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So, just like the title implies, the wife and I are strongly considering a move to the Cary, Apex, Chapel Hill area of Raleigh. Both of us are born and raised Bostonians. But we are simply fed up with the harsh winters (we just had the snowiest season on record), the ridiculous prices on homes in areas with good schools ($500k+ for a decent, fairly updated 4bed 2 bath 2000-2500sqft home), and quite frankly, we are sick of the people (arrogant, self-centered, standoff-ish, not very friendly, road raging "tough guy" mentalities). Obviously, not all New Englanders are like this (like the wife and I! ) but living here our whole lives, we only have a very small group of friends (that we've known for along time) and people just don't seem too keen on bringing in new people to their "circle". Living here our whole lives, its honestly never felt like "home".
Since we were looking in the Cary-ish area (which we hear is a northern transplant haven) are we simply moving to an area that has the same type of people and mentalities that we are trying to move away from? Do Northerners end up adapting to the "Southern Hospitality" mindset? I would love to hear from transplants as well as natives. Any input would be appreciated!
Some info about us:
-Wife works from home (pharma industry), so salary won't change. I work in clinician credentialing and would be looking for a job in either a hospital/clinic or health insurance/network. Taking a pay cut would not be a huge issue for me (since wifey is the bread winner!)
-In our early 30s, one year old child, so area with young families and good schools are desired.
-An area with open-minded/non judgmental people. I grew up Muslim, my wife grew up Protestant. We are both spiritual, but non-religious. Would like an area where we wouldn't be judged or be the talk of the town because "we didn't go to church on Sunday"
-Our housing budget would be comfortable at the $350-$375K mark.
So, just like the title implies, the wife and I are strongly considering a move to the Cary, Apex, Chapel Hill area of Raleigh. Both of us are born and raised Bostonians. But we are simply fed up with the harsh winters (we just had the snowiest season on record), the ridiculous prices on homes in areas with good schools ($500k+ for a decent, fairly updated 4bed 2 bath 2000-2500sqft home), and quite frankly, we are sick of the people (arrogant, self-centered, standoff-ish, not very friendly, road raging "tough guy" mentalities). Obviously, not all New Englanders are like this (like the wife and I! ) but living here our whole lives, we only have a very small group of friends (that we've known for along time) and people just don't seem too keen on bringing in new people to their "circle". Living here our whole lives, its honestly never felt like "home".
Since we were looking in the Cary-ish area (which we hear is a northern transplant haven) are we simply moving to an area that has the same type of people and mentalities that we are trying to move away from? Do Northerners end up adapting to the "Southern Hospitality" mindset? I would love to hear from transplants as well as natives. Any input would be appreciated!
Some info about us:
-Wife works from home (pharma industry), so salary won't change. I work in clinician credentialing and would be looking for a job in either a hospital/clinic or health insurance/network. Taking a pay cut would not be a huge issue for me (since wifey is the bread winner!)
-In our early 30s, one year old child, so area with young families and good schools are desired.
-An area with open-minded/non judgmental people. I grew up Muslim, my wife grew up Protestant. We are both spiritual, but non-religious. Would like an area where we wouldn't be judged or be the talk of the town because "we didn't go to church on Sunday"
-Our housing budget would be comfortable at the $350-$375K mark.
I think you would like it here! To answer a few of your questions... I do think that transplants, to some extent, adapt to the southern hospitality culture in the Triangle. Of course nothing is perfect, but that has been my experience. I grew up in South Florida where there was definitely a road rage mentality. The norm was not to signal, to cut people off (because you knew they weren't going to let you in) and to generally drive aggressively. I've become the kind of person who waves people in, watches for people needing to merge and then giving them space, leaving an opening at places where people might need to pull onto the road in traffic (gas station, shopping center, etc). If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone! lol!
I think the area is very tolerant. There are certainly some groups (in my personal experience) of very religious people who have a feeling of exclusivity with people who are different than them religiously, but it has not been a problem for me to find people who aren't like that. So I have experienced that kind of culture here, but I would say it's not a problem at all.
I was born and raised in the Boston area (Arlington/Belmont) for 18 years, went down to South Carolina for college and have been in NC a little more than a year for my job.
In my opinion the Carrboro/Chapel Hill area is my favorite part of the Triangle - seems like it would be a great place to raise a family. Good schools, pretty pedestrian/bike friendly and just a nice town/area. Because of UNC, it's pretty liberal compared to other areas of NC. I live in Raleigh and Raleigh/Cary is just a bunch of suburban sprawl which isn't exactly my thing. Having lived pretty close to Boston and biking/taking public transit everywhere, I'm slightly biased.
In terms of religion, I am a Christian so I may have a different viewpoint but religion is rarely brought up in workplace conversations. I just looked it up and 43% of Wake County is affiliated with a religious congregation (below the average of 50% in the US). We're in the Bible Belt so you'll run across what people call "bible-thumping" nuts on street corners preaching about how abortion is evil but other than possibly being invited to church, that's about the extent of it. It bothers some people but for most people, it isn't as bad since there is a lot more diversity here than some other areas of the South.
There are a bunch of transplants here in Raleigh and it's a big city so compared to my 4.5 years at school in rural SC people are less friendly here but it definitely isn't as bad as Boston/New York. There are some people who bring their road rage/arrogant mentalities with them down here but the majority of people are nice and friendly.
The key with any move to a new part of the country really is keeping an open mind. If you come here, wanting the same life that you had in Boston/New England, you're going to be disappointed. Since it's a major urban area, the Triangle really isn't bad at all.
Moving somewhere "to escape somewhere else" is never a good idea--you should move to somewhere because you want to be THERE, not because you want to be "away from somewhere else".
There area tons of Northeastern transplants in the Raleigh metro; among the highest %ages anywhere. If that is your prime motivation, you should pick an area with less of a "everybody's moving there" characteristic, meaning one that's not on every Money and Forbes magazine list of "best places to live".
You definitely should plan a visit and really "see" the area as a resident, not as a tourist, and see whether you can imagine yourself here, before making decisions about moving. You will find lots of Northeasterners here, especially in the Cary/Apex areas. You absolutely should look at places other than Cary is getting AWAY from Northeasterners is your goal; there is a local tongue-in-cheek saying that Cary stands for "Containment Area for Relocated Yankees"
But do bear in mind the somewhat hypocritical notion of "I am a Northeasterner trying to get away from Northeasterners"...
I'm born and raised here in NC and honestly it's rare I encounter someone else from NC in my day to day there are just so many people from other places here.
That being said there isn't a dominant sort of transplant so you don't see a culture of Maryland/ New York/ Boston drivers/attitudes.
I wouldn't be scared of being judged anywhere here.
I would advise for getting a feel for the different communities. If you live an urban type of lifestyle you might not like the endless suburbs of Cary whereas downtown durham as gentrifying rapidly. In fact I would say we are in an era of vitalization in the downtowns (it used to be more about RTP)
Anyway I would just say dont be afraid of southern stereotypes and research all the communities here because they're all different in particular ways.
Do Northerners end up adapting to the "Southern Hospitality" mindset? I would love to hear from transplants as well as natives. Any input would be appreciated!
Keep in mind that "Southern Hospitality" works real good for the folks in the hospitality business, hotels, restaurants and anyplace where you might be spending some cash.
Unlike the Northeast, people here treat you nice before you spend your money. Other then that they are just like people every other place some are genuine and some are not.
Sorry to inform you that there are TONS of relocated New Englanders here - myself included! Full disclosure, we are from RI, I went to school in Boston, both undergrad and grad school. Our neighbors and close friends are from the North Shore and 2 of my co-workers are from MA.
We didn't move here to get away from other New Englanders but were looking for a better climate and a less frenetic lifestyle. Husband and I are very happy with our decision. We've been in NC for 7 years and plan to retire here.
You'll love it here! I have a very similar background to you and my family couldn't be happier here. There are a lot of northerners, but I find that they are quick to adapt to the way of life here, which is calmer, more courteous, and very tolerant. We live in a small neighborhood which is incredibly diverse, both culturally and religiously. We are also non-affiliated and while we've been invited to churches by friends and had door to door evangelists, people have been nothing but welcoming and I never felt judged by anyone for not attending a church. Because there are always so many "new" people to the area, we've found it to be very easy to meet people. You really can't go wrong in this area in terms of choosing a place to live, but I absolutely love Cary. It's the perfect location for exploring the entire Triangle area, and the parks, community events, greenways, etc. make for a really idealistic place to live. We've been here almost 6 years now and hope to never leave.
I think you would like it here! To answer a few of your questions... I do think that transplants, to some extent, adapt to the southern hospitality culture in the Triangle. Of course nothing is perfect, but that has been my experience.
Good luck! Definitely come down for a visit. :-)
Thank you! Definitely encouraging to hear. The family and I are driving to Atlanta this summer to visit family, and plan on staying a night (or two) in the Raleigh area on the drive back. Just to see the area first hand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pbctong
I was born and raised in the Boston area (Arlington/Belmont) for 18 years.
I live in Raleigh and Raleigh/Cary is just a bunch of suburban sprawl which isn't exactly my thing. Having lived pretty close to Boston and biking/taking public transit everywhere, I'm slightly biased.
We're in the Bible Belt so you'll run across what people call "bible-thumping" nuts on street corners preaching about how abortion is evil but other than possibly being invited to church, that's about the extent of it. It bothers some people but for most people, it isn't as bad since there is a lot more diversity here than some other areas of the South.
The key with any move to a new part of the country really is keeping an open mind. If you come here, wanting the same life that you had in Boston/New England, you're going to be disappointed. Since it's a major urban area, the Triangle really isn't bad at all.
Small world! I grew up in nearby Cambridge. Currently living in the 'burbs on the South Shore.
Honestly, since I grew up in the city (started taking the subway on my own at age 11) and lived there for most of my life, I am kind of sick of the hustle and bustle of the city. I wouldn't mind the suburban sprawl (just not too rural like out in the sticks).
The religion aspect of the south really wouldn't bother me at all. It doesn't offend me when someone says "Merry Christmas" or asks me to go to their church. I just wouldn't want my family and child to be judged based on being "the non church going family on the block". The more I hear from people though, Raleigh doesn't seem like that type of area.
The wife and I are homebodies, and Boston is only a 20 minute drive from us. We are kind of over the bar scene phase. Every now and then we go out, but I think we will adapt fine in the 'burbs of Raleigh
Quote:
Originally Posted by Francois
Moving somewhere "to escape somewhere else" is never a good idea--you should move to somewhere because you want to be THERE, not because you want to be "away from somewhere else".
You definitely should plan a visit and really "see" the area as a resident, not as a tourist, and see whether you can imagine yourself here, before making decisions about moving.You absolutely should look at places other than Cary is getting AWAY from Northeasterners is your goal.
But do bear in mind the somewhat hypocritical notion of "I am a Northeasterner trying to get away from Northeasterners"...
The wife and I have always wanted to move to the South. The cost of living, weather, and the overall attitudes of people were major reasons on that decision. The fact that we wouldn't have to deal with "m*******s" would just be a bonus.
We are coming down this summer to explore for sure. And maybe I should have rephrased the title of the thread, because we are not trying to get away from an actual "group of people", It's more the "mentalities" and "general vibe" we are trying to escape. Like I said, not all New Englanders are "m*******s", but the people we encounter on a daily basis (grocery shopping, other parents at daycare, the mall, etc) are just not pleasant people. It's hard to be positive and cheerful when you're surrounded by miserable people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hey_guy
I wouldn't be scared of being judged anywhere here.
Anyway I would just say dont be afraid of southern stereotypes and research all the communities here because they're all different in particular ways.
That's what I'm hoping and looking for. We are the "live, and let live" type of people, and are looking for areas with that same mindset.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ljd1010
Sorry to inform you that there are TONS of relocated New Englanders here - myself included!
We didn't move here to get away from other New Englanders but were looking for a better climate and a less frenetic lifestyle. Husband and I are very happy with our decision. We've been in NC for 7 years and plan to retire here.
We are looking for the same things really, I think we just want reassurance that we will be interacting will friendlier people! You have to admit, we don't have the greatest reputation as being very warm and friendly (which is why the phrase "Northern hospitality" doesn't exist!) I am glad to hear, as New Englanders, that you both are happy with your decision!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilove2bake
You'll love it here! I have a very similar background to you and my family couldn't be happier here. There are a lot of northerners, but I find that they are quick to adapt to the way of life here, which is calmer, more courteous, and very tolerant. We live in a small neighborhood which is incredibly diverse, both culturally and religiously. We are also non-affiliated and while we've been invited to churches by friends and had door to door evangelists, people have been nothing but welcoming and I never felt judged by anyone for not attending a church. Because there are always so many "new" people to the area, we've found it to be very easy to meet people. You really can't go wrong in this area in terms of choosing a place to live, but I absolutely love Cary. It's the perfect location for exploring the entire Triangle area, and the parks, community events, greenways, etc. make for a really idealistic place to live. We've been here almost 6 years now and hope to never leave.
This is exactly what I am envisioning and wanting for my family and I! Thank you for sharing, it gives me hope that this will be the right decision and work out great. Now I just have to be patient during the next 4 months until we drive down there and visit!
Ex-Cantab here (my wife, too.) Some of what you're likely finding is just the steely private nature of New Englanders -- my wife is a NH native and is slow to warm to or open up to others -- but there's a meta-level aggressiveness and pushiness I never liked when living in Mass.
Honestly, if you want to avoid the annoyances of New England -- and I have a good sense what you mean -- looking at Cary or Apex would not be my first choice.
Durham and Raleigh aren't "cities" or "urban cores" in a Lowell/Lawrence/Worcester sense. They really blend urban neighborhoods and commercial districts with very suburban neighborhoods in some cases immediately surrounding them. Yet they have little of the crime or urban decay that you find in NE cities.
Certainly not everyone in Cary/Apex is like this -- but I find a lot of folks who go there looking for "the best" suburb, "the best" schools, "the largest" house they can buy, "the right" subdivision so they can tell their co-workers they live in XYZ subdivision. It's a lot of the same me/us-first mentality that soured me on the Boston area.
I find a lot more authenticity and neighborly behavior in our in-town neighborhood in Durham, and know folks who have gotten the same vibe in historic Raleigh neighborhoods. I would definitely suggest expanding your search beyond the places that are where striving/lifestyle-centered relocators seem to gravitate.
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) but living here our whole lives, we only have a very small group of friends (that we've known for along time) and people just don't seem too keen on bringing in new people to their "circle". Living here our whole lives, its honestly never felt like "home". 
