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I myself have experienced the exact same situation you explained. I totally know what you are feeling and going through.
Everything Andreaspercheron said is right.
If you respond it would be like starting everything over again. Just another mind f***. It is your choice if you want to go there again, but just be prepared for a similar situation to happen AGAIN. Do you really want to relive through that again?
In my case, I realized my so called 'friend' wasn't a friend at all. Some people suck!
Finding forgiveness for someone who hurt you is finding forgiveness. It does not necessarily entail inviting them back into your life. Finding forgiveness means that you can accept that they have apologized and admitted blame for something. Sometimes, forgiveness has to take place when you realize the other person is truly sick and unable to realize the hurt they caused. Forgiveness is important for you. Let him know you forgive him and leave it at that. If he reaches out to re-ignite friendship, politely let him know you have moved on.
I had to do exactly what I described about 4 years ago. I dated a guy who was great, but recently divorced and scarred from it. We moved too quickly. I started losing sight of who I was and allowed him to take over everything. Then, one day, he dropped me. What a whirlwind! It took me about two years, but finally one day I just told myself that I forgave him. He never once apologized or admitted wrong-doing. But I still forgave him. I also ignored and continue to ignore his requests for friendship. He is forgiven, but I still don't need him in my life.
This happened to me back in 1987-1988 school year. I just want to call this female Joanna. She wrote me a letter telling me that she wants to date. I said "okay", We started getting together, I had a troubled time growing up, no car, no way to drive to town to meet her. I guess her sister told her to break up with me or something. She broke up and had me in shambles. I was 14 years old. Now I am 37. Anyways, I had trouble dating other females my age. I cannot and will not trust another female again. If I see a distraught female. i walk away.
I have learned from this, She had cheated on me with a dude in school, plus other men. I wanted to forgive her. She denied me. Here we are, 2010. She wrote me an email telling me she agrees with me and that, I came pretty close not to email her back. I know she is troubled, she has two girls living with her, her husband in prison for rape of a child and violence. I know if she ever writes me or wants to get back into my life, I will pull my guards up and deny her.
If a woman hurts a handicapped man and walks away laughing about it. deserves nothing but ignoring from me. I will never let her into my life.
I would forgive him. That would be the end of it. You don't have to be friends anymore, you would be foolish to let him back into your life. But, you can still forgive him. After that, forget him.
I would forgive him. That would be the end of it. You don't have to be friends anymore, you would be foolish to let him back into your life. But, you can still forgive him. After that, forget him.
I agree. Many times people assume that with forgiveness comes a need to reconcile. While that may be true in some cases, OP I don't believe that should be true in yours.
Forgive in your heart and move forward, not back, with your life and your current bf. There is no need to reply to him, IMO.
When it comes right down to it, in the morning, you always have to be able to look in the mirror and live with yourself. Forgiveness is the right thing to do. After that, adios...
Forgiveness is given not for the benefit of the person being forgiven, but for the person who forgives. It is a means to let go of hurt and to move on. So you have forgiven him. There's nothing more to do.
As for accepting him back into your life as a friend, why in the world would you want to?
so i have a dilemma... i had this best guy friend, we were INSEPERABLE, i trusted in him 1000%, how ever he is very immature, in the sense that he would make me cry, we would fight ALL the time, however there was something that would ALWAYS make me go back to him. ALWAYS. He was actually my "first" ... he would throw tantrums, i just put up w so much BS... and we'll that just made things harder, long story short, he moved away bc of his job, we still kept in contact, we would talk on the phone EVERYDAY, and well one day he decided that he wanted to marry some girl he met at a club after knowing her for only a couple of months. I was heartbroken. Not bc I was jelous or anything, but because i knew that THAT was not the type of girl for him. I told him "you cannot turn a ***** into a housewife" but regardless, we ended up getting into a VERY heated back and forth via a social networking site, and he actually put on blast how i had lost my v-card to him on the site, and well i was VERY hurt, bc i only told him that he was dumb for making such a rash decision, so pretty much alot of things that SHOULDN'T have been said, we're said. I was hurt bc basically for some other girl he let our friendship go. I had helped him out SOO much when he was struggling financially and never ONCE did i ever call him out on anything, but the thing is that this happened, about 5 months ago. Since that argument i called him told him all the things that i had bottled inside for two years, and we called it quits on our friendship. ... and well yesterday i logged in to my facebook and i had a message from him. He said that he was sorry, that i had been right in everything that i had told him, that he was sorry that he'd left something so precious and the best thing that had happened to him go, and that he hoped that one day i could forgive him... i am still in kind of a shock bc to me he was dead. it sounds horrible, but i had made myself get used to the fact that i didnt have that friend to talk to at the end of the day anymore, that he was just not here anymore. and the only thing i could think when i read that message was, no. i was put through so much for two years, sooo much, i let him put me though i cannot go back to this... i currently have a great boyfriend, whom i care for deeply and not for an instant would i leave him, but my concern is that i don't know what i should reply to my friend, if i should reply... i just do not know...
i have forgiven him but i just don't know what to say, or if i even want him in my life anymore. i just can't fathom how someone could hurt and do the things he did to me to a "friend" ....
HopelessRomantic08,
I lost my virginity back in the '90s to a woman who 26 years older than me. Literally. Okay, I am not crying about this. I have to take it as a lesson and move on. Oh by the way, when you lose your virginity to a person, it should be something special. Since you lost it to a jerk who did not care about you, You should not dwell on the past. let the past go. I did. You know what, you should take it as being experienced. You got your first hand experience in performing the deed. Now you will have good guys chasing you. Think of this as a lesson taught. Most virgins do not get married for a reason, they want to hold themselves pure for the person to come along.
after I lost mine, I started getting alot of women chasing me. I cannot contain them. It has gotten to the point where I cannot keep them at bay. I have some that are 26 years older and some that are 11 year younger, and some that are almost my age group.
I am thankful that I lost mine, I feel like a man. In instance, I have learned new methods and tricks. I am not ashamed at all. for a Jerk to post on a social site about how he deflowered you, is pure disrespect. He made himself into a donkey without a brain. I know this hurts. Truth has to be known.
You should just cut the losses and move on.
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... he would throw tantrums, i just put up w so much BS... and we'll that just made things harder, long story short, he moved away bc of his job, we still kept in contact, we would talk on the phone EVERYDAY, and well one day he decided that he wanted to marry some girl he met at a club after knowing her for only a couple of months. I was heartbroken. Not bc I was jelous or anything, but because i knew that THAT was not the type of girl for him. I told him "you cannot turn a ***** into a housewife" but regardless, we ended up getting into a VERY heated back and forth via a social networking site, and he actually put on blast how i had lost my v-card to him on the site, and well i was VERY hurt, bc i only told him that he was dumb for making such a rash decision, so pretty much alot of things that SHOULDN'T have been said, we're said. I was hurt bc basically for some other girl he let our friendship go. I had helped him out SOO much when he was struggling financially and never ONCE did i ever call him out on anything, but the thing is that this happened, about 5 months ago. Since that argument i called him told him all the things that i had bottled inside for two years, and we called it quits on our friendship. ... and well yesterday i logged in to my facebook and i had a message from him. He said that he was sorry, that i had been right in everything that i had told him, that he was sorry that he'd left something so precious and the best thing that had happened to him go, and that he hoped that one day i could forgive him... i am still in kind of a shock bc to me he was dead. it sounds horrible, but i had made myself get used to the fact that i didnt have that friend to talk to at the end of the day anymore, that he was just not here anymore. and the only thing i could think when i read that message was, no. i was put through so much for two years, sooo much, i let him put me though i cannot go back to this... i currently have a great boyfriend, whom i care for deeply and not for an instant would i leave him, but my concern is that i don't know what i should reply to my friend, if i should reply... i just do not know... 
