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If you would actually welcome a rejection, you should consider it already done and move on. I mean, why so passive? Why wait around for your prophesy to fulfill itself?
Which is really what all of this is: Self-fulfilling prophesy. Anticipate that things will fall apart and usually they will.
Don't get me wrong. If you're having a string of bad luck, that's one thing. We've all had them. It's okay to take a break from dating.
But if you're sitting there thinking, "I know she's going to dump me, I know she's going to dump me, I know she's going to dump me," it's a sign you weren't ready to begin dating in the first place.
If you would actually welcome a rejection, you should consider it already done and move on. I mean, why so passive? Why wait around for your prophesy to fulfill itself?
Which is really what all of this is: Self-fulfilling prophesy. Anticipate that things will fall apart and usually they will.
Don't get me wrong. If you're having a string of bad luck, that's one thing. We've all had them. It's okay to take a break from dating.
But if you're sitting there thinking, "I know she's going to dump me, I know she's going to dump me, I know she's going to dump me," it's a sign you weren't ready to begin dating in the first place.
I don't do this. I'm very positive and I always think that things are going to work out, they give me reasons to believe things are going well.
But any reasonable person would think that after a week of not returning your phone call that something is wrong. ANYONE would think this. Its not that I realize something is wrong until an amount of time has passed that they don't return my call that I start to realize "ok, is this really happening again?" At that point it doesn't matter what I believe because I never see them again after that point, because if there's any contact after this point it's the rejection. It's been decided already without my attitude or thoughts having any opportunity to affect the situation.
..., I believe in going after what you want in life, but it's been shown to me that dating, a relationship, a wife, a family....they are not part of my destiny.
...
I have not read any of the responses so far, though I suspect they are filled with all kind of suggestions about fate (theres someone out there you just need to find kind of stuff), Criticisms of your strategy (You need to do this... stuff) and/or counsels of patience you are still young.
I will not sugarcoat or give any of that. I will just say the numbers of never married folks have risen tremendously, so it it entirely possible you will not find and marry anyone. So perhaps it is your destiny (though I do not believe in such things, I believe in Statistics).
Being if that is the case, "dating, a relationship, a wife, a family....they are not part of my destiny." Then my suggestion to you is to decide to live in such a way that life is enjoyable. There are many things we will never get in life depending on factors outside our control. You can let the not getting eat you up, make you bitter and destroy, or you can practice a degree of pragmatism. Once you have achieved that level of survival who knows what the Tides will bring?
How many dates are you going out with each of these women before they disappear?
If three or fewer, you're getting too wrapped up, too fast.
And why only one at a time? Heck, when I tried online dating, I never had fewer than three in circulation at a given time. Eggs, basket, etc.
Which brings me to my next point: I don't think online dating is conducive to finding a serious relationship for people under 30 and people who live in major cities, where there are tens of thousands of single people all over the place. For young urbans, a dating site is like a candy store--lots of choices, and after a while people start thinking, "If I can get this one, maybe I can do better. Look at all of the people on here. And there will be a hundred more tomorrow."
Well, you're in your late 20s in a major city. There are women everywhere. Get off the computer and go live. Maybe you'll trip over one.
I don't do this. I'm very positive and I always think that things are going to work out, they give me reasons to believe things are going well.
That's what I've seen, as well. Based on your threads, you seem to have a tendency to over-inflate a woman's interest in you based on a couple of friendly preliminary phone calls or emails. So before you've even met her in person or gone on a date, you're subconsciously already thinking that she's The One. Then when she doesn't feel the same so soon (or perhaps she's put off by you coming on too strong,) you get anxious and discouraged.
I can recall getting so fed up with the dating scene too. I used to get set up all the time and had dates and girlfriends and nothing worked out. I remember getting in the car one night to go on a first date and thinking "Why am I even bothering, just another date that is not going to work out." I went down and met the girl and we ended up talking for 7 hours and then sitting out under the stars listening to Dave Matthews. Oh yeah, I married her too.
That's what I've seen, as well. Based on your threads, you seem to have a tendency to over-inflate a woman's interest in you based on a couple of friendly preliminary phone calls or emails. So before you've even met her in person or gone on a date, you're subconsciously already thinking that she's The One. Then when she doesn't feel the same so soon, you get anxious and discouraged.
this ^^
I think you're taking the relationship too serious while their interest were not as deep as you do...
start the relationship as a friend will be better
don't get rush to make her yours
I'm not hyper. Just because I can write elaborately and quickly on a computer shouldn't give impressions of being hyper, I don't know how you get that.
I don't need drugs. I just see this for what it is. I'm entitled to my view. Not everyone has to have a purpose for a relationship. Many people live fulfilling lives without ever getting married or finding "the one". I can be just as happy without dating. Its just something that isn't fun for me, and it doesn't feel like it's meant for me. Some people just aren't good at dealing with certain things. I don't NEED mental help, my therapist has already told me he doesn't recommend me to keep showing up, but I've hit my deductable for insurance when I had knee surgery, and I like going as I feel better afterwards.
I'm not as screwed up as some of your presume just because I'm deciding to give something up that makes me unhappy. Just because it comes so easy to the rest of you doesn't mean I have a major problem because it's tougher for me to deal with.
Everyone struggles with something. This happens to be one of mine.
Dating is not something that's easy for anyone.
I'd mentioned on another thread that a person is always better off when flaky dates go MIA. Maybe you should just look at dating as a "I'm living life and learning' experience, as opposed to focusing on whether the next girl is "The One." You don't have to be so...how shall I say...uptight?
Hang out, do activities with the next date/girl(s), if they don't show up again, find someone else to "hang out" with. And on it goes till you meet someone that's got what you're looking for...And because you would have what she wants, she will stick around But you probably already knew that.
You'll forget about this one in short time, and wonder why you wasted so much time lamenting about some chick that you barely knew anyway.
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But you probably already knew that.
