Where is the love? (wife, how to, women, children)
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Isn't that great to think of little things you can do with a house. I love windchimes, my daughter is always buying them for me. You get to make choices. You get to do what YOU want to do. It is such a great feeling. You will find things to fill that house up. OH I did kind of like the roommate suggestion. I don't know about up there, but down here the wages suck and I couldn't afford that rent. So there are many options. Wow options, choices, new words for Robyn!!!!
Hi windchimes...glad you chimed in... I love windchimes, but I am not allowed to have them.
I guess it is the unknown factor. I have never been to this place in my life, and it is scary. I know that once I get going, it will be like a whole new adventure, a new chapter in my book.
I am so sorry you had to be in such a relationship, for such a long time. I hate that for anyone. For some reason, Jim doesn't seem that his verbal abuse amounts to anything, and doesn't unuderstand that it is toxic and poisoning. I thought it may go physical the other day. My friend that i have posted about is scared for me, because it is what happened to her...in the end.
She is the tough love, I guess because she has been there.
She says look Rob..I know you're afraid, I was. I still am, 6 years later. Is he going to bring the kids back? I mean I know he is, and he's a good parent, but I am still afraid.
So, you have a decision to make. Are you going to try and touogh it out and stay there, let it get worse, and have him take it to the next level, or get out, its up to you babe.
it all made sense, I know it did. Scary. His stupid words echoing through my mind.
Fifteen minutes later we were riding down the road to go look at that house. She just hugged me. I was like a child there. A shy child, I hardly had words, she was my voice today. She asked everything I was thinking.
It was unbelievable, today. She looked at me watch her, and just hugged me. Hugs are nice....
I seemed to have so much strength and energy lately, until things got worse around here, until he changed his mind on everything. Its like now, I tire. I am drained.
Thank you for throwing your voice out today, i do appreciate it.
Hi again Robyn - Jim sounds like my ex - to him, verbal abuse wasn't abuse, it was simply voicing his opinion, no matter how degrading, demeaning it was. I think it's that way with a lot of people (both male and female) who verbally abuse others - they don't realize how their words hurt.
When you took control of "you" away from Jim - he had (and still has) no idea how to react to you now - he's "lost" - as others here have said - have someone help you when you do move to the new place, do not be alone - since he has no idea how to "control" you now, you want to be safe and that means with others around.
I have a feeling you will enjoy your new life immensely...since you like windchimes and are not "allowed" to have them - buy yourself some as soon as you move as a gift to yourself - every time you hear them, it will be a reminder to you of how far you've come and how you have grown and will grow in the future without having "Mr. Limitations" calling (or trying to call) the shots in your life.
I hope you have pleasant dreams of living in your new home and being free!
and fill it up with furniture and stuff as God and money allow ! That said, your new church should be a great resource for getting some items you need for little or no money. I'm sure there are many church members who would be willing to give you items to help you and your children out .
I also have a great site (Freecycle.org) for people who have things to give away for free. This is the link for the group in your area Robyn. hamptonvafreecycle : HamptonVa Freecycle™ Group. I have used Freecycle (local to my area) in the past, mostly to give things away, but I also got a book from someone that would have cost me $30 at the store. Freecycle allows people to post items to give away, as well as allowing people to post items that they are looking for (for FREE :-0). Sign up is easy and painfree (lol).
There is also a FREE section on Craigslist, but I would be more careful of CL than even Freecycle, because more and more shady characters are using it (JMHO though). Last night on the local news, some lady went to get a FREE iPod a sexual predator had posted on CL, but fortunately she noticed something wasn't quite right and called the police before anything happened to her. Now why anyone would fall for a FREE iPod, being left in a bathroom, at a park, is way beyond my comprehension .
Salvation Army, Goodwill and other Thrift Stores are also potential sources for furniture, so hopefully you have them in your area as a back-up resource .
Best wishes to you Robyn! This home sounds so much greater than where you are now . Just need to get your finances in order so you can pay all the bills each month and then a judge won't have a reason to not allow the children to stay with you. I sure hope the landlord will allow another family, just in case though.
Robyn, just a thought here, and I might be barking up the wrong tree entirely.
You talk about being bone tired lately. Honey, we can all understand this. You are losing something that has been dear and near to your heart for years. You went into a marriage full of love and plans to spend the rest of your life with this person. You devoted your life to him and to these children. You trusted this person with your life, and you knew deep down that when the tough times came, he would be right there for you, letting you lean on him and see you through. This was your dream as it is many of ours.
Yet, now reality has been right the opposite of what your expectations and dreams were. ( Now, I am not preaching, we all have these dreams and expectations when we marry, they are the right thing to have, and we should have them). But you are having to face the fact that J. did not hold up his end of the bargan and not only that, he took the trust you gave him and abused not only it, but you. Where he was supposed to help you when you were sick, he belittled you and twisted it around trying to make it your fault. Where he could have nurtured the relationship you and he had, he twisted that as well and made it a control issue, especially after the children came along.
Not allowed to have windchimes??????? Oh honey, I know you are tired and sad because for you, this relationship has died and you are in mourning, not for the sham it was, but for the dreams you had. Take the time to mourn, it is ok, it should happen so you can put it behind you and move on.
Once you get into your new home, you will be tired as well, but after the season of mourning has passed, it will be a pleasant and proud tired. You can take to your couch, sipping iced tea and look at all the accomplishments you have made to your new home, all the while, listening to the uplifting sweet chimes as the wind strokes them. You are in the process of building new dreams, and building a new life for you and your children. These new memories will replace the older ones, and you will find, as you already have, life can be happy and you can enjoy things. You have come a heck of a long way lady, so rest when you can and let the season of mourning pass.
You are a new and different person. J's words don't have the power over you they once did, that makes him strike out more vicious. You are stronger than ever and just have to believe in yourself that you can overcome any of his hateful lies, because now you know that they are lies.
You are doing fine, dear Robyn. You are moving ahead at the pace God is directing you at. Relax just a tiny bit and get some rest tonight. Godspeed hon..aiangel
Robyn, your new house sounds wonderful! Your new life is going to be so good and so sweet. Keep you eyes on the prize and don't lose your resolve. You are doing the right thing. We are behind you cheering you on!
Robyn, I hope you are able to just remain calm, detached, and matter-of-fact whenever you have to interact with him now. And Oh, I know! from my own experience that this is sometimes the hardest thing to do!
He is very adept, a master at saying things to provoke a reaction and then he does the innocent 'who, me' act. Right? I know this personality type very well.
Just be cautious. We all care very much about you and hope to see you get out to the safe place of beginning to untangle your life from his.
I've just read all the posts, and all I can say is that CD won't let me pm anyone for a while, + they keep telling me I have to spread the rep pts around before giving you guys any ~ great ideas, great support!
Rather than repeat all the good advice that goes before me Robyn, I'll just say that HDL's right on the mark when she suggested that you consider a roommate in the future, if expenses are getting tight...it might be the most painless way to have extra money in your life...
Right on with Aiangel_writer's description of how life everafter can be ~ yes, as your (great) friend warned you, times can be tough ~ but then you go home to your own place, filled with the warmth and love of your children.
Rest easy Robyn, you are becoming more comfortable with your strength now ~ you deserve to be happy. Hugs wrapped around you, MsV
I've just read all the posts, and all I can say is that CD won't let me pm anyone for a while, + they keep telling me I have to spread the rep pts around before giving you guys any ~ great ideas, great support!
Rather than repeat all the good advice that goes before me Robyn, I'll just say that HDL's right on the mark when she suggested that you consider a roommate in the future, if expenses are getting tight...it might be the most painless way to have extra money in your life...
Right on with Aiangel_writer's description of how life everafter can be ~ yes, as your (great) friend warned you, times can be tough ~ but then you go home to your own place, filled with the warmth and love of your children.
Rest easy Robyn, you are becoming more comfortable with your strength now ~ you deserve to be happy. Hugs wrapped around you, MsV
I have talked with many church members and people I know about any furnture they or people they may know that dont need anymore, most say I dont know, but will ask their spouse. Also ask about old appliances.
One of the ladies at work, she is on vacation right now, but reachable, her husband is district mgr at Salvation Army, and she told me that good things come in all the time, people just get new things, the old is hardly used, but they have no place for it. I will call her.
Room mate. I need to feel safe as it is, first time by myself, without worrying that there may be a wack job in the house.. ;(
Though I am looking at a screen, I so do feel the hugs, thank you so much.....
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I love windchimes, but I am not allowed to have them.
Get the new place FIRST...
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