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Sorry, yeah, I forgot about the comedic value of abuse against men !
Maybe if my entire marriage had been set to the Benny Hill theme tune, I'd have been laughing so hard, I wouldn't have noticed all the abuse !
One day I'll fully understand that women can do whatever they want, and it's "funny", but if we so much as fart during her favourite TV show, they can legally plug us into the ring main, waterboard us, and administer ritual beatings !!!
Then they can call all their friends and have a jolly good giggle !
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
Oh, bobman -- lighten up! Woman-on-man violence is silly-willy FUN, like lollipops and butterflies! Man-on-woman violence is no laughing matter and these gals are just discussing what that evil, awful, depraved, violent son-of-a-bas**** (because there are no bit**es and no mother would ever be responsible for raising such negativity) simply deserves.
Rihanna wanted a Bad Boy with an edge; she just didn't want him to actually be bad or edgy -- you know, kind of like throwing a rock AT someone but not meaning to HIT them.
Don't you understand that? I guess not.
Hmph...
Typical man!
Let me clarify:
I go from Zero to Bit** in 60 seconds on a coffee cup is NOT an invitation to violence or a threat of retribution for displeasing actions, it's just good fun.
I go from Zero to Fist in 60 seconds on a coffee cup... now THAT is just WRONG! For shame!
This past weekend an 18 yr old was beaten to death by other teenagers. Two girls were fighting and in the process hit another man standing nearby. He remarked, 'I won't hit a woman but I will hit the next man that walks by.' He did. Bobby Tillman was 5'6"/124 lbs and well-thought of by others.
4 teens are charged--over 50 people were interviewed by the police. Nobody intervened. A lethal blow/kick to the chest caused a bone to pierce his heart.
HLN followed this story with the news that more federal $$$'s will be spent on a project to help students prone to violence. At this point I don't think programs like this will be effective.
Chivalry killed that boy. If the guy had just smacked the girl who deserved it none of this would have happened. Granted if the girls weren't violent in the first place it wouldn't have happened either.
Not mature? Well that's one of the best way to make a man roll in pain, nothing worst than a shot in the nuts (from what I heard). Ok I'm laughing right now. I can't help it...
Me wonders if I can use this if a pervert were to grab my breasts after making sarcastic comments.... kick him there LOL... ok maybe that would be too extreme but if then again, he was asking for it so why not.....
Ok gonna try to be serious now (though it's hard to)... sometimes revenge seems to be the answer towards teaching the other a lesson and it's the feeling you just want to even the score.
No idea who either of those people were until I just googled them but if Hubby ever beat me up it would be the end of our relationship. No ifs , no maybe, no buts. First I walk out. I have no desire to carry on being a victim. Anyone lays a hand on me they will not do it again. Ever.
Second I will hurt him where it hurts and ensure the bastard ends with nothing. If the law can't do it then other means will have to be used. Anyone who has read the Count of Monte Cristo will understand when I say the name of my literary Hero Edmond Dantes. If it has to take 30 years then so be it. If I can ruin his life financially, socially, mentally then all the better.
I would also ensure that every single detail of his abuse is made so public that only a moron would still sleep with him or start a relationship with him. I would tell his friends, his family, his boss, his colleagues, his neighbours, pretty much anyone .
I am not very good with injustice. It does not agree with me and as unhealthy as it may be until I get revenge I can not truly get peace of mind and move on. To move on I must get closure. To get closure I must be able to feel the perpetrator has got what he deserved. Some people can deal with it by just walking away and letting it pass. I can't.
Some find dignity in being the better person. My dignity requires some form of action. Anything less will make me feel like a passive victim.
Though personally my Father taught me to hit back if someone hits you so unless I was physically floored by a punch I would probably end up kicking him in the groin and going for his eyes. I was once attacked and managed to break the chap's little finger and key him in the eyes as my Father taught me. The Police was really impressed when they picked him up. I was lucky that I saw it coming so not all situations would allow for that.
I suspect in a celebrity a lot of the revenge is done for you by the adverse publicity though of course if the guy is rich there will be cretins lining up to be abused or "saints" thinking they can reform him.
Bullies never deserve a second chance. Life's too short. Hit him where it hurts most physically , socially and financially. It might teach him to think about it twice in the future.
Amd that goes for whether the bully and abuser is a man or a woman. If you are a man and are physically stronger then I suppose you can walk away but if your life feels like it is threatened then by all means hit back. I don't hold with women abusers either.
We all have the right to defend ourselves from physical harm. Male or Female. Men on the whole because of their physique have more choice but to be honest a woman comes at you with a baseball bat I would not blame the man for socking her one.
I abhor physical violence and have never in my life hit someone who had not meant to hurt me. But I will not stand by and be beaten to a pulp either.
Last edited by Mooseketeer; 11-11-2010 at 10:36 AM..
Remember I said in an earlier post about how I hoped some of you never found yourselves in that situation ?
You are missing one big factor in your assumption.
There are a few names for it, but to simplify it, let's call it "survivor guilt".
Trust me, it is often the very last thing on your mind to make sure that other people know about the abuse. In fact, quite the opposite, victims will often go to quite extreme lengths to cover for their abusers.
It does sound strange, and irrational, and it is.
I've learned a lot about DV over the last years, and my g/f now works with victims, having been a survivor herself.
The same patterns are repeated over and over again, and will be until we treat dv, whether against males, or females, ( I have also heard a great many tales of dv among the gay/lesbian/bi community) with the same stigma as many other crimes.
No matter what you think, persistent abuse is a totally different kettle of fish to a one off attack, or a simple stand up fight. It's not the same thing.
And it's definitely not as easy as "I would just walk out", otherwise, why do so many victims stay with their abusers for years, and will return to them time and time again, even after serious assaults ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer
No idea who either of those people were until I just googled them but if Hubby ever beat me up it would be the end of our relationship. No ifs , no maybe, no buts. First I walk out. I have no desire to carry on being a victim. Anyone lays a hand on me they will not do it again. Ever.
Second I will hurt him where it hurts and ensure the bastard ends with nothing. If the law can't do it then other means will have to be used. Anyone who has read the Count of Monte Cristo will understand when I say the name of my literary Hero Edmond Dantes. If it has to take 30 years then so be it. If I can ruin his life financially, socially, mentally then all the better.
I would also ensure that every single detail of his abuse is made so public that only a moron would still sleep with him or start a relationship with him. I would tell his friends, his family, his boss, his colleagues, his neighbours, pretty much anyone .
I am not very good with injustice. It does not agree with me and as unhealthy as it may be until I get revenge I can not truly get peace of mind and move on. To move on I must get closure. To get closure I must be able to feel the perpetrator has got what he deserved. Some people can deal with it by just walking away and letting it pass. I can't.
Some find dignity in being the better person. My dignity requires some form of action. Anything less will make me feel like a passive victim.
Though personally my Father taught me to hit back if someone hits you so unless I was physically floored by a punch I would probably end up kicking him in the groin and going for his eyes. I was once attacked and managed to break the chap's little finger and key him in the eyes as my Father taught me. The Police was really impressed when they picked him up. I was lucky that I saw it coming so not all situations would allow for that.
I suspect in a celebrity a lot of the revenge is done for you by the adverse publicity though of course if the guy is rich there will be cretins lining up to be abused or "saints" thinking they can reform him.
Bullies never deserve a second chance. Life's too short. Hit him where it hurts most physically , socially and financially. It might teach him to think about it twice in the future.
Sorry, yeah, I forgot about the comedic value of abuse against men !
Maybe if my entire marriage had been set to the Benny Hill theme tune, I'd have been laughing so hard, I wouldn't have noticed all the abuse !
One day I'll fully understand that women can do whatever they want, and it's "funny", but if we so much as fart during her favourite TV show, they can legally plug us into the ring main, waterboard us, and administer ritual beatings !!!
Then they can call all their friends and have a jolly good giggle !
You'd be suprised at the number of women actually charged with domestic abuse. I knew a couple where the wife was the abuser and he moved out and took the kids with him and she could only see them with supervised visitation even though she never abused the children. Many abusers of a domestic partner will, in fact, abuse the children too.
According to this ABC News report there has been a startling increase in the number of women who are the perpetrators of domestic violence.
New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics figures show that over the past eight years, the number of women charged with domestic abuse has rocketed by 159 per cent.
Remember I said in an earlier post about how I hoped some of you never found yourselves in that situation ?
You are missing one big factor in your assumption.
There are a few names for it, but to simplify it, let's call it "survivor guilt".
Trust me, it is often the very last thing on your mind to make sure that other people know about the abuse. In fact, quite the opposite, victims will often go to quite extreme lengths to cover for their abusers.
It does sound strange, and irrational, and it is.
I've learned a lot about DV over the last years, and my g/f now works with victims, having been a survivor herself.
The same patterns are repeated over and over again, and will be until we treat dv, whether against males, or females, ( I have also heard a great many tales of dv among the gay/lesbian/bi community) with the same stigma as many other crimes.
No matter what you think, persistent abuse is a totally different kettle of fish to a one off attack, or a simple stand up fight. It's not the same thing.
And it's definitely not as easy as "I would just walk out", otherwise, why do so many victims stay with their abusers for years, and will return to them time and time again, even after serious assaults ?
I know about abuse victims quite a bit too as I used to volunteer for "The Samaritans " helpline and a woman's shelter. And of course a one off slap is not the same as abuse over a long period of time for the victim. The abuse hasn't had a chance to really change oyu as a person yet. But it will. Nobody who is a nice guy hits someone unprovoked. Period. It shows you a certain trait and should be a serious warning signal to stay away. ALL abuses started with one hit. Then another, and another and another.... Violence is addictive for violent people.
Most abuse victims in my experience are repeating the pattern of abuse from an earlier experience ( whether a previous relationship, parental abuse or even habitual bullying at school).
Self esteem is gradually eroded to such a level that many victims end up feeling as though they almost deserve the abuse and also end up locked in a cycle of broken promises which they want to believe because they are so socially isolated as well as terrified. The same goes for many rape victims too.
All I can say is how I would react. A boyfriend of mine once hit me and I was out of the door quicker than you could say "good-bye". I had until then been rather fond of him. That slap was enough to convince me that the guy was not worth it. And the first thing I did was tell everyone he knew that he liked to hit women.
My Father instilled into me an incredibly developed sense of fairness and I basically cannot put up with anyone who treats me badly.
Hitting someone once and hitting someone every day, every week etc.. is not that different in the sense that it shows a complete lack of control in terms of anger, shows contempt for the victim and is utterly despicable. What is different is how the victim responds. There has to be a first time for every single case of habitual abuse.
People who start fights whether with their spouses or in a bar both have serious issues.
Women especially need to be empowered to feel they can talk about it and take control of their lives. Bullies succeed because they demean and render the victim incapable psychologically of fighting back , whether physically or psychologically. We must bring out the abuse into the public domain and bring the shame onto the perpetrators and allow the victims to have a support system which genuinely allows them to escape the cycle.
The same applies with rape where women feel they are ashamed of what happened to them , almost blaming themselves for it.
In many ways it is even worse with women on men abuse and male rape as men are brought up to believe that their masculinity is soiled and demeaned if they succumb to abuse. Male rape is something we should be discussing a lot more so the issue is no longer one of shame and self blame.
I love my husband utterly conditionally . I could never stay with someone who even so much as slapped me. I would personally walk away because I can. It is who I am . I am not judging women who do not as I realise they will not have the same coping mechanism I have because of their life's experiences or simple terror of the abuser. It is even worse for women with children who fear they must put up with anything rather than risk either losing their children or something being done to them. Abuse is all about control.
I maintain that anyone who hits someone else unprovoked is an abuser. Even if it is a fisrt offence there will be another one. I am sure very, very occasionally someone just snaps on a one off basis but mostly no I believe it is a kink in someone's personality, whether a control issue or anger management issue.
I really feel for the victims of abuse but in most cases sadly only they can truly deal with the abuser as hard and mentally challenging as that might be. Many abusers seem to be outwardly charming , well adjusted people ( again from personal experience with victims of abuse) and unless the victim her/himself finds the strength to leave and invite the world in there is little the law can do.
I find it appalling for example that in many countries the police can or will only intervene if the victim accuses the perpetrator even though sometimes they will have evidence from witnesses of the abuse. I also find it shocking that bullying is really not seen as such an issue but simply a rite of passage.
Many people go through life from parental abuse , to school bullying then to spousal abuse simply because none of us could step in and do something about it. Until something changes in our society sadly the onus still lies with the victim.
Believe me I am not belittling abuse victims. I am simply stated what I would personally do. I only know too well how some victims are so crushed in spirit that walking away is not possible.
Anyone hits me , they will not do it again unless they make sure I never get up again.
According to this ABC News report there has been a startling increase in the number of women who are the perpetrators of domestic violence.
New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics figures show that over the past eight years, the number of women charged with domestic abuse has rocketed by 159 per cent.
No idea who either of those people were until I just googled them but if Hubby ever beat me up it would be the end of our relationship. No ifs , no maybe, no buts. First I walk out. I have no desire to carry on being a victim. Anyone lays a hand on me they will not do it again. Ever.
Second I will hurt him where it hurts and ensure the bastard ends with nothing. If the law can't do it then other means will have to be used. Anyone who has read the Count of Monte Cristo will understand when I say the name of my literary Hero Edmond Dantes. If it has to take 30 years then so be it. If I can ruin his life financially, socially, mentally then all the better.
I would also ensure that every single detail of his abuse is made so public that only a moron would still sleep with him or start a relationship with him. I would tell his friends, his family, his boss, his colleagues, his neighbours, pretty much anyone .
I am not very good with injustice. It does not agree with me and as unhealthy as it may be until I get revenge I can not truly get peace of mind and move on. To move on I must get closure. To get closure I must be able to feel the perpetrator has got what he deserved. Some people can deal with it by just walking away and letting it pass. I can't.
Some find dignity in being the better person. My dignity requires some form of action. Anything less will make me feel like a passive victim.
Though personally my Father taught me to hit back if someone hits you so unless I was physically floored by a punch I would probably end up kicking him in the groin and going for his eyes. I was once attacked and managed to break the chap's little finger and key him in the eyes as my Father taught me. The Police was really impressed when they picked him up. I was lucky that I saw it coming so not all situations would allow for that.
I suspect in a celebrity a lot of the revenge is done for you by the adverse publicity though of course if the guy is rich there will be cretins lining up to be abused or "saints" thinking they can reform him.
Bullies never deserve a second chance. Life's too short. Hit him where it hurts most physically , socially and financially. It might teach him to think about it twice in the future.
Amd that goes for whether the bully and abuser is a man or a woman. If you are a man and are physically stronger then I suppose you can walk away but if your life feels like it is threatened then by all means hit back. I don't hold with women abusers either.
We all have the right to defend ourselves from physical harm. Male or Female. Men on the whole because of their physique have more choice but to be honest a woman comes at you with a baseball bat I would not blame the man for socking her one.
I abhor physical violence and have never in my life hit someone who had not meant to hurt me. But I will not stand by and be beaten to a pulp either.
I think bullying is part of life. People should be taught to fight back, since it won't go away.
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