Where is the love? (girls, jealous, dump, dependent)

[MsV]

ROBYN, I would call my girlfriend and the landlord and cancel tomorrow's appt. Tell the landlord that you do not wish your ex-h to be aware of any of your plans ~ ask him what # he reached Jim at ~ I wouldn't tell him that we're all concerned about Jim's acting-out behavior ~ he might decide that it would be risky to rent to you.
Then don't say anything to Jim or anyone ~ and let Jim go there for nothing. I'm wondering if he's even planning a trip to Richmond at all...do not trust Jim. Let the landlord know you'll go see it Sunday or as soon thereafter as you can...and make sure the landlord has the correct # to reach you at.

[rockky]

Ditto MsV on the plan for damage control, Robyn.

Stress can make our brains have odd glitches. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Keep your ducks in a row, and count them often.

[sun]

I disagree about cancelling the appointment since Jim is supposed to be going out of town.
So what that he's aware that you are looking at a rental?
This might be the best landlord to rent from, and Jim will find out about where the kids are anyway. If you cancel the appointment, you might lose credibility with the owner.
I think that you should go through with it.
Jim won't show up because the owner can kick him off the property.
It's time to ignore your worries about Jim and do exactly as you planned.
Don't hide it from him since you would like to know if it were you, and giving out Jim's number was your mistake. So be open and civil because the kids are involved and they will be starting school soon.
If Jim tries to interfere, a legal complaint from anyone won't look good for him. This is about your freedom to plan your move. Just tell him that you'll see him in court and that he can take any complaints that he has up with the judge.
Everything will be fine, or things can get worse for Jim if he alienates you further.
Considering the circumstances, it seems like he's been staying civil.

[HDL]

Hey Robyn,

I'm in agreement with Sun's post. Jim is going to find out one way or another where you moved to. You might as well continue to show him that you mean business and are going to move out since he won't.

Jim may not be that bright, but you can bet 'someone' in his life is probably telling him what you might do and how to prepare for it. I say if you are scared of him, but wish to remain on good terms for the sake of your children, to be as upfront as you can if he asks and say "Yes Jim, I am looking for a place since you have decided that you will not move like we had originally agreed to".

Period. End of story. Don't deny that you are looking for a place or else he will doubt everything that you say. But don't tell him all your business either or fight with him about it regarding your decision to move. Just my thoughts, but of course only you know what is the best course of action for you and your children.

Best wishes Robyn! I hope the house turns out to be right one for you and your children . Most of all 'stay safe and get rest'!!! Hug the children bunches too !

Hugs and prayers,

~HDL~

[rockky]

HDL, I do agree with your reasoning. However, based on what Robyn shared, I am concerned with her husband's silence.

If he did indeed talk to the landlord and has not discussed the conversation with Robyn in any way...anger, threats, whatever............ I'm wondering what he may have internalized and how it will come out.

[MsV]

"if you wish to remain on good terms for the sake of your children, to be as upfront as you can if he asks and say "Yes Jim, I am looking for a place since you have decided that you will not move like we had originally agreed to".

HDL & Sun, I fully agree with these thoughts, Robyn needs to let Jim know repeatedly that she is actively looking for a place to stay...my concern is the custody issue. I think if Jim has an idea of where and when she's moving, he will bully her from taking the children. Can anyone suggest HOW she can most effectively respond to Jim the next time he says "you're not going anywhere with the kids"? It's been made quite clear by her attorney and the custody office that they each have equal rights to the kids ~ and Jim has said repeatedly that he is not letting her take the kids.

I think that if, as she has suggested, her plan is to get the place (quietly), and to prepare the papers (quietly) to apply for a custody appt for as soon after moving in as possible, then she will already have the kids with her and have more of a chance of keeping them. Although Jim said that he was going to Richmond, Robyn said she saw lumber in the back of the truck & wondered
if something else was up ~ I do not trust him.

But, yes, Robyn, you should let Jim know that you are looking for another place ~ I'm just not sure how to handle Jim when he refuses to let you take the children ~ personally, I think your moving date is the perfect time for you to file papers for a restraining order against him (goes on his record) for emotional and verbal abuse and intimidating behavior towards all of you. Hopefully no one would let the kids live with him after being served those papers.
Once again, another good dialogue on this post, processing what could be the best path for Robyn to take. Robyn, I just hope you are finding this conversation as helpful as we wish it to be... and, of course, I hope we aren't contributing to your migraines!

Thinking of you and sending hugs, prayers and positive energy ~ do whatever you feel is best! I do agree that an open confrontation with Jim at the new home would serve you well later on ~ more witnesses!

[sun]

My thinking is that if Jim ever took the kids, cinderobyn knows where the kids would be at all times when he's is working, which is at the MIL's house. So she can go there and pick up her kids anytime she wants.
The kids might be starting in a new school if she moves, and they should have the chance to start fresh from the beginning of the new school year.
Realistically, Jim is just trying to scare her from leaving. If he really wants the kids, he's going to have to fight about custody and visitation scheduling issues in court.
That one evening was all based on cinderobyn attempting to leave the state. This time the kids won't be leaving the state, and if he causes any disruption over temporary custody, as soon as he goes to work, cinderobyn can take them with her to safety.
She can call her lawyer anytime for advice, or the police, if Jim or anyone else in his family does anything unreasonable.
The kids can always temporarily visit a friend, co-worker, neighbor, relative, or another "safe haven" for hours or days if she really feels threatened, per her lawyers advice.
This is where the mind must overcome other matters that are secondary, that is, if this is indeed the right opportunity for her to leave. Time will soon tell if this is the right rental or not.
My fingers are +++++++!

[Pikantari]

OK, I have read all posts. Jim has either erased his call history or the man did not call him.

When he read the number back yesterday, 2 of the numbers were backwards, I said do you mean...?

He said, oh, yea.

He was very civil with me all evening last night, gave me money to pick up Lindsays med. He told me he wouldn't be back until later in the evening, that trip to Richmond is a long one, setting up an apt, and coming back.

He IS thinking of taking Alexander with him, to get out of the house. I said, He can stay here, I think he wants to get new library books. he said this is work he can do...work cout his muscles,, growing boy type of thing. Go do something with Lindsay today, I am sure she would love it.

Again, I don't know who calls him, but the people who do, are in there, but I did not see his mom. I should have looked more in depth...dates.times. I was in there, from Lindsay asking him to get cat food, a guy from work,, and his friend B. It really doesn't matter though, you can delete whatever you want.

He will not be in town when I go. I am going. The man did not give him an address. Only a time. Jim knows that he is not willing to move, and I did tell him it would have to me and the kids.

He said fine, you can go and take them, but they will be coming right back because a judge wont allow you to have them.

As much as he hates it, he knows I cant be with him. it is drilled into his head, Not that he is acceptant of it. Where he is going today is more than a hundred miles from where I will be, and he promised his best friend he would do it, first thing this week.

He would not go back on it. I don't worry so much that Alexander will be with him. Lots of times they do.. MAN things. Just seems like this time, I may be frantic over the situation, and I need to take myself out of frantic.

They aren't even up yet, I don't know what time they all plan on leaving. I don't know if I will have another chance at viewing this house. I think he may have said there is another person that may want to look at it sometime.

To be this far fr him will be good, to ride share would be good, different school district, good. And one they both want to be with, near a friend five miles down the road and a park across the street. nothing like that here.


THE LORD IS ON MY SIDE TODAY.

I feel that everyday, but you know, they say things happen for a reason. Maybe I went to that courthouse that day and I wasn't allowed in for a reason....maybe it was my stepping stone to get the hell out of dodge.

[HDL]

Glad you posted Robyn! I was worried what with your post earlier that the man had spoken to Jim!? Sounds like things may be going your way for once :-)

Just remember that in this life we WILL have trials and tribulations!!! God does NOT promise otherwise. But He does promise that He will help us through them, if we will put our faith and trust in HIM!

Prayers for todays' journey :-)

Hugs,

~HDL~

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by HDL

Glad you posted Robyn! I was worried what with your post earlier that the man had spoken to Jim!? Sounds like things may be going your way for once :-)

Just remember that in this life we WILL have trials and tribulations!!! God does NOT promise otherwise. But He does promise that He will help us through them, if we will put our faith and trust in HIM!

Prayers for todays journey :-)

Hugs,

~HDL~

Ya know, he may very well have, and he could have erased the call, but i am going. he will be far away. I have no idea but a general clue where the place is, and I know he doesn't know where it is...and when he says he is doing something for this friend ,,he does it.

Works all day driving then comes home and helps him build a deck at least 3 days a week. Tells him he loves him when he gets off the phone with him...they call eachother..'brothers'

Whatever. the first time I heard it I almost fell on the floor, but when a whole group of them get together, they all do it.

I am gonna go today, just like I had planned. I worried my but off when that man called me at work yesterday, I was in a total panic. But I realized...NO.

He can't do this to me. It has got to stop. Right now. My friend Im'd me last night.. can you talk, and I called her, she drove past the house, and it is nice. We will look at it today, Lindsay will be with us, Maybe Alexander...he does not like physical labor...LOL He is my scholar.

I don't know. I know I have to be careful of him, but I need to Woman up a bit too. He is a sxcary person, so I need to get away, and this may be the chance. Its not as though the man told him the details, only the time. I asked him what all he said to him.

He said he would meet me at 130

He could hardly remember the address to give me. I apologized for the loss in his family, he said, ya know, it happens. I felt bad.

He said early afternoon or late....earlier in the day, I jumped on the early!

LOL... i am starting to get a headache... at least i can smile over it....