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Your mother or your wife?
The family you've always had or your spouse?
DNA means nothing. Relationships decide this. But assuming all things are equal, my mother would tell me to choose to my wife and she is my chosen family.
During my brief marriage (less then ten years), my hubs and I surely didn't put ourselves as priorities. We enjoyed our relationship and welcomed our parents. They were much more loving towards our kids when we didn't play shut the in laws out game. Our door was open for family.
I don't ascribe to being someone's priority . I do though take the vows of matrimony seriously.
I've witnessed the marriages where one whips the other into the ' I'm more important then xyz '. Actually ...your not if you have to be that way.
I have a sort of opposite situation, as a friend of a separated couple (around 6 years together). She left him and they're both bitter with each other. But she wants to continue having a relationship with one of his kids from a previous marriage, though is not much interested in his other child. He of course doesn't want her seeing his teenager at all behind his back, but she is seeing the kid.
Being a friend of both, I'm sympathetic to both. But in this case, I think she needs to lay off. This is a fresh split so there's time to pick up the relationship later when hot boundaries have cooled, or for now keep it at a distance with occasional notes maybe. The teenager is loved, there's no fragility or feelings of abandonment and he knows how hurt his father would be to find out about this. He loves his dad and he's hiding these visits from the ex-girlfriend.
Your mother or your wife?
The family you've always had or your spouse?
Your post reads S.) not wife
Anyhow your wife is your other half, your immediate family member. She comes first.
But never in the case she is trying hinder you spending time with your mom
Your mother or your wife?
The family you've always had or your spouse?
Under normal circumstances? Your wife.
But, in truth, under normal circumstances neither would ask you to choose. If someone does, then that's likely the person from whom you distance yourself.
Holding all things equal, where it is a binary decision (no sitting the fence) - and knowing nothing else, I'd say wife.
I chose my wife. I didn't choose my mother. That doesn't mean her raising me and bringing me into this world doesn't matter. Of course it does. But, as a parent myself, raising my kids is a labor but I love them, even when they drive me crazy. My goal is to make them into people better than myself. It does not equate to unconditional love on their part.
I am my mother's child - she's not given unconditional love by me. Of course, I love my mom, but I didn't choose her to spend my life with. I chose my wife.
Why would anyone ever be asked to choose one over the other?
It's not actually uncommon in numerous family dynamics. It's either explicitly requested or implicitly assumed. Some families/partners never have a dynamic where anybody is in a position where making that choice comes up. Many do.
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