Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I hate to compact the attractiveness of a person into an arbitrary, subjective number but it's hard to describe otherwise. For instance, I think of myself as a moderately attractive male. And yet, it seems even the moderately attractive females won't give me the time of day. Whereas a moderately attractive female will garner attention from both 1s and 10s and everything in between.
What about your behaviour? Personality? Do you have a stable job? It's not just about physical attractiveness, you know.
In other words, do you think that there's a double standard involved where a woman who's a "5" wouldn't date a guy who is also a "5" but will only date a "6" or up, while a "5" male will have a hard time getting anything above that?
I hate to compact the attractiveness of a person into an arbitrary, subjective number but it's hard to describe otherwise. For instance, I think of myself as a moderately attractive male. And yet, it seems even the moderately attractive females won't give me the time of day. Whereas a moderately attractive female will garner attention from both 1s and 10s and everything in between.
Who knows, maybe I'm a bit jaded so there's a bias in my observations, but does anyone feel the same way? If so, why do you think this double standard exists? Why can an OK-looking woman get a super-attractive guy but an OK guy can't get a super-attractive woman?
One of two things are happening to you. It's either:
A. You aren't as attractive as you think.
B. You are lacking in one or more of the other areas which trump looks to the average female. Maybe you have an inferior personality, maybe you aren't very bright, maybe you are poor, etc
At the end of the day, if moderately attractive females won't give you the time of day, you don't measure up to the level they desire (and can get). Sounds harsh but it is true. I myself had to revise my expectations downward a bit this year, but in doing so my dating life improved exponentially.
Weird, I was at three weddings this summer and at all three weddings, both my wife and I noticed all of these amazingly attractive women with fat, gross, beer-gut nasty guys. So, I have no idea what you are talking about.
I agree. Not that I was at all of those weddings but I think unattractive women are with attractive men about as often as unattractive men are with attractive women.
My brother looks like a bum most of the time. He rarely pays for dates. He's always broke. He's got no direction in life. And yet he dates the hottest girls you've ever seen, often 20 years younger than himself.
What does he have going for him? Charm. He can just look at a hot girl and she starts to melt. Wish I knew how he does it
I agree with this - charm has a major effect on how I pick boys. Being super hot is nice - but what I've come to find out is that the super hot ones are also super dumb. I'd choose a funny, charming, SMART nerd over a super hot idiot any day.
I agree with this - charm has a major effect on how I pick boys. Being super hot is nice - but what I've come to find out is that the super hot ones are also super dumb. I'd choose a funny, charming, SMART nerd over a super hot idiot any day.
I must be charming ... I had several beautiful girlfriends in my life, married the last one ... I always thought they were all out of my league
If a guy has never been married, he's an eligible bachelor.
If a women has never been married, she's an old maid, spinster, damaged or lesbian.[/quote]
Not so much these days. You have MILF/Cougar, all that stuff glorifying older women, saying they can relive their 20s even in their 40s. You have clothing stores like Forever 21..
Men today are players or WoW dorks at the extreme, and most lean toward the wow dork because very few guys have the game that women desire... A small % of guys gets most of the women.
I agree with the other women here who have mentioned "charm" as being a good way for "avarage" looking men to attract women of all ranges of attractiveness.
Charm is very attractive. It can be defined as alluring, pleasing, delightful. Having charm and charisma is the art of presenting yourself in a way that makes us smile and want to engage in conversation, and makes us interested in you. I have told my boyfriend from day one that what won me over was his charm and charisma.
Some guys, regardless of their physical appearance have charm and charisma and it is magnetic to a lot of us.
[quote=le roi;16409472]well, as men, we're not really in a position to dictate what women find attractive.quote]That's the most brilliant thing said on this forum. Of course the reverse is true also--women don't have a lot of control over what men find attractive either, and it seems so unfair at times, but it is what it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
One of two things are happening to you. It's either:
A. You aren't as attractive as you think.
B. You are lacking in one or more of the other areas which trump looks to the average female. Maybe you have an inferior personality, maybe you aren't very bright, maybe you are poor, etc
At the end of the day, if moderately attractive females won't give you the time of day, you don't measure up to the level they desire (and can get). Sounds harsh but it is true. I myself had to revise my expectations downward a bit this year, but in doing so my dating life improved exponentially.
I'd just like to add to this that few of us really know where we fall on the 1-10 scale. I'm pretty sure I'm not a 1 or a 10 or even a 2 or a 9, but beyond that, I'm not really sure and even other people would probably guess different numbers if they met me, so it's not foolproof. Some very handsome men think I'm pretty and some not so handsome men don't find me attractive at all. And as Onglet said, there are other qualities that trump looks, and personality and education are 2 big ones, followed by how you dress. The biggest one of all is that you can't be embarrassing to her in front of her friends and family--she has to imagine you in her life if you want to date her. Of course this is true for men dating women as well.
After you've gotten your looks the best they can be, no, before--work on your personality. Are you fun or a bore? Can you talk about things of interest to most people? Do you have a laugh that makes people cringe? (I have rejected potential dates b/c of an awful laugh). Get an honest friend to help if you're not sure, or just watch people's reactions to your convo or your laugh.
@MissLucky idk. My behavior is normal, and my personality is reserved but amiable. I'm one of those "I'm quiet, but when you get to know me I'm very nice and a good friend" types. For what it's worth, a lot of people think I act much more maturely than my age would suggest. As for a job, no I don't have one, but I'm a full-time student at a university.
@Onglet maybe. I definitely don't look like the crypt keeper or Gary Busey but I'm no George Clooney. And at the risk of sounding like a dick, I'm rather intelligent, so that isn't it either.
How do I dress? Like the average college student my age. I don't dress like a J. Crew model but I don't dress like I grabbed my clothes out of the nearest dumpster. Am I fun? I'm not sure how to measure that... in all honesty I'm not super fun. Again, I'm pretty much a number in a crowd. I go to school, I do coursework, I exercise, and I play the bass. There's nothing particularly out of the ordinary, both good and bad, about me.
As for this charm thing... y'all might be on to something frankly. I've got a friend, in fact he's one of my best friends. He's not super great with women either, but he has slept with more women than I have (although they haven't been very attractive). He makes a lot of morbid jokes and has a pretty dark personality in all honesty (I'd still take a bullet for him though), yet somehow he can get women, albeit not the greatest looking ones.
Sigh.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
but I think unattractive women are with attractive men about as often as unattractive men are with attractive women.
