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2. It might eff with her head a little. I good woman friend of mine said that eventhough she didn't have plans to call you, it still might feel like a slight rejection to her since you didn't give a reason and might sting her a little bit, since she doesn't know why I did that.
You have some serious issues with women. You really shouldn't date until you figure that out with some good therapy. I don't care what your therapist now says - you are not well-adjusted if the above is how you choose to think.
You have some serious issues with women. You really shouldn't date until you figure that out with some good therapy. I don't care what your therapist now says - you are not well-adjusted if the above is how you choose to think.
C'mon... everybody indulges in some sort of revenge every now and then, or at least entertains the thought of it.
On the original topic: Cdubs, buddy, to tell you the truth, I can certainly relate to you. I still haven't mustered the courage to actively look for trouble myself. Granted, things happened between the time I had sort of decided to do it and now, but that's not the only reason. It seems like the more I read this forum the less inclined I am... At least you're doing something! Perhaps there is some truth to the saying about getting back on the horse because the more time you spend not riding it the more hesitant you get. I guess I can call it a day, but you're young and should acquire your fair share of crap!
C'mon... everybody indulges in some sort of revenge every now and then, or at least entertains the thought of it.
Thinking about revenge and doing something about it are two different things. A mature person would have just let it go, yet he decided to do something because he thought it would hurt her in some way. Someone like that should not be dating.
cdubs have you ever been the rejector as opposed to the rejectee? Perhaps you just need to approach dating (whenever you get back to it) with the idea that the primary goal is to just have a good time.
If they don't like you, do you really want to date them?
I actually have asked. I asked one girl if I had done anything to upset her in anyway and that she could be completely honest and she said she honestly liked hanging out with me but she just didn't feel the connection. The other girl I've asked, one that's done this to me (but it a more respectable way, took some time to think about it then told me over the phone at least) I sorta keep in contact from time to time. This particular girl I had reached out to during one of my "freakouts" and she had these exact words to say in an email to me when I had asked her to be honest about what was wrong with me:
"It is really hard to find a special connection with another person and it is cruel to waste someone's time and allow them to become emotionally invested if it isn't going to go anywhere. Just because you haven't found that special connection yet doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. To be perfectly honest, you were one of the most well adjusted, kindest, and most endearing guys I met on Match.com. "
I can't see anything I've done wrong in past dates. Everything I've felt personally that was a borderline action or words to say I've run by others and they say it's nothing. An example of this would be if I joked around about something very innocent and they didn't laugh at it. Well sure you could say that was a turning off point or something, but if someone doesn't find me funny then that's not really my problem and I can't change my personality. Nothing I've done has been crossing the line or rude or weird. The quote above testifies to this.
As for taking a break. I seriously think I will. I think I'll be happier without it. I decided to leave this girl a last voicemail where I said that I had been wanting to speak to her about something personally, but hadn't had the chance because I figured she was too busy, so I left a voicemail telling her I didn't think it was a good idea to go out anymore and that we should move on. I didn't give reasons, I didn't apologize or anything, I just said it wasn't going to work between us. Now I very well know that this girl 90% had already decided it was over as it had been almost 2 weeks since I last spoke to her, but I did it for two reasons: 1. It'll help me give myself some closure on the subject knowing I told her I did not want anything to do with her anymore, and I felt a lot better afterwards. and 2. It might eff with her head a little. I good woman friend of mine said that eventhough she didn't have plans to call you, it still might feel like a slight rejection to her since you didn't give a reason and might sting her a little bit, since she doesn't know why I did that.
Either way. I think I will stop. I did go on a first date today, I didn't really feel chemistry with the girl eventhough I enjoyed meeting her and talking to her. There's another girl that called me who wants to go out next week, but I think I'm just going to call that off. I really don't want to go through this stuff again, especially not back to back to back like I have. Maybe it's the close timeframe these "rejections" have occurred in that are getting to me. No time in between and they keep piling on before I'm even over the one before.
On the bright side, I didn't get the pain in the stomach or anxiety attack like I did before, so at least I can say it was a step in the right direction.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, this is merely the nature of online dating.
When I was 27, there was no internet dating. Almost ALL relationships began with two people meeting and feeling a spark. The spark would lead to you wanting to get to know each other better, and that discovery process would lead to a relationship.
Dating online is about stats - you log on, you check off height, hair color, location, etc etc and sift through those and contact the ones who catch your eye. The problem with dating based on stats is, the stats of the other person usually have nothing to do with the chemistry which may exist between you. For instance with me, 99 times out of 100 I will bypass a man who is overweight. I've probably passed by people that I'd really be interested in had we met IRL, merely because of his "more to love" designation.
That you have been out with five in a row, none of whom resulted in any chemistry, simply means you are placing high value in the wrong parts of a woman's profile. You need to start assessing women based on something beyond what you are doing now. Maybe you come across a profile, look at a woman and think, "she's not my type." Instead of backing out, you have to read the whole thing and look for something else. Perhaps there are several sentences which really speak to you in someway, or make you laugh.
You have some serious issues with women. You really shouldn't date until you figure that out with some good therapy. I don't care what your therapist now says - you are not well-adjusted if the above is how you choose to think.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, this is merely the nature of online dating.
When I was 27, there was no internet dating. Almost ALL relationships began with two people meeting and feeling a spark. The spark would lead to you wanting to get to know each other better, and that discovery process would lead to a relationship.
Dating online is about stats - you log on, you check off height, hair color, location, etc etc and sift through those and contact the ones who catch your eye. The problem with dating based on stats is, the stats of the other person usually have nothing to do with the chemistry which may exist between you. For instance with me, 99 times out of 100 I will bypass a man who is overweight. I've probably passed by people that I'd really be interested in had we met IRL, merely because of his "more to love" designation.
That you have been out with five in a row, none of whom resulted in any chemistry, simply means you are placing high value in the wrong parts of a woman's profile. You need to start assessing women based on something beyond what you are doing now. Maybe you come across a profile, look at a woman and think, "she's not my type." Instead of backing out, you have to read the whole thing and look for something else. Perhaps there are several sentences which really speak to you in someway, or make you laugh.
Thank you for the perspective. It wasn't 5 in a row, it's been more like 4 out of 15 in the last year. It just seems these 4 were the ones I felt I had chemistry with and then ended abruptly. I try to keep a very open mind as I've realized narrowminded approaches leave you sitting at home. I've met all sorts of types of women, and I'm lucky to say I haven't really had one bad or awkward date yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
So it's OK for you to feel no chemistry with a girl, but if a girl doesn't feel chemistry for you and calls things off that makes her the bad guy
It's one thing if we went out once, and she never called me again and I didn't call her.
But if we went out 3 times, and she had called me a couple times then I would've for sure called her back and told her that I wasn't interested. I don't care the reason why they end it, I'm just caught up on the so-called "standard" that it's ok to just ignore someone you've been out with multiple times. This girl I went on ONE date with I never said to her I would like to go out again. This last girl, at the end of date 3 said she would let me take her out again. She blatantly led me on and lied, and didn't have the respect to at least tell me.
Don't even go there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by swmrbird
cdubs have you ever been the rejector as opposed to the rejectee? Perhaps you just need to approach dating (whenever you get back to it) with the idea that the primary goal is to just have a good time.
If they don't like you, do you really want to date them?
Up until this online dating phase I had never been rejected in a relationship or dating scenario. Up until I started online dating, I always let girls come to me and I dated the ones I liked, and then I was always the one ending it based on various justifiable reasons.
I don't want to date someone who doesn't want to date me. That's not my issue. The issue is someone saying they will out with me again, after 3 really fun dates, then ignoring me. Leaving me hanging. Not knowing what is happening. Not knowing if they'll ever call or if they didn't get my call, or if I did something to **** them off, or if they just had a change of heart. It's the unknown that drives me crazy. At this point I'd even welcome it if she had called and said a bunch of rude and mean things. That would've been less punishment than this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx
Thinking about revenge and doing something about it are two different things. A mature person would have just let it go, yet he decided to do something because he thought it would hurt her in some way. Someone like that should not be dating.
I broke it off over the voicemail for my own CLOSURE. A friend thought I needed to end as this girl wasn't going to give me anything. Eventhough it was just a few dates, it deserved some sort of ending. And I did it to make me feel better, and it worked, I felt a ton better after I told her I wasn't interested in dating her anymore. My friend said on a SIDE NOTE that it would sting her a little, even if she had no intention of calling, she might wonder WHY I ended it, giving her a taste of what she put me through. I highly doubt this even constitutes as "revenge".
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At least you're doing something! Perhaps there is some truth to the saying about getting back on the horse because the more time you spend not riding it the more hesitant you get. I guess I can call it a day, but you're young and should acquire your fair share of crap!
