Where is the love? (girlfriend, how to, girl, single)
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Great advice, Ms V------I tried to rep but I have to spread it around first.
Camping would be a great way to spend their first night in the House of Chimes.......... I'm glad to hear that he's staying out of the way. Of course, it's typical of abusers to avoid situations in which they cannot abuse- he's obviously smart enough not to do so in front of her brothers.
I just hope he stays away from that house for a while.
Fantastic advice MsV. I'm glad that you are there for her. NO MORE NIGHTS AT THAT OPPRESSIVE HOUSE! Camping out is fun and the kids will just LOVE IT. Maybe a few candles around to make it look like real camping. I would dig that myself in a BIG way.
You're a gem MsV! And as Pixie Dust said, I must spread some reputation around...
Well... I have gone through the caregiving and loss of both my parents and grandmother at a young age, as well as raising my kids. I felt like I was on my own during this time. Not long after my mother passed on 12-24-00 my health declined. I got in a very bad way. During this time...I felt as though the Lord 'carried' me. I could not do it all alone. My marriage has never been perfect, I don't think I have ever been acceptant of it. I have prayed that it would get better, that he would change and treat us better, until I finally prayed so much that I turned it over to Him.
Until recently, about a month ago, my health has still been in decline. Migraines everyday, Rheumatoid Arthritis. All I can take to work 40 hours and make it home everyday to collapse.
All of a sudden like a tap on the shoulder. Its time to take back your life. Look around yourself. I don't want you unhappy.
Everytime my dh pulled the jeckyl/hyde it was all so clear. I said things to him. We went away one weekend w the kids to look at some things in another state in re to moving and he treated us like the dirt under his feet. No different than any other time. But it was so clear. We were in a restaraunt. He pushed us, all three. He spoke down to us. The people around us just looked at us, they looked at me. the kids came to tears. JUST GO SIT DOWN he yelled. We did. Mommy, why is daddy so mean to us? My son asked me. I said to him I don't know, but he will never be that way again, never again will you feel like you are nothing more than the dirt beneath his feet for him to walk on, and I have kept that promise.
It was a couple of weeks before that that my eyes were opened to all of this...how could they have been shut, I know. I started getting physically and mentally well. No more migraines, no more RA flares. no more Chest pains. My husband attributes his stress and treating us the way he does to m y Epilepsy. Yes, I have that too.
I have been eating right, no more meat, junk food, unhealthy snacks, only a half a cup of coffee, water the rest of the day, and walking 2-4 miles everyday, even the weekends.
I am becoming strong for myself and the kids.
No longer am I idle. When you pray, you never know how that prayer will be answered, nor in what time. I think it was answered in a wake up call, if you will. I don't think counseling will, and i am not trying to be negative. He has only told her his poor pityful me side. I will tell her the rest. This is what happened 5 years ago, and I won't let it happen again. I wont go along for the ride and let it be ok. I am 33, and I watched my mother in an unhappy life, because I think she thought she had to be. I know that I don't have to be, and I know that I took a vow before God.
I also know that He does not want any of His children to be unhappy.
Robyn
sounds rough. you can remove yourself and the kids from this situation but
being alone is no trip to disneyland either.
the other part about being alone is you now cannt blame stuff on somebody else. its all about you. statistically, women are worse off 5 years after divorce and guys are better off.
there is however, that certain rush you get after you kick him out, its like quiting a job. feels great. later when you dont get the pay check its not as much fun.
i am so glad the church is getting involved. when i got divorced i got read the disclaimer by the same folks that told me marriage is the only way to go.
wow.
hang in there. remember the kids got to grow up sometime. obligation ends at 18. (many californians dont believe this and have 40 year old son at home sponging off mom and pop). but anyway, per the law, your journey is over at 18. then take care of yourself and stop being so loyal.
stephen s
san diego
4pm EST
Robyn just called overcome with emotion. Her brothers and sister have just left and they hugged her, telling her they loved her, and that they want to have Thanksgiving at Robyn's this year. She said I can't afford it, and they said, don't worry, we're bringing all the food!
Earlier today, Robyn shared she was broke after paying the rent, and she was dreading asking her sibs for $. Well, she didn't, they left and she was going around checking out the refrig/freezer to see that it was cooling down, when she found $ in the refrigerator from her sibs. AIN'T FAMILIES GRAND!! She called me overcome with their love & generosity.
We discussed the "campout" that they are going to have tonight. I clarified that she should not rely on TJ any longer, he could make it look bad for her and good for him that he allowed them to stay there another nite...and if it comes up thru the kids that they "camped out", she should say she planned to do it for the fun of it! (What an idiot to have us worried about such trivial things!)
She and the kids are making one last trip back to the house right now to get the last of the linens and some odds and ends ~ I BEGGED her to take the frozen chicken from TJ's freezer ~~ she laughed and said that her sister said to do the exact same thing! (At least we are all thinking on the same wave length!")
I told Robyn that I will call her tonight at the "campsite", after the day is done.
THANK GOD for her brother and sister! That's great news MsV. Thanks for the report! You are an Angel. Robyn, you truly are blessed, and loved by many. Have a great weekend my friend!
8:30pmEST
Robyn called for the last time tonite. She and the kids have borrowed sleeping bags from a friend and have their "campsite" all set up. The kids were running around having a ball, following the cats throughout the house as the cats explored their new home. She had just returned from another pick up at TJ's - still has to go back one more time tomorrow morning. She said she's asking her friend to watch the kids while she goes. TJ is at his sister's for the nite (awfully decent of him to get out of the way for the day ~ amazing what having your brothers with you will do). Robyn is to call him tomorrow morning when she leaves with the last of the things.
Robyn says she is exhausted, but thrilled to be out on her own, in her own home. She said they had big sandwiches for lunch, and no one was hungry for dinner, so they were each going to have a brownie before bedtime, then lights out for the "sleep in".
She also has to get the beds & couch tomorrow ~ not sure how she's going to do this without her family's help and no truck, but she's praying that her friends & their husbands will help her.
I asked her to call me from the car when she leaves TJ's tomorrow for the last time...just want to be sure that he doesn't bother her at the last minute, knowing that her family went home.
I'll post after I speak with her tomorrow.
aiangel, I didn't get an email from you,but my pm capabilities have been restored since yesterday. Many thanks for all your supportive posts for Robyn.
She is counting on all of us at this time. I read the posts to her today, and she was warmed by everyone's words.
This is such good news. I bet she sleeps better in those sleeping bags than she has slept in a long time, considering she was on the couch for so long. This is so good, a great way to bond children, her and home like a christening. I am so happy you posted all the phone calls you rec'd from her.
Ms. V, thanks for the great updates! I hope a way to move that furniture is found. Although I'm far away, I have a friend who runs a U-Haul rental facility here- if nothing else works out by tuesday I'll be glad to try to rent her a truck here for pickup in Virginia if necessary. Let Robyn know this and send me a PM if that's needed. (I know the local shop here is closed today and tomorrow so I can't do anything until Tuesday).
If Robyn is anything like me, she'll need someone else to drive that truck though. LOL
Ms. V, thanks for the great updates! I hope a way to move that furniture is found. Although I'm far away, I have a friend who runs a U-Haul rental facility here- if nothing else works out by tuesday I'll be glad to try to rent her a truck here for pickup in Virginia if necessary. Let Robyn know this and send me a PM if that's needed. (I know the local shop here is closed today and tomorrow so I can't do anything until Tuesday).
If Robyn is anything like me, she'll need someone else to drive that truck though. LOL
YOU are a Saint! And I was finally able to rep ya! I'm looking forward to hearing the latest from you MsV. I'll feel much better when Robyn gets the last of her stuff out of there.
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