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There is a premise out there that all marriages can be saved, and that all marriages are worth saving.
If you google most topics regarding marriage, whether it is incompatibility, financial woes, or infidelity, this idea comes out universally.
The only reasons marriage should not be saved, according to the prevelant cultural bias is if there is physical/sexual abuse, drugs, incarceration. Things of that nature.
But what if the person married the wrong person, for whatever reason. Due to family pressures, lack of understanding themselves (therefore not being able to really be authentic with their partner).
There seems to be nothing out there that asks that question and assumes that if you married someone that all the components that are supposed to be in a relationship were there at some point in time.
What if they weren't? Should a marriage that was wrong from the beginning be saved, even after the couple has tried and still can't come to a place that makes them both happy? What if there are kids?
If you have kids, and feel you simply married the wrong person, you need to suck it up and cope with the poor choice you made. You have a commitment to the entire family, not just your spouse. I know that our society today dictates that ones personally happiness is he most important thing, but this viewpoint is dead wrong.
I do not buy into the concept that marriage has to last forever, nor do I accept staying married 'for the children' is particularly good for either the parents or the kids.
If someone is in an unhappy relationship and they have children I think it is important to try to fix the marriage and I am not advocating walking away without making an effort, however if someone is unhappy and there is no hope, why stay.
Some marriages are beyond fixing due to all kinds of reasons, there is no shame in admitting defeat as long as the childrens needs are being addressed and the adults can maintain a civil friendship.
If you have kids, and feel you simply married the wrong person, you need to suck it up and cope with the poor choice you made. You have a commitment to the entire family, not just your spouse. I know that our society today dictates that ones personally happiness is he most important thing, but this viewpoint is dead wrong.
As a child of divorced parents I can say this is not accurate for everyone's situation. I used to pray like hell my parents would get a divorce. So, staying together for the sake of the kids - it's insulting to the kids comprehension.
Later my mother came to me and we had a talk and she said something about staying married for us kids and I told her, "Stay here all you want to - but don't do it on my account, because I'm out of here." Then moved out.
As a child of divorced parents I can say this is not accurate for everyone's situation. I used to pray like hell my parents would get a divorce. So, staying together for the sake of the kids - it's insulting to the kids comprehension.
Later my mother came to me and we had a talk and she said something about staying married for us kids and I told her, "Stay here all you want to - but don't do it on my account, because I'm out of here." Then moved out.
I am a child of divorced too, so it looks like we have differing opinions.
most of the time children are far worse off after divorce, financially and emotionally. Children raised by single mothers, the usual outcome of divorce, have FAR more problems than those raised by a traditional family. It isn't a popular thing to say, but it's the truth.
Divorce is hard on everyone, parents, kids, family, friends. The damage to the kids is done when parents cannot parent effectively and fight constantly in front of their children. This can be done both in a marriage or a divorce.
If parents can separate and co-parent nicely, kids are far less likely to be irrevocably harmed by their parents not living together.
the only reasons marriage should not be saved, according to the prevelant cultural bias is if there is physical/sexual abuse, drugs, incarceration. Things of that nature.
My thoughts are that rarely do people marry the wrong person. They may decide later that THEY want to be different but the truth is that unless someone forced you into it you and your spouse were the right person at the time.
If you have kids, and feel you simply married the wrong person, you need to suck it up and cope with the poor choice you made. You have a commitment to the entire family, not just your spouse. I know that our society today dictates that ones personally happiness is he most important thing, but this viewpoint is dead wrong.
I disagree. Kids aren't stupid. In fact, they are very astute. Unhappy spouses can only hide so much from their kids, no matter how hard they "suck it up".
Additionally, when all you are doing is "sucking it up" the stress and strain will eventually catch up with you. People in this situation are at great risk for illness and diseases that kill slowly over a long period of time.
People who "stay married for the kids" aren't doing them any favors because they just grow up to repeat their parents poor choices in mates.
My thoughts are that rarely do people marry the wrong person. They may decide later that THEY want to be different but the truth is that unless someone forced you into it you and your spouse were the right person at the time.
I think this is very true. People's tastes and desires change, and in today's ME ME ME society self-sabotage occurs in order to get oneself an excuse to get out. Next thing you know, it's "We need to get a divorce for the sake of the children; it does them no good to see unhappy us as parents." That argument is selfishness, plain and simple.
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