After good thought, done with online dating (women, love, attractive)
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Those of you who know, I've been online dating for about a year now (my 1 year subscription ends June 30). I've met around 15 women or so, and had some stressful endings with about 4 of them. I've seen a therapist about it, and the most recent "issue" showed me I'm not quite as far along as I hoped to be, but felt I've made improvements.
One of the things we discussed that got me thinking was this statement he made to me: "Dating will always have struggles, but it's the struggle that makes us appreciate the right person even more when we do find them". We also discussed my disgust with the flaky ingore rejection, and "what does it speak to these women who do this?" He basically told me we go through this struggle because finding someone to be happy with is important to me.
After careful thought and consideration, I realized that it is NOT that important to me. Not having other dates lined up, not emailing any other girls the last couple weeks, I feel totally free of the stressful burden of online dating, and let me tell you....I feel so much better. It feels really good to not be thinking about someone else and whether I'll ever talk to them again, what I'm going to do for the next date, what my next move will be, how she'll react, etc. Finding someone to be in a relationship with is NOT worth all this, and I'm sure many of you who have found success will disagree, but I don't think it's worth it for me.
I'm also completely throwing in the towel on online dating. I am considering asking some girls out that I know in person, but online dating is no longer a part of me or my life. I thought about why I was doing online dating and what I was trying to accomplish. Ultimately I joined because I felt like I could narrow down my search to target specific types of girls that I would be interested in based on personality and interests. I have now looked back and realized that I have done everything BUT be specific and narrowing in my options. I've had to broaden them farther than I've liked.
I've looked back at these women and I realize how annoying or btchy they were on some of these dates, and I now understand I would probably not have enjoyed being with them anyway. So why did I like them so early on? I know now that I did it because my response rate on match was SO LOW that if a decent looking girl who had an ounce of personality would respond to me, I felt like she was a VERY GOOD OPTION which was considered a RARE opportunity to go out with. Doesn't matter how you try to explain it, whether it's the huge ratios of men to women, the pickiness of thousands of dudes emailing girls, my looks, my personality, my height, my pictures, WHATEVER, none of the reasons matter except for the fact that my response rate is incredibly low. I sent out 50 thought out, friendly, sincere, but brief emails out and I get maybe 3 back. I've run out of girls to email so I've expanded my search to women I wouldn't like anyway. What's the point of that? That's the opposite of what I set out to do. Honesty and straightforwardness is something I hold very important in someone I date, and clearly that's not what these women have been about.
Pair all that with just the overall better feeling of not being invested in a dating scenario, I just feel really good about getting rid of online dating from my lifestyle. I wanted to thank many of you for the kind words, the slap in the face, and any help you've tried to give me (sorry if I became hostile in some responses), but I appreciate all of it. This feels really good and I don't doubt this is absolutely the right decision for me. Best of luck to all.
Those of you who know, I've been online dating for about a year now (my 1 year subscription ends June 30). I've met around 15 women or so, and had some stressful endings with about 4 of them. I've seen a therapist about it, and the most recent "issue" showed me I'm not quite as far along as I hoped to be, but felt I've made improvements.
One of the things we discussed that got me thinking was this statement he made to me: "Dating will always have struggles, but it's the struggle that makes us appreciate the right person even more when we do find them". We also discussed my disgust with the flaky ingore rejection, and "what does it speak to these women who do this?" He basically told me we go through this struggle because finding someone to be happy with is important to me.
After careful thought and consideration, I realized that it is NOT that important to me. Not having other dates lined up, not emailing any other girls the last couple weeks, I feel totally free of the stressful burden of online dating, and let me tell you....I feel so much better. It feels really good to not be thinking about someone else and whether I'll ever talk to them again, what I'm going to do for the next date, what my next move will be, how she'll react, etc. Finding someone to be in a relationship with is NOT worth all this, and I'm sure many of you who have found success will disagree, but I don't think it's worth it for me.
I'm also completely throwing in the towel on online dating. I am considering asking some girls out that I know in person, but online dating is no longer a part of me or my life. I thought about why I was doing online dating and what I was trying to accomplish. Ultimately I joined because I felt like I could narrow down my search to target specific types of girls that I would be interested in based on personality and interests. I have now looked back and realized that I have done everything BUT be specific and narrowing in my options. I've had to broaden them farther than I've liked.
I've looked back at these women and I realize how annoying or btchy they were on some of these dates, and I now understand I would probably not have enjoyed being with them anyway. So why did I like them so early on? I know now that I did it because my response rate on match was SO LOW that if a decent looking girl who had an ounce of personality would respond to me, I felt like she was a VERY GOOD OPTION which was considered a RARE opportunity to go out with. Doesn't matter how you try to explain it, whether it's the huge ratios of men to women, the pickiness of thousands of dudes emailing girls, my looks, my personality, my height, my pictures, WHATEVER, none of the reasons matter except for the fact that my response rate is incredibly low. I sent out 50 thought out, friendly, sincere, but brief emails out and I get maybe 3 back. I've run out of girls to email so I've expanded my search to women I wouldn't like anyway. What's the point of that? That's the opposite of what I set out to do. Honesty and straightforwardness is something I hold very important in someone I date, and clearly that's not what these women have been about.
Pair all that with just the overall better feeling of not being invested in a dating scenario, I just feel really good about getting rid of online dating from my lifestyle. I wanted to thank many of you for the kind words, the slap in the face, and any help you've tried to give me (sorry if I became hostile in some responses), but I appreciate all of it. This feels really good and I don't doubt this is absolutely the right decision for me. Best of luck to all.
Every online date I ever went on seemed like a job interview, where it was 100% my job to talk and sell myself, like you would for a job. It was basically like "impress me..." and she would sit back.
Those of you who know, I've been online dating for about a year now (my 1 year subscription ends June 30). I've met around 15 women or so, and had some stressful endings with about 4 of them. I've seen a therapist about it, and the most recent "issue" showed me I'm not quite as far along as I hoped to be, but felt I've made improvements.
One of the things we discussed that got me thinking was this statement he made to me: "Dating will always have struggles, but it's the struggle that makes us appreciate the right person even more when we do find them". We also discussed my disgust with the flaky ingore rejection, and "what does it speak to these women who do this?" He basically told me we go through this struggle because finding someone to be happy with is important to me.
After careful thought and consideration, I realized that it is NOT that important to me. Not having other dates lined up, not emailing any other girls the last couple weeks, I feel totally free of the stressful burden of online dating, and let me tell you....I feel so much better. It feels really good to not be thinking about someone else and whether I'll ever talk to them again, what I'm going to do for the next date, what my next move will be, how she'll react, etc. Finding someone to be in a relationship with is NOT worth all this, and I'm sure many of you who have found success will disagree, but I don't think it's worth it for me.
I'm also completely throwing in the towel on online dating. I am considering asking some girls out that I know in person, but online dating is no longer a part of me or my life. I thought about why I was doing online dating and what I was trying to accomplish. Ultimately I joined because I felt like I could narrow down my search to target specific types of girls that I would be interested in based on personality and interests. I have now looked back and realized that I have done everything BUT be specific and narrowing in my options. I've had to broaden them farther than I've liked.
I've looked back at these women and I realize how annoying or btchy they were on some of these dates, and I now understand I would probably not have enjoyed being with them anyway. So why did I like them so early on? I know now that I did it because my response rate on match was SO LOW that if a decent looking girl who had an ounce of personality would respond to me, I felt like she was a VERY GOOD OPTION which was considered a RARE opportunity to go out with. Doesn't matter how you try to explain it, whether it's the huge ratios of men to women, the pickiness of thousands of dudes emailing girls, my looks, my personality, my height, my pictures, WHATEVER, none of the reasons matter except for the fact that my response rate is incredibly low. I sent out 50 thought out, friendly, sincere, but brief emails out and I get maybe 3 back. I've run out of girls to email so I've expanded my search to women I wouldn't like anyway. What's the point of that? That's the opposite of what I set out to do. Honesty and straightforwardness is something I hold very important in someone I date, and clearly that's not what these women have been about.
Pair all that with just the overall better feeling of not being invested in a dating scenario, I just feel really good about getting rid of online dating from my lifestyle. I wanted to thank many of you for the kind words, the slap in the face, and any help you've tried to give me (sorry if I became hostile in some responses), but I appreciate all of it. This feels really good and I don't doubt this is absolutely the right decision for me. Best of luck to all.
@OP, you'll meet someone when you least expect it. Love finds you, not the other way around. Get yourself a fun new hobby where you're able to meet new and interesting people and chances are, you'll meet someone special.
If it happens, it happens, and that's all good. But, if it doesn't, that's all good too. That's how you have to look at things. A healthy mental attitude and good self-esteem are very attractive qualities and people pick up on that, and are drawn to someone as a result.
You don't need to see a therapist to feel good about yourself. Simply make a mental note about all of the positive qualities you have, and then you'll realize you're pretty much like all of us. Everyone has both good and bad qualities. There's no reason to beat yourself up over someone that probably isn't even worth it. Cheer up, life goes on ... and on ... and on ....
Every online date I ever went on seemed like a job interview, where it was 100% my job to talk and sell myself, like you would for a job. It was basically like "impress me..." and she would sit back.
That's what the whole process is like and can't say I am impressed with it. Rather take chances on meeting someone in public.
cdubs3201, I think it's great that you gave online dating a year. A lot of people just give it a month before declaring it a failure. But I do have a question. You said you expanded your search to include women you wouldn't like anyway because you weren't happy with the low response rate. But don't people do that in the offline world too? They form an idea in their head of who they want to meet and when they can't find that person, quite often they start to lower their standards, becoming flexible on things that they weren't flexible on before. My question to you is if you found yourself doing that online, how do you know you won't do that offline as well? Having read your posts on this subject, it seems to me your issues aren't with online dating per se, but dating in general. People lie and mislead online. But they do that in the real world too. Likewise, people ignore you online. But they can do that offline as well. You could meet someone, ask for her number and get it. But then when you call, all you get is her voicemail and no return call. My point is NOT to get you to reconsider online dating. You obviously gave it plenty of time and if it didn't work out, then I certainly wouldn't encourage you to try it again. But I think it's important to distinguish the issues you had with online dating with the issues you have with dating in general. Anyways, hope everything works out for you.
Two thumbs WAY,WAY up for actually getting some HELP and going out to make use of your life!
You go dude. You will find that girl you're looking for
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good for you. that looks like progress to me.
