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Not at all, I didn't feel offended by your post. Thank you. Trust me, if anyone knows how difficult it is to find a guy who doesn't want just sex, it's me. I know they're out there, just very rare.
Not at all, I didn't feel offended by your post. Thank you. Trust me, if anyone knows how difficult it is to find a guy who doesn't want just sex, it's me. I know they're out there, just very rare.
I'm curious. How old are you? Your posts make it sound like you're young.
I'm curious. How old are you? Your posts make it sound like you're young.
this is my question. I'm sorry but I think the OP is not taking responsibility for her own thoughts and actions. cry because you learned (hopefully) a lesson and not because you were used. you said it in your post, I had not had sex in a year. so you used him as much as he used you, only you didn't enjoy yourself thats all. had he rocked your world the story would have been different i think.
there is a difference between recreational sex and boy friend girl friend sex, you were looking for something other than recreational. nothing wrong with recreational sex if you are protected and view it for what it is.
get to know people in person if you are not the kind of gal who can handle recreational sex
Sometimes you can be attracted to toxic personality types. Jeez, just imagine the stories he's got to tell. You said her was texting, hmmm his girlfriend?.."Hey, looks like the weekend seminar was cancelled. C U Soon!" Or his friend...."Dude, 'nother notch on the ole gun!" Oh man, I hope you used protection! I know you know you screwed up....no use in me telling you. Next time you get desperate or lonely....remember THIS time. Don't be thinking that "Okay, got THAT out of the way, I'll just KNOW better next time." Girl, don't be talking to someone for a 2 or 3 weeks, let them know where you are, invite them to your place and have sex with them. I know it sucks, I know you're hurting, but you're not dead or maimed, and that's a damn good thing. Now....let's just hope you were careful enough to use a condom or two. Heaven only knows how often he plays this game, eh?
this is my question. I'm sorry but I think the OP is not taking responsibility for her own thoughts and actions. cry because you learned (hopefully) a lesson and not because you were used. you said it in your post, I had not had sex in a year. so you used him as much as he used you, only you didn't enjoy yourself thats all. had he rocked your world the story would have been different i think.
there is a difference between recreational sex and boy friend girl friend sex, you were looking for something other than recreational. nothing wrong with recreational sex if you are protected and view it for what it is.
get to know people in person if you are not the kind of gal who can handle recreational sex
Recreational sex is dangerous. Protection is not foolproof. Birth control can fail. You should only have sex with someone if you're willing to accept the chance of having a baby with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
Sometimes you can be attracted to toxic personality types. Jeez, just imagine the stories he's got to tell. You said her was texting, hmmm his girlfriend?.."Hey, looks like the weekend seminar was cancelled. C U Soon!" Or his friend...."Dude, 'nother notch on the ole gun!" Oh man, I hope you used protection! I know you know you screwed up....no use in me telling you. Next time you get desperate or lonely....remember THIS time. Don't be thinking that "Okay, got THAT out of the way, I'll just KNOW better next time." Girl, don't be talking to someone for a 2 or 3 weeks, let them know where you are, invite them to your place and have sex with them. I know it sucks, I know you're hurting, but you're not dead or maimed, and that's a damn good thing. Now....let's just hope you were careful enough to use a condom or two. Heaven only knows how often he plays this game, eh?
Two condoms is actually worse than using one. The friction causes the condoms to rub against each other so they're more likely to break.
And history repeated itself. It's best to refrain from having sex until you get to know someone. First the respect, then the sex.
Problem #1. You only talked to him by text, msn. Cam or I.M. or whatever for a few weeks. Then when you met face to face, you have sex. Not good. After waiting an entire year for the "right guy" you slept with him instantly. Hopefully you took an account of what you wanted in a relationship during that year, it doesn't really sound like you have. Don't beat yourself up over it, he probably wasn't the best guy for you anyhow. He's out there, next time hold off on the sex for at least 6 weeks if not longer after you meet him face to face.
You were sexually attracted to him and you acted on your impulse.
If you felt "pressured" then you just contradicted your statement above where you said you were sexually attracted to him. You shouldn't have felt pressured to do anything, and if you did there's a good reason for not having sex with someone you feel pressured into sleeping with.
He's texting, and had a gloomy face.
If he knew you wanted to take it slow, you shouldn't have slept with him. There shouldn't have been any pressure involved if he knew you weren't interested in having sex with him. Don't blame anyone because this isn't a blame situation. Not yourself, and not him. If you're not secure enough with yourself, your voice, and be direct and firm and not have sex when you feel "pressured" then you need to be single a little while longer, and not date because you're not ready.
If you make plans to go with someone for 2 days, I hope you had separate hotel rooms. If not, then there's no mystery why he felt like this was going to be a sex weekend.
You feel used and heartbroken because on your very first meeting, you have sex with a guy you really barely know. I don't care how long you texted (which is nothing), or talked on MSN (if it was I.M. that's texting too), if it was cam on MSN you should have talked to him face to face on cam long enough and about enough subjects that you shouldn't have felt pressured to sleep with him the first time you met.
Time to take a full account of what you want out of life, the kind of man you want, the kind of woman you want to be for the man you involve yourself with.
+1, you hit upon everything which needed to be said. Great post.
I know I need to respect myself more, I know that. Btw I'm 23. And I know I need to bond with a guy first before giving him my body. But sometimes I feel like if I don't have sex with the guy, he won't want me and I'll lose out on the chance of meeting a potentially good guy. I didn't lose my virginity until late in life. But even before then, men have always made reference to me in sexual ways. When I was young, older men would sexually harass me, some guys once made a bet about making me lose my virginity, heck even my first boyfriend at 14 told people he only wanted me because of my body. As I got older, the story repeated itself. Looking back at my past relationships, I also feel used. I haven't lost my faith in men, I know there are good ones out there, I just haven't met them.
Do not EVER think, feel or believe that you have to live up to someone else's standards. You have to be the best you can be for your self, and no one else.
Never give in to "pressure" - it is nothing more than someone else hoping that you do something that benefits them and not you. You make sure that your safety, your needs, your desires - are met. If the other party is not willing to stay because you don't want to play, then he/she does not deserve your company.
You have to set rules for everyone that they should honor your friendship and consider it a privilege. You also have to live by those standards. You must honor your life and your attributes. Respect them and make sure anyone else respects them.
Life is about sharing but if you're the only one who is sharing, you will be the only one who is unfulfilled.
If your arms work well but your hand are useless, the arms cannot fully fulfill their tasks. If your feet are strong but your legs are made of mud, the feet will have to bear all the weight of your body by themselves.
We as inhabitants of this world are ALL integral to its survival. We ALL have a part in this existence. No one nation or race can die out because we're all part of a greater existence.
The same way, anyone who allies him/herself with you, must honor the relationship, which ever way it goes and YOU must enforce this and eliminate anyone or anything(any habit) that is TOXIC in your life.
If it feels like I'm scolding you, so be it. But sometimes, people need a firm admonishing to make them realize how awesome they truly.
I detect a beautiful soul in the person that you are.
Be that person to yourself and for yourself.
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you said it in your post, I had not had sex in a year. so you used him as much as he used you, only you didn't enjoy yourself thats all. had he rocked your world the story would have been different i think. 
