that is all any of us can do. I try not to focus on the past but to just keep moving forward. Does not mean I do not miss my dogs or that my heart is not broken or that I did not love them, but rather that I have come to accept death for what it really is and that is a part of life. Birth is a part of life and so is death.

Over the years I have decided if dogs lived as long as I do I would not have known all the wonderful dogs that have walked this journey with me and to me that would be more of a loss then saying good bye to a dog as each has been so very special in it's own way. I feel blessed to have shared life with so many great dogs. I have had people ask me well what do I do after the loss as I can not imagine life without my dog...well the sun comes up the next day and life goes on and you soon find yourself stepping back into it and you hold close those memories you carry in your heart as they are what keeps a dog alive.

I have not posted this in CD yet but Friday I said good bye to one of my dogs and it shattered my heart but I am not dwelling on it as I need to get my other dog through this as she has had him in her life since the day I brought her home 8 yrs ago and she does not know where he is and is depressed. I have gone out of my way to be good to myself this weekend and made a very nice slide slow tribute to my dog and yes doing that brought some tears but it brought more smiles as I looked through all my photos and the memories came rushing back. There will be a new dog in my life next month and I am hoping it will help my other dog find joy again, just sad my dog did not make it long enough to meet the new dog as he would have loved him.

I wish you well and just know you are not alone out there with your grief as I think most people on the dog forum have had to go through this loss before so understand your sorrow an pain.
Thank you. Sorry for the recent loss of your dog. It's so hard, but it sounds like you have a system that works for you. Hope your other little one finds comfort.
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Old 08-27-2019, 09:44 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,053 posts, read 3,473,690 times
Reputation: 17914
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
Although we always have 4 dogs Cassie was my heart dog and died 8 months after getting CHF. I actually had to make the decision to let her go because she was having strokes. She was 5lbs but my protector. I was a mess for months despite having 3 others. Then one day I saw a dog online and he helped to heal my heart. I don’t think for one second you failed your baby.
Yesterday I went to the SPCA and the animal shelter. I just wanted to be around dogs.

I am wondering if I will be blessed with another heart dog - I NEED one - my baby was everything to me. Everything.

Part of the mourning is the regret that I didm't know his last day was his last day (and I know, no one does, but I am stuck on this).

The night before he passed, he was staring at me from his little bed and I picked him up and took him to my chair. He gave me the sweetest hugs (nuzzling into my neck), and kisses. I told him I love him - in the morning, he was in distress and it was all just a jumble, rushing around holding him in one hand and brushing my teeth with the other and getting him to the emergency vet.

I held him in my arms like a little baby (he never allowed that for long when he was well) - and just told him he was a good boy and that I loved him, over and over until the procedure was over (which was a little long and stressful). That morning was a blur. I awoke at 7 a.m., and was handed him in a box just before 9 a.m., and he was buried just before 11 a.m., and then I was completely alone.

I have been asking him to visit me in a dream, but so far, he has not appeared.

I feel so lonely and heartbroken.
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