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I have a slightly different complication. I've known my best girlfriend for 16+ years. She's the initiator, the party planner, the outgoing one, etc, and I am more of a wait-to-be-invited type. Admittedly, I am not very social. I love my alone time and while I love my best friend, I don't count being at a party with 100 other people actually spending quality time together. In fact, I avoid parties like the plague.
Our lives are slowly taking us down different paths. She is married and has two children. After relocating to the same town as her 6 years ago and being single most of the time, she got very used to me being free to jump when she said jump. I was the sole babysitter of her kids and she was reluctant to make new friends. When I got married two years ago, things changed. Now she frequently comments on how I am "unavailable" and "never around." I haven't changed, she just doesn't see my door as always open anymore.
When I have an interest in doing something, I let her know. I told her a few months ago that I was interested in going for a cabin trip during the hot summer (still a few months away at that time). Well, a cabin trip was planned, reservations were made, and other friends (single friends) were invited but I wasn't even informed that she was going until 2 days before she left. I was heartbroken, but can't figure out if it is worth mentioning. I think I'll just wait and bring it up the next time I'm told I'm never around.
My friend seems to like to surround herself with single friends, vs. one who is married and may not be available to her when she wants.
Damn it. If only I wasn't on the east coast I would say like in my case, it's time for you to make new friends...
my experience is that when a friend gets into a serious relationship or a marriage, our friendship suffers. i've lost friends and brothers to their wives, careers, and children; it is what it is.
i don't know how this plays out for these people when it comes to making new friends, though, that is true.
I was not talking about existing friendships changing because of marriage. I specifically addressed the OP's issue of not being able to MAKE friends especially being new to her area. I'm actually very clear in what I mean to say and what I said is what I meant. It takes effort to MAKE new friends and it is irrelevant whether one is single or married. MAKING friends has nothing to do with old friendships changing as a result of a lifestyle change, i.e. getting married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101
We are trying! We are in several couples social groups. But I find that nearly all of the couples are from the area (whereas we moved here from out of state with no ties to the area), have well-established social circles, and are always "crazy busy" doing things. It's a bit intimidating, actually. When we have tried to initiate an outing, they are "booked" for weeks in advance. I feel like they project this air of being so "crazy busy" that they couldn't possibly make room in their schedule for another friend, and it's off-putting to me.
Then that is not the group or groups for you. Move on. Why have you spent all these years dealing with the same groups? If they are too busy for you, you don't want them as friends. Find some folks with similarities. Do you have an issue that makes it difficult to communicate with others, as I do? I am nearly deaf, actually I am late deafened and can only hear when I can also read lips yet I am continually making new friends. Do some freecycling, become a moderator for that group, find a place to donate your time like the hospital, a school, library. I just find it incredible that you haven't made a single friend in all the years you've been living where you are. While I cannot be sure they will all turn out to be real friends or even close friends or simply acqaintances, I am already forging bonds with people in the place where we bought our retirement home. We know no one, bought our house unseen, and won't have but 4 neighbors within a 2 mile radius. It is going to take much effort, but I will find a way to meet people.
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I would say like in my case, it's time for you to make new friends...
