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Sometimes I have to blamed the woman for becoming that way. I don't think a lot of men really asked the wife to stop working, stop hanging out with friends, stop your hobby and stop becoming yourself. That's the reason they married you..your personality and maybe your looks.
However once you (women) becoming married, it's like a switch that automatically turn on for you becoming too dependent. Actually, I think a lot of the men hated it but can't really said anything either without getting into a fight. Ultimately this could be your downfall of your marriage....You basically just push all the responsibilities to your man...No wonder MEN DIE earlier.
I think the issue is ultimately a unhealthy view regarding life. I think too many people fail to live in the moment and rather live in the future, or the past. (I have suffered from doing both at times). In this case its the idea that they can somehow get happiness through someone else.
You can't. You just plain can't.
You can only find happiness within yourself. And you do that by living by God's word. Trust me on this, I have tried things my own way for a very long time and I failed miserably.
So my suggestion to the original poster, and any others that suffer from this, is to simply rededicate your life to God, and then tell your husband/wife that while you deeply love them, you cannot let them stand between you and the Lord. It will be a struggle at first, as change always is, but hopefully they will see the light and become okay with the changed, rededicated you.
I have been married for 7 years and in the whole time my husband and I have not spent 1 night apart. Recently he has had to make an overseas trip to visit an ill relative. I have always considered him to be a very devoted husband/father but since he has been away I feel he has put us on the back burner. He calls every other day instead of every day.....am I expecting too much...or maybe I am expecting he would act as I would if I was away and that would be to call every day.....any comments?
Do we have such low self esteem that we have to cling to someone else's life?
I think this was the case with me. I always had to have a boyfriend, HAD to. When I had one I would make my whole world about them and completely lose myself.
I am a traditional woman, so I would say that there's nothing wrong with that, unless it is like you can not live without him at all, i mean like something happens to him and you can not survive anymore.
It is your choice. To me my relationship (serious one) is a lot more important than friends and etc. I am from Russia and I have seen that situation very often when a married woman stopped or reduced the number of contacts with her friends and her family after she got married, but you know if you feel like you are giving up your hobbies and things like that you GAIN more by being in love and giving your love to someone special, taking care of him and building your family with this person. to me my husband would mean a lot more than my hobby, i wouldn't call this situation giving up my life, it's just what I changed and my priorities have changed but are they supposed to stay the same all your life long?! You live, you have more roles in life and you are changing yourself. Do what you think makes you and the person you love happier..
When I got married I was so in love that I forgot about my friends, didn't worry about keeping my job, my financial future/retirement, I gave up my hobbies for his (even though he didn't ask me to) and I basically became one with him.
I know I'm not the only woman who has done this. I would love to talk with other women who are in the same situation. They have given everything up, to be available to her man, even though he hasn't asked or demanded her to do so. I'm not talking about abuse, I'm talking about your choice to give things up to be with this man.
Why do we do it? Are we depressed? Do we have such low self esteem that we have to cling to someone else's life?
My husband likes that I've given up my life to be with him, but at other times it's obvious that he also resents it. I'd like some feedback on this issue.
I believe that I would qualify. I don't have a problem living this way. I am happy to do it. I have not read the other responses to this thread but I am sure you will catch a lot of flack from folks who do not agree with this particular point of view.
Some things work for some people and some don't. You need to do what is right for you. If you feel that your husband is resentful, then you need to initiate a dialog with him and discuss it.
It seems like you are completely identified with your role, judging by your screen name. If you want to assert your independence to yourself, maybe start by seeing your self as something other than dependent, in terms of your identity.
You can list all of the ROLES you occupy, i.e., wife, mother, friend, daughter, worker, etc. but that has nothing to do with your essence and the PERSON YOU are. If you want to assert your SELFHOOD, maybe start small and start thinking about YOUR VALUES, YOUR OPINIONS, what YOU like to do, etc.
As another poster suggested, try imagining your husband following you around like a puppy dog, hanging on your every word, anticipating your every need? Would you find that annoying and would you perhaps think less of him? I know I would not have much respect for a person who had no identity of their own . . .
How can someone even be in a "relationship" with another "person" who isn't even fully developed - it isn't really a "relationship" because there is nothing to relate to on one side.
It is lopsided.
Two full people are required for a relationship, otherwise it is just a person with a sidekick or an assistant.
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