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Well, I think my point was that in these particular scenarios, I wasn't initially attracted to the girl. Over time, however, as I began to know them more, I developed feelings for the girl.
This doesn't happen all the time. In fact, it hasn't happened that often. But, in those cases, I didn't see them as a date at first, so I wouldn't have gone for them right off the bat.
This is exactly the point I've been trying to get across. You need to get to know someone in order to realize whether or not you have feelings for them.
This seems to be pretty close to the truth, at least in my experience. Aside from my latest failure (where the girl genuinely seems to want to stay friends... maybe that's one of the 10% cases), each other has resulted in essentially the termination of the friendship.
I realize that admitting feelings for a friend might ruin the friendship. But I honestly don't know why. If you admit to a friend that you have feelings for her, why would she hold that against you to the point where she no longer wants to be friends?
I realize that admitting feelings for a friend might ruin the friendship. But I honestly don't know why. If you admit to a friend that you have feelings for her, why would she hold that against you to the point where she no longer wants to be friends?
Because it crosses the Holy of Holies - The Invisible Line.
Eh, I wouldn't necessarily call it lack of courage or self-esteem; it's just your Way. The trick is to be in harmony with your own particular "operating system" so that you don't get the dreaded Blue Screen of Death.
I'm pretty much the same - I "go with the flow" and don't aggressively pursue someone unless they REALLY knock my socks off. That's happened maybe 4-5 times in my life. The rest of the time I can take it or leave it...it's when they really make an impact on me that all of that storybook stuff happens - shortness of breath, glazed expression, walking into walls, etc. - as opposed to the run-of-the-mill, "Eh, she's kinda nice"-type of attraction.
One is just a firecracker - the other, a weapon of mass destruction.
Maybe you could look into differentiating the feelings you get (and subsequently act upon) from those two ends of the spectrum...at least it might help you qualify which one is worth losing sleep over.
Unfortunately, I have had 0 success with this approach so far. I never made any attempts in high school (because I was very shy), so this is all based on my 2.5 years of college. I'm 0 for 3 with my major crushes, and 0 for 2 on the more ordinary ones. I think I've learned a little bit (or even a lot) from each one. But, the lack of success troubles me. I really do want to be with someone.
And I feel that I could increase my chances if I could muster up the courage and approach random girls around campus/in class. But, I'm always afraid of the rejection and the prospects of things being awkward. So, all of my attempts have been with friends -- or if not 'friends', then acquaintances who I've gotten to know a little.
To all the nice guys out there. Just be the a$$hole that god intended you to be as opposed to the "nice" guy society brainwashed you to be. What difference does it make?You weren't getting girls by being nice anyway, at least when your a selfish a-hole who has stoped caring about pleasing other people you will be able to be happy with just yourself and a bottle of jack. It's YOUR life, so from now on just live to make yourself happy(you don't need anybody else to make you happy). Being self-indulgent will put a smile on your face. If anything you can cut the foreplay and just pay for it. Being single is a good thing, be happy about being able to focus 100% on what makes you happy. When they see how happy you can be by yourself they will try to come into your life to wipe that smile off your face.
When they tell me "your an a$$hole", I reply "I know"
I know 2 people my age (college sophomore) that were friends in high school and they just recently became a couple. Proof that you can start out as friends.
To all the nice guys out there. Just be the a$$hole that god intended you to be as opposed to the "nice" guy society brainwashed you to be. What difference does it make?You weren't getting girls by being nice anyway, at least when your a selfish a-hole who has stoped caring about pleasing other people you will be able to be happy with just yourself and a bottle of jack. It's YOUR life, so from now on just live to make yourself happy(you don't need anybody else to make you happy). Being self-indulgent will put a smile on your face. If anything you can cut the foreplay and just pay for it. Being single is a good thing, be happy about being able to focus 100% on what makes you happy. When they see how happy you can be by yourself they will try to come into your life to wipe that smile off your face.
When they tell me "your an a$$hole", I reply "I know"
But... that's just subscribing to some form of ethical egoism. And I would never do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
I know 2 people my age (college sophomore) that were friends in high school and they just recently became a couple. Proof that you can start out as friends.
I don't think anyone is saying that it is impossible for relationships to form from friendships. Certainly not. I think people are merely saying that it is not very common.
I don't think anyone is saying that it is impossible for relationships to form from friendships. Certainly not. I think people are merely saying that it is not very common.
Exactly!
I have personally had relationships with girls that started off friends, and I still say that it's not the norm, by any stretch!
I realize that admitting feelings for a friend might ruin the friendship. But I honestly don't know why. If you admit to a friend that you have feelings for her, why would she hold that against you to the point where she no longer wants to be friends?
Probably because she'd worry that anything you did with her was an attempt to woo her as opposed to just being a friend.
I have numerous female friends who I'm not interested in, and would never consider a relationship with. In those situations, I react to them quite differently than I would towards a girl who I'm thinking of dating. Like, I'm not going to suggest that, while out on a shopping trip, we go for a dinner at an intimately-lit date spot. I'm not going to suggest we go find a scenic outlook over the city where I know there's a bench where we can snuggle up. I may suggest we get a bite to eat, but it'll be a normal spot. I may suggest we go up to that scenic outlook, but I'm not planning on anything more than a walk and a conversation.
I'm not even going to bother reading any of the other posts. IT'S A LIE.
Any woman who is being honest with herself will admit that what they are looking for is someone who they find attractive. What it is that they find attractive will vary with each girl just like it varies with each guy but I will tell you right now that no woman makes you her friend if they want to f- you.
Get yourself some guy friends, go out with THEM and start talking to girls that you find attractive instead of hanging out with women. They're no good for you and will only sabotage your sex/dating/love life while they tell you things like, "you're such a nice guy and I just want to see you with someone who deserves you" or "I don't want to complicate things" or "I don't want to ruin our friendship" while turning you down.
If you can't get guy friends, talk to women on your own. Though this will only work at regular places like the store; if you go out to a club by yourself you will appear either creepy or pathetic.
I'll do you a HUGE favor and even plan it out for you. Go out with at least one male friend to a place that has dancing and serves alcohol. Ask a girl to dance and, if she says yes, ask another and another as long as they are saying yes. If you get shot down twice, stop asking and relax with a few drinks.
A pair of girls will arrive late enough to not see you get shot down. One will be prettier than the other but the other one is still pretty. Don't set your sights on the pretty one. In fact, ignore her and only look at her friend. Don't stalk her but make sure that you find excuses to glance her way all night.
At the end of the night, everyone will be clamering to talk to her friend. Muster up your guts and go talk to the girl you've been looking at all night. Let her know that you've been looking at her all night and ask her for her number so you can call her sometime. If she doesn't give it to you, tell her that this is too good an opportunity to be missed and that you at least want her to have your phone number. Give it to her. If she calls cool, if not, try it again with a different girl the next time you go out.
If she DOES give you her number, call her a few days later and have an actual conversation. See how that goes. If it goes well, make plans with her. In fact, ask her if she wants to do something during the day that you're both interested in. That at least gets you started dating. Hope it helps.
mush good advice lies in this post. i've made the mistake too of thinking that having lots of female friends will be great because they'll introduce me to their "hot" friends and all will be well. now i realize that it's just a fantasy and a total waste of time. not saying that men and women can't be friends - they can, it's just that no great purpose is served and you'll probably have a better time with your guy friends anyway.
so yeah, if you want to meet girls, go with your male buddies. from what i've observed it just makes you look better in the eyes of the women. that said, i must disagree with the above poster when it comes to goin out alone. i've done it before and do it often when my buddies are up to un-interesting things or just out of town. never had a problem meeting girls, most have never even bothered to ask if i was there with someone. if they do, just say 'i'm new in town so don't know that many people yet'. works everytime.
some of my best nights out have been when i was alone. i've ended up making out with 10s, gotten numbers, dances, whatever. just be out to have a good time and things will happen.
also - don't bother giving your number out to a chic, if she refuses to give you her number, take that as a hint and move along. you can take it on good faith that she will never, ever call if you give her your number - unless you're a rock star, hehe.
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