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My instinct just tells me it's creepy to ask a girl out right after meeting her. Another poster started a thread called "Never again will I say yes to a man that asks me out 5 minutes after meeting me" or something along those lines.
If I asked a girl out right away, she would probably be thinking:
"How can he be interested in me? He just met me. Why is he talking to me? Is he just talking to me because he wants to date me?"
If the title of this thread is true and girls like to start out as friends first, that's good news for me.
When I first see someone, I might think they're hot/cute. But I wouldn't know yet if I want to date them. I might view them as a potential date, but I would have to get to know them before I know whether or not I want to date them.
Finding out if you want to date someone is what a date is. What are you doing that is so important that makes you think going on a date that ends up not up your standards would be a waste of time?
I'm not even going to bother reading any of the other posts. IT'S A LIE.
Any woman who is being honest with herself will admit that what they are looking for is someone who they find attractive. What it is that they find attractive will vary with each girl just like it varies with each guy but I will tell you right now that no woman makes you her friend if they want to f- you.
Get yourself some guy friends, go out with THEM and start talking to girls that you find attractive instead of hanging out with women. They're no good for you and will only sabotage your sex/dating/love life while they tell you things like, "you're such a nice guy and I just want to see you with someone who deserves you" or "I don't want to complicate things" or "I don't want to ruin our friendship" while turning you down.
If you can't get guy friends, talk to women on your own. Though this will only work at regular places like the store; if you go out to a club by yourself you will appear either creepy or pathetic.
I'll do you a HUGE favor and even plan it out for you. Go out with at least one male friend to a place that has dancing and serves alcohol. Ask a girl to dance and, if she says yes, ask another and another as long as they are saying yes. If you get shot down twice, stop asking and relax with a few drinks.
A pair of girls will arrive late enough to not see you get shot down. One will be prettier than the other but the other one is still pretty. Don't set your sights on the pretty one. In fact, ignore her and only look at her friend. Don't stalk her but make sure that you find excuses to glance her way all night.
At the end of the night, everyone will be clamering to talk to her friend. Muster up your guts and go talk to the girl you've been looking at all night. Let her know that you've been looking at her all night and ask her for her number so you can call her sometime. If she doesn't give it to you, tell her that this is too good an opportunity to be missed and that you at least want her to have your phone number. Give it to her. If she calls cool, if not, try it again with a different girl the next time you go out.
If she DOES give you her number, call her a few days later and have an actual conversation. See how that goes. If it goes well, make plans with her. In fact, ask her if she wants to do something during the day that you're both interested in. That at least gets you started dating. Hope it helps.
Finding out if you want to date someone is what a date is. What are you doing that is so important that makes you think going on a date that ends up not up your standards would be a waste of time?
That might be how you view a date. But I think differently. I want to start out as friends and then decide if she's worthy of dating. The initial friendship is how I find out if I want to date someone. I'm not going to date someone I just met. That would be a waste of time. Why not just start out as friends and then see if I want to date her once I get to know her? If you date someone right after meeting them and the date doesn't go well, you might ruin a potential friendship. Whereas if you just waited and got to know her as a friend, you would realize she's not worthy of dating but you could stay friends.
I have a thread about how couples are glorified friends. Your definition of dating definitely sounds like glorified friends. No, wait. It doesn't even sound like glorified friends. It just sounds like friends.
This is how I think the series of events should go:
1. start out as friends
2. see if you want to be more than friends once you get to know her
3. if you want to be more than friends, that's when you should start dating
I don't use a date to find out if someone's dating material. If I ever get a date, it will be after I already decided someone's dating material. The date is just an excuse to spend time with them and try to get a relationship started.
When I was in 7th grade, I was extremely shallow, and I was too shy to talk to girls. All I cared about was looks. One of my friends said you have to get to know a girl first before you become a couple. I didn't agree with him at the time, but now I realize he was right.
Using your definition of date, I "date" a girl every time we get to know each other as friends.
This is how I think the series of events should go:
1. start out as friends
2. see if you want to be more than friends once you get to know her
3. if you want to be more than friends, that's when you should start dating
I don't use a date to find out if someone's dating material. If I ever get a date, it will be after I already decided someone's dating material. The date is just an excuse to spend time with them and try to get a relationship started.
And how's that working for you?
Quote:
I "date" a girl every time we get to know each other as friends.
When was the last time that happened again? 5th grade?
Not working very well. Mainly because I'm afraid to ask a girl out.
Quote:
When was the last time that happened again? 5th grade?
You're missing the point. According to tribecavsbrowns, a date is when you decide if someone's dating material. But I subconsciously do this when I get to know a girl as friends. I make judgments and decide if I want to be more than friends. I'm pretty sure she does the same thing too. We don't call it a date, but it's essentially the same thing tribecavsbrowns is describing. If the girl comes to the conclusion that she wants to be more than friends, it would be because she got to know me and there was something about me that made her yearn to be more than friends. If only it were more socially acceptable for a female to ask a male out. For all I know, girls might be into me but they're just waiting for me to make the first move.
Starting out as friends makes perfect sense. In order to be more than friends, you have to be friends first.
Not working very well. Mainly because I'm afraid to ask a girl out.
Well, there we go! And even though I'm not your age, I highly doubt a girl of any age cares for guys wearing "girl pants," for instance. I have to say I was wrong about what I said in private... If you keep up with your current views and attitudes, you WILL end up like our other well-known friend!
Well, there we go! And even though I'm not your age, I highly doubt a girl of any age cares for guys wearing "girl pants," for instance. I have to say I was wrong about what I said in private... If you keep up with your current views and attitudes, you WILL end up like our other well-known friend!
I've been over this before. Girls are all over celebrity boys in girl pants. If I was famous, girls would be all over me.
And some girls are into non-celebrity boys in girl pants too. I used to not understand why males would wear girl pants, so I asked some girls if they're attracted to guys in girl pants (but I was asking them in a "how could you possibly be attracted to that?" type of way). Some of them said it's hot.
Not working very well. Mainly because I'm afraid to ask a girl out.
You're missing the point. According to tribecavsbrowns, a date is when you decide if someone's dating material. But I subconsciously do this when I get to know a girl as friends. I make judgments and decide if I want to be more than friends. I'm pretty sure she does the same thing too. We don't call it a date, but it's essentially the same thing tribecavsbrowns is describing. If the girl comes to the conclusion that she wants to be more than friends, it would be because she got to know me and there was something about me that made her yearn to be more than friends. If only it were more socially acceptable for a female to ask a male out. For all I know, girls might be into me but they're just waiting for me to make the first move.
Starting out as friends makes perfect sense. In order to be more than friends, you have to be friends first.
So asking a girl out for a coffee for 45 minutes is a "waste of time," but you'll be "friends" with a girl (i.e., go to the mall and shop for women's pants with her) indefinitely before you "decide" whether she's "worth" dating.
I think that's my cue to leave. I'm not a licensed shrink, I can't help this kid.
Not working very well. Mainly because I'm afraid to ask a girl out.
You're missing the point. According to tribecavsbrowns, a date is when you decide if someone's dating material. But I subconsciously do this when I get to know a girl as friends. I make judgments and decide if I want to be more than friends. I'm pretty sure she does the same thing too. We don't call it a date, but it's essentially the same thing tribecavsbrowns is describing. If the girl comes to the conclusion that she wants to be more than friends, it would be because she got to know me and there was something about me that made her yearn to be more than friends. If only it were more socially acceptable for a female to ask a male out. For all I know, girls might be into me but they're just waiting for me to make the first move.
Starting out as friends makes perfect sense. In order to be more than friends, you have to be friends first.
no no no!
I and a few others in this thread have mentioned a few times that if you're in the friend zone, you're stuck there. Most of us don't need a "friendship" with the opposite sex to decide if we want to bone each other and start a relationship, because that's what "dating" is for. If I'm friends with a guy, he's a friend just like any other friend and I would be very offended if a guy I was friends with was sizing me up on whether or not I'm girlfriend material, rather than being a good friend to me instead. I've been put in this position by a few guy "friends" and lets just say, they're not my friends anymore. They turned into douches when I never let it go further. Anyways, no girl is sizing you up to date you once she's made you her buddy. If she likes you, she's dying for you to ask her out already, not hang out and go shopping together.
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I have to say I was wrong about what I said in private... If you keep up with your current views and attitudes, you WILL end up like our other well-known friend!
