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My dating life keeps getting worse. I haven't met anyone I really click with, most of the men I've met only want me for sex, and that's not what I'm loking for.
I just met a guy, had been talking to him for a few weeks through msn and text until we finally met. I thought everything was going fine...I hadn't had sex in a year and a half because I was just waiting for the right guy. I liked him...there was sexual attraction by my part. We had sex...mostly because I felt very pressured and felt like I had to live up to what he wanted. Because I hadn't had sex in such a long time, it was very painful and told him to just wait a bit after trying different positions. We layed in bed together, and I just closed my eyes. I felt him get up, fidget around with his things, start texting. I had a very bad feeling. When I woke up from my short nap, I turned to him, saw his gloomy face, and asked him if he was bored. He said it was a mistake that we had met, that we were at different points in our life. He was right in that, but he knew I was inexperienced and wanted to take it slow. We had 2 day plans (he had come from out of town), he was supposed to leave tomorrow, and he told me he was leaving that afternoon instead. I didn't try to hold him back or ask for any explanation, I just said ok and agreed.
I feel so used, heartbroken, sad, angry, nostalgic. We had been clicking so much for weeks and in just one hour, everything was over. I waited so long to be intimate with the right person, he took a very important part of me, and I'm left here with my self-esteem on the ground, wanting to just sleep and never wake up. I know I will eventually get over this, but I have an ache in my heart right now that's too painful to bear. I believed all the beautiful things he had told me for weeks. This is mostly my fault, I know. It still hurts though.
You weren't used. You displayed some extremely unstable behavior and your boy toy saw that and decided to avoid the train wreck. I would have done the same thing, except much sooner.
You weren't used by the way. Both of you were users but it didn't end the way you wanted to so now you want to play the "he used me" card. Take responsibility for your actions. That's what's wrong with a lot of people now.
Come on, don't put this on her! Men are like this towards most gals in their early 20s. It has nothing to do with her egging on this behavior. The difference is, the OP hasn't learned to set her own standards and therefore is more susceptible to advances from sleazy men.
Here's some information you need to know about most of the male population:
#1-Most males will sleep with any woman, any time, anywhere.
#2-Most will romance a woman, and tell her all the things she wants to hear , just to get the goods.
#3-Most have no intention of doing anything other than hitting and running.
#4-Most will even go as low as saying the three most powerful words in the English language ("I love you") just to get into a pair (or many pairs)of panties.
Why? Because it usually works!
I could go on and on! Just do yourself a favor and love yourself. That means not allowing anyone to take advantage of you. That will mean taking care of yourself, and your heart.
Good luck!
I'm a man, and I am saddened to have to say that you're right.
I have to say, I don't concur with this at all. She totally lead him on sexually while knowing she did not want to have sex. She mentioned that she has been around sexual comments all her life and knows what men want.
She has to learn not to talk sexual and to get to know a person first before going to that level.
I do appreciate all the comments, even the bad ones, though right now I have no time for those. I've been feeling horrible all day, haven't said a word, feel like in a daze. For those who said I shouldn't blame the guy because it is also my fault, I already said I know I'm partly to blame too! I know I did wrong. Still doesn't mean he had to treat me that way.
Treat you what way? Disinterested and disappointed when you acted like a complete flake in bed? Or up and leaving when he realized what he had just stepped into?
Men on the 'take' know the right words to get what they want...
When you said, you felt pressured... That was the first sign that things were going from bad to worse.
I hope you get over your feelings of being used and look for someone who is 'close by', instead of someone who is out of town and needs a place to stay-->Yours. Its not always a good way to start a relationship, when your pressured into sex, as you have found out.
What you need to do is 'network'. Find a friend of a friend, or someone you know, who has someone in mind for you. There are always eligable bachelors out there, looking for the 'right girl', and a lot of times, they maybe in your own back yard, just waiting for you to 'give them the eye' that they desperately want to see, but, may think your too 'good' for them!
I know I need to respect myself more, I know that. Btw I'm 23. And I know I need to bond with a guy first before giving him my body. But sometimes I feel like if I don't have sex with the guy, he won't want me and I'll lose out on the chance of meeting a potentially good guy. I didn't lose my virginity until late in life. But even before then, men have always made reference to me in sexual ways. When I was young, older men would sexually harass me, some guys once made a bet about making me lose my virginity, heck even my first boyfriend at 14 told people he only wanted me because of my body. As I got older, the story repeated itself. Looking back at my past relationships, I also feel used. I haven't lost my faith in men, I know there are good ones out there, I just haven't met them.
A good guy won't make you feel pressured or obligated to have sex with him, ever.
You don't need to have sex with a guy as a prelude to dating him seriously.
Where was your father growing up? You sound like a female who didn't have a father around growing up. Don't know what men expect, don't know what to expect from men, and don't quite know how to carry yourself around men while dating. And if you did grow up with a male role model in the home, I'm thinking the household was probably somewhat misogynistic for you to grow up without a strong sense of self as a female. A young female absolutely needs a father growing up, or else she risks having relationships with men based on sex with no emotional attachment, and having her self esteem destroyed by superficial sexual flings.
You're strong enough to handle whatever comes your way lila. You're a woman afterall. It will just take some time for you to grow and develop yourself emotionally to be able to handle dating situations where you feel insecure not knowing how to direct the flow of communication instead of being controlled by it.
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