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And again for the record I have met some very nice people here. It's not like everyone is an ogre. Just that stereotype or not, earned or not, the South does have a rep for its people being a lot friendlier than people from most other areas (esp the Northeast) and I haven't found that to be true at all, whether it's partly or even mostly due to all the transplants or not. Even the street I live on, where I was told how everyone knows everyone and gets together for cookouts/etc.......pure BS (or if they are they sure are secretive about it, underground even).
Just that those thinking of moving here and if that's part of why best not count on it.
Yes. I totally understand where your coming from. I have not found people to be especially nicer here when compared to other places where I have lived. I did not really expect it, even though so many people had told me they heard how nice people were in North Carolina. When I moved from CA to NJ, so many people told me in CA before I got to NJ how rude people were there and I was like.. oh great! It simply was not true. When some people in NJ I met, found out I was originally from CA, I got asked if all people are snobs there, mostly out of joking though, because of the reputation. I think so many areas have reputations for being one way or another, either by rumor or maybe from what these places were like a long time ago, or just based upon many people who had some bad experiences in a place with people. I think it is the same all over as far as people go, some are rude, some nice, some are stuck up, ect and I think that for the people who happen to live in very friendly neighborhoods, maybe they got lucky and it just happened that a whole bunch of extremely friendly people moved in over there and it maybe their friendliness in turn rubbed off on some not so friendly people and in turn everyone became great friends or at least great acquaintances.
Maybe I am a little guilty too of not being so friendly. When I moved out here, I pretty much waited for others to say hello to me first in passing, which I do not do anymore. I say hello to everyone in passing in my building now. I have not made any friends really here. I think a lot of that could be my own doing. I work at home, so I am not in a work place where I can meet others. I communicate via MSN and Yahoo with my co workers and most of them are over seas. I work more than ever now due to the economy and finances.
I found it so much easier to make friends when I was younger and when the kiddo was little. The parents would all gather up and wait for the little ones to get out of school and all start talking to each other, making friends and what not. Now, we just wait at the car pool in our cars. I see so many people around here with dogs, running and walking with them all of the time. Maybe I need a little doggy, but that would **** off the cats.
I have to wonder though what kind of looks I would get if I had knocked on someone's door and baked them a nice cake or pie. Maybe I would have more friends here, depending on how the cake came out.
Seriously though, I do understand where your coming from.
I'd like to chime in. After reading this thread last night, I came to a realization. I have always said there is a lot to say about southern hospitality, but after poundering about it, I think it is more of a "country" hospitality. I live in Hampton Roads Virginia. I wouldn't consider where I live to be real south. We are a melting pot form all the military and transplants here. Overall, I believe over the last 30 years people have become more rude and self centered. Oddly enough, cross any bridge and get out of Hampton Roads and you get into the more rural areas and people are as friendly as can be. I think it is just a different way of life. Slower paced and less uptight.
I'm from upstate NY, not anywhere near NYC and much closer to Canada. I notice virtually no difference between southerners and people here where I live other than everyone there seems to have a relative who is a preacher, some of the food (and the type of fish we catch), and the accent. It has got to be the difference between big city and small.
Everyone here talks to you when out and I have been known to have a half hour conversation with people in stores or when walking who I didn't know merely because they were passing me by. Otherwise I keep to myself. This has been a bit of a problem in NYC when guarded on both sides by my rather muscular tall sons I was requested to stop greeting everyone so as not to get us into trouble, but even there more people than you'd think responded to it although some were surprised.
Of course I may get on well because of ingrained similar values since my ggram was from the deep south or it could just be that people can tell when you value other people. Note -There is probably a much wider divergence of types of Yankees than most southerners expect.
Just a chime in as a NY-er (as in "not the city")....I have a close friend from GA. and she epitomizes everything I think of when speaking of the "southern politeness" : she's gentle speaking, yes, ma'am, yes, sir to all of us, (we're breaking her of that, feel like I should be saluting her ), very polite and sincere, but for all I know, she's rolling her eyes at us brashy NYers...there's just a, I guess you'd call it a politeness level we have all weaned out of our systems up here for whatever reason; I'll blame it on the cold: "talk fast and get to the point, it's freezing out here"....
My MIL lived all over the south right from college and she sounds more like the "say nothing if you have nothing nice to say" type....makes me crazy because you NEVER get her true feelings on anything, just a funny, little smile on her face that says "I will refrain from comment now"..... And her still living in NY sisters will go toe to toe with the toughest person on the block...hmmmmm
Maybe that's the diff: Northerners tell you the straight up deal, love it or leave it; southerners dilly-dally around what they really think so you have to read their actions to decipher to how they truly feel about you
AS the world turns
Last edited by Fallingwater79; 09-12-2009 at 07:41 AM..
Yes. I totally understand where your coming from. I have not found people to be especially nicer here when compared to other places where I have lived. I did not really expect it, even though so many people had told me they heard how nice people were in North Carolina. When I moved from CA to NJ, so many people told me in CA before I got to NJ how rude people were there and I was like.. oh great! It simply was not true. When some people in NJ I met, found out I was originally from CA, I got asked if all people are snobs there, mostly out of joking though, because of the reputation. I think so many areas have reputations for being one way or another, either by rumor or maybe from what these places were like a long time ago, or just based upon many people who had some bad experiences in a place with people. I think it is the same all over as far as people go, some are rude, some nice, some are stuck up, ect and I think that for the people who happen to live in very friendly neighborhoods, maybe they got lucky and it just happened that a whole bunch of extremely friendly people moved in over there and it maybe their friendliness in turn rubbed off on some not so friendly people and in turn everyone became great friends or at least great acquaintances.
Maybe I am a little guilty too of not being so friendly. When I moved out here, I pretty much waited for others to say hello to me first in passing, which I do not do anymore. I say hello to everyone in passing in my building now. I have not made any friends really here. I think a lot of that could be my own doing. I work at home, so I am not in a work place where I can meet others. I communicate via MSN and Yahoo with my co workers and most of them are over seas. I work more than ever now due to the economy and finances.
I found it so much easier to make friends when I was younger and when the kiddo was little. The parents would all gather up and wait for the little ones to get out of school and all start talking to each other, making friends and what not. Now, we just wait at the car pool in our cars. I see so many people around here with dogs, running and walking with them all of the time. Maybe I need a little doggy, but that would **** off the cats.
I have to wonder though what kind of looks I would get if I had knocked on someone's door and baked them a nice cake or pie. Maybe I would have more friends here, depending on how the cake came out.
Seriously though, I do understand where your coming from.
Its all about being proactive, not reactive! We moved to a new house 3 months ago and after being here 2 days, our next door neighbors handed my husband a plate of homemade cookies over the fence to welcome us. I was shocked! The next day I made banana bread to take back on the plate they had the cookies on. This didnt happen in California...EVER!
My point is that I see in the south the same type of lifestyle we have here - Lots of greetings and conversation while out and about, people stopping to help strangers, endless community group activities (church suppers, fundraisers for the ill), historical reinactments, farmers markets, fishing tournaments, and so on.
That is far different than a lifestyle of the latest trendy clothes, chasing the newest ethnic restaurant, the hottest car, or being seen at an art opening. Or, complaining that life isn't like that everywhere.
There are many places in the north that are more similar to places in the south than they are to other places in the north, people included.
PS- Please don't try to break your friend of her good manners. Know you were kidding. We have far too little of that left these days.
PS- Please don't try to break your friend of her good manners. Know you were kidding. We have far too little of that left these days.[/QUOTE]
I don't think we can, she tells us it's too ingrained in her.... but it does feels a little too formal/subordinate at times....yet, it is one of the politely enduring remnants of the old south....IMO
...she epitomizes everything I think of when speaking of the "southern politeness" : she's gentle speaking, yes, ma'am, yes, sir to all of us, (we're breaking her of that,
OMG, I never thought I would see MANNERS as something to "break someone of..."
(and they wonder why we are so skeptical of all the transplants...)
OP, how do children address adults where YOU come from, "Hey, YOU!" ?
OMG, I never thought I would see MANNERS as something to "break someone of..."
(and they wonder why we are so skeptical of all the transplants...)
OP, how do children address adults where YOU come from, "Hey, YOU!" ?
No, silly...it is "hey youz"!
Vicki
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), very polite and sincere, but for all I know, she's rolling her eyes at us brashy NYers...there's just a, I guess you'd call it a politeness level we have all weaned out of our systems up here for whatever reason; I'll blame it on the cold: "talk fast and get to the point, it's freezing out here"....
And her still living in NY sisters will go toe to toe with the toughest person on the block...hmmmmm
