Still Wondering If My Wife Cheated on me ? (guys, lover, single)
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Yes...the vows were broken....by ONE 1/2 of the relationship. He still values his vows that he HASN'T broken. He has clearly stated he wants to make it work. I don't think he has any doubt about that. He's just trying to move on and get over the lies. We can judge and say he's being a doormat...but is that really up to us? Only he knows how he feels about being commited to his vows.
Someone actually said this OP was being a 'doormat'?
I guess I will never understand how others are so certain they KNOW--what someone else SHOULD do.
“The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.”
-Ben Franklin
“When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds”
-Will Rogers
Someone actually said this OP was being a 'doormat'?
I guess I will never understand how others are so certain they KNOW--what someone else SHOULD do.
“The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.”
-Ben Franklin
“When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds”
-Will Rogers
Exactly. It's so easy to think you know what anyone in this situation SHOULD do. But the reality is, our OP has to do what he feels is right and best for him, not any of us
Exactly. It's so easy to think you know what anyone in this situation SHOULD do. But the reality is, our OP has to do what he feels is right and best for him, not any of us
Honestly, I do my best to accept the limitations of participating in online discussions--everyone has an agenda, everyone has feelings and everyone has a right to express an 'opinion'.
But, over and over again it's the same old same old.
How on earth can any of us 'judge' the success with which either or both parties have kept 'All' of the marriage vows?
Presuming the vows were something like this>>>
Through marriage, GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other’s failures. GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other.
One thing I 'KNOW' about myself is that I am in no position to make such judgments.
I don't. Yes you stick with vows - until the other has broken them, once the vows are broken, they're broken.
Then it becomes about being a door mat. If he stays in the relationship, he has decided that adultery doesn't destroy a marriage, that cheating and breaking the vows don't matter, he'll stick around for more.
Yup.....Here it is... door mat.
Hey.....I think we scared the OP away!
I completely agree with everything you said.....except you have to take the past 28 years into account. Easier to say, she should have left, if they were only married 5 years or so.
Feeling lonely myself in my own marriage, I would never leave. Hard to tell a guy that his job, which is supporting YOU, is interfering with your lonliness. At least in my case it is.
Well, my own sneaking suspicion is that this is not the first time. I, personally, have a hard time imagining someone being faithful for 25 years and then suddenly, boom, there are other men. Maybe there's some kind of midlife crisis going on, but something about all of this tells me this is just the first time he's caught her (yay, technology!), not the first time she's done it.
But, see, this is why they need counseling. Her actions are casting doubt on the entire marriage. He may want to continue, but 5 years or 35 years, a broken vow is a broken vow. Both spouses here need work.
And, heck, my mother filed for divorce after 47 years of marriage, and the divorce was in the courts when she died. We all have our thresholds.
Last edited by Yzette; 06-29-2010 at 11:21 AM..
Reason: I can haz typoz?
I couldn't agree more. You've been a good husband, treated her well and honored her for all of these years, but she decided to throw it in your face and not give a damn about it. There is nothing to be fixed and with her actions she has shown what she thinks about you and your marriage.
Oh for heaven's sake. How sanctimonious and devoid of awareness of the failings of human nature can you get? Her cheating did not occur in a vacuum, and if she were that rotten a woman and he such an upright saint, he'd have noticed it a long time ago. He's not 16 and unlearned in the ways of adult behavior.
Again, I am not one to defend cheating in any way (and heaven knows the regulars here know that), BUT there's another side to this story. Whenever someone, male or female, plays the poor, beleaguered, ever-devoted and now-aggrieved spouse, I always wonder what it is.
I find that when it comes to cheating wives, some of the posters here are incredibly naive. Let me relate to you my experience.
I'm a 33 year old male and probably have slept with about 10 women in my lifetime. However, 9 of them were married and they were all the "goody two shoes"/ good girl type. They weren't fat or ugly or anything like that.
I never used protection when sleeping with any of the married women, ironically the only one I used a condom with was with my ex-gf. I got 5 of them pregnant. 3 of them had the babies, 1 had a miscarriage and 1 had an abortion. None of them told their husbands anything and till this day, they still think that they are the biological fathers of the children.
Was I the stereotypical bad boy? Far from it. I had trouble with girls during high school because I was a good listener and considered boring. The first woman I actually had sex with was a pastor's wife! I was 18 and she was 29. She already had 2 kids and I got her pregnant within a year of starting our affair. Of all the married women I slept with, she was the wildest! We even had sex outdoors once.
My point is, none of these women felt any guilt or remorse and they tried to rationalize and justify their behavior. Even the pastor's wife, someone that you would least expect to do this. We could be having sex the day before and the next day, they could be introducing me to their husbands and kids!
To the OP, it's really up to you to decide what you want to do with your life. But judging, from what you told us, I don't think your wife feels an ounce of guilt or remorse at what she did. She probably is scared to lose a provider now that she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
I find that when it comes to cheating wives, some of the posters here are incredibly naive. Let me relate to you my experience.
I'm a 33 year old male and probably have slept with about 10 women in my lifetime. However, 9 of them were married and they were all the "goody two shoes"/ good girl type. They weren't fat or ugly or anything like that.
I never used protection when sleeping with any of the married women, ironically the only one I used a condom with was with my ex-gf. I got 5 of them pregnant. 3 of them had the babies, 1 had a miscarriage and 1 had an abortion. None of them told their husbands anything and till this day, they still think that they are the biological fathers of the children.
Was I the stereotypical bad boy? Far from it. I had trouble with girls during high school because I was a good listener and considered boring. The first woman I actually had sex with was a pastor's wife! I was 18 and she was 29. She already had 2 kids and I got her pregnant within a year of starting our affair. Of all the married women I slept with, she was the wildest! We even had sex outdoors once.
My point is, none of these women felt any guilt or remorse and they tried to rationalize and justify their behavior. Even the pastor's wife, someone that you would least expect to do this. We could be having sex the day before and the next day, they could be introducing me to their husbands and kids!
To the OP, it's really up to you to decide what you want to do with your life. But judging, from what you told us, I don't think your wife feels an ounce of guilt or remorse at what she did. She probably is scared to lose a provider now that she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
I call BS on this whole post.
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