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And furthermore....He's a good guy but I just don't know if I can deal with the baggage. And some of his health problems..My parents and I all own the condo, so they could rent it out if I upped and left (assuming they found good tenants, that is.) I just don't want to be another woman in today's world who wastes years with the wrong man only to have it end painfully. Life's too short for that. Anyway, I talked to my cousin today on the phone (long distance) who has had two broken engagements, which is definetely not a cakewalk, I'm sure... but is very content just to stay single until the right guy shows up (if "he" ever does, we don't know.) Just thought some moral support would be good.
OK! Very simplistically, take relationship out of the equation and get on with your life! It's not a necessary ingredient!
I just don't want to be another woman in today's world who wastes years with the wrong man only to have it end painfully.
If that's your only concern (but I'm guessing it isn't), perhaps you should remain single. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. People don't come with warranties, manuals, and clean bills of sale...
I've been wondering if there are a lot of women out there close to my age (32) who grapple with the issue of "settling". Well I have been engaged to a nice man since January and things kind of are going down hill. Case in point for the last month or so he hasn't gone to church with me. I am down there every Sunday. We always went to church together. Now I spend more time talking to my friends that I see there..hmm...We tried living together for about a week in June and it just didn't feel "right". The deal is I live in a REAL NICE condo that I want to stay in. It would take an act of God to make me want to move. (If God willed that I move to be with the right guy, so be it, but other than that I am staying put.) I sometimes feel like something "isn't there" That is the best way to put it. Women, is a good man, one who is kind and nice, enough for you or do you need some kind of real deep connection, some joi de vivre or whatever its called in a relationship? I don't hear the biological clock ticking like some women my age do (I'm not looking to have children, in other words) so there probably is no excuse to "settle". I've heard people say that if you have to ask yourself if you're settling...then you probably are. I think my friends are telling me the same thing lol. Thanks for reading....
It sounds like you might be settling. A really good, really practical book on this very issue is:
Is He Mr. Right?
It goes over the 5 aspects of chemistry (sexual attraction is only one of the 5 aspects). Once you know what to look for, you will know much sooner if someone is/isn't right for you and move on quickly, which helps both you and the other person. I highly recommend this book. I think everyone should have to read it before they graduate from high school. I know if it had been around when I was 18, I would have been a lot smarter in my choices and saved myself and others a lot of heartache.
You already know the answer to your question - now what are you going to do about it?
A hint...when you truly love someone you'd live with them in a cave, or wherever you had to live, just to be together. You don't love this guy the way you should.
A peice of advice... Marry the only one you absolutely cannot live without, not any of the ones you think you can live with
This sounds applicable in the OP's case. But for some people, it would be really bad advice. Some people are most strongly attracted to people who are really bad for them.
I suppose. Some of us may not be equipped with the necessary skills...
Yes, that's the core of it. Choosing an appropriate mate is a skill set. A lot of people don't have that set of skills. They often don't get it from their own parents, who were in unhappy marriages or divorced themselves, so they're kind of left to their own devices, which doesn't lead to great results.
That's why I recommended the book I did in a previous post on this thread. I truly wish it had been around 20 years ago!
If you have the feeling that something is missing - it is. You have to listen to your gut and I believe you are trying to which is whay you posted your question here - for support.
Since you do not want children there really is no reason to get married at this point. In the future, if the relationship grows and feels right/complete then consider marriage, but now is not the time from what you have told us.
Best wishes.
Yes, that's the core of it. Choosing an appropriate mate is a skill set. A lot of people don't have that set of skills. They often don't get it from their own parents, who were in unhappy marriages or divorced themselves, so they're kind of left to their own devices, which doesn't lead to great results.
That's why I recommended the book I did in a previous post on this thread. I truly wish it had been around 20 years ago!
I've read plenty of books... None of them can change what I really like. Simply understanding how something works and why it works that way can't make me do it.
OP, do you love this guy? And if you don't, why on earth did you get engaged? If you two couldn't live together for a week, what would happen after you marry?
It's true, you have easily answered your own question, either you just don't see it, or you don't want to see it. I understand you not wanting to move from your home, but that essentially means the condo means more to you than this man. Do yourself and him a favor and stop the charade.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I think if you have to ask yourself then you're probably settling. I used to settle in my 20s and 30s but I won't now. I know what I want and don't feel that sense of urgency to be in a relationship I did in my 20s. It doesn't pay to settle. For one thing, the minute you do, the right one comes along.
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