Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In fairness, it's a bit taboo for a mother to admit she regrets having her child. I do know a couple of women who have admitted it and it's disturbing to hear. I'm sure there's lots of women who secretly wish they could hit "rewind". And when you look at how some people parent, it's pretty obvious that they don't enjoy parenting one bit.
Take my mother, for example. Even though it has never been uttered out loud, there's no doubt in my mind that I was an unhappy surprise.
Good post, and thank you for your honesty, it must be a difficult thing to know about your own parent. For those who say a poor innocent baby will be the one to suffer if his gf chooses an abortion, I'm just wondering how....a baby who is not born does not know suffering, that is something only living things can experience. Is it better to be born to a parent who deep down felt as boodhabunny's mother did and to have the child sense that? I don't think, I KNOW buddhabunny is exactly right in her assertion that while it is taboo for a mother to admit, there are more than a few who wish they could hit rewind.
I have a family member (won't say how she's related) who had so much trouble with her kids...one died at 19 suddenly from an illness, the youngest became schizophrenic in his 20's and caused them much grief, the oldest has always been out of her mind and also caused them much grief, and the second, the only one who seems to have a "normal" life, definitely has OCD which is sometimes hard to take. She told my mother that if she had to do it all over again, she would not have had kids. She would have instead attended college and gotten herself a nice job and enjoyed her life. I can't say that I blame her knowing in much greater detail about the issues I touched on above how much she has dealt with over the years.
Make sure you don't coerce her into something she doesn't want. She is the one who must live with the decision she makes. She has to be the one who wants the abortion because she, alone, must give consent and she, alone, will live with whatever the fallout from that may be in her life.
Whatever the decision, I hope it is the right one for her. I know too well what can happen when it's not.
Please consider that she will have to live with this decision. Do not push her into something she does not want.
Suffice it to say, emotionally healthy people do not find themselves in this situation THREE times
Not to be rude or anything, but I would get her mental state checked out. I do not know one single, mentally healthy woman who would volunteer to abort a child she wants because her long distance BF wants her to.
Unless she actually wants to abort, but doesn't want to be the one to make that decision. If she puts it on his shoulders, she can transfer her feelings of guilt onto him.
Based on the other things we know about her, she sounds like a very weak and ignorant young woman.
<thinking>
Or maybe she doesn't want to have the baby unless he's on board and will be a partner with her. I think a lot of (most?) abortions happen when the man has made it clear he doesn't want it.
Last edited by boodhabunny; 01-30-2011 at 09:53 PM..
ok, i know all about it's up to her and i have no so, so let's keep that out and she's giving me the option. I can not take it if there is a baby out there that is mine and i'm not taking care of it. SO! my question is because of our situation what would you do? Given that the option is there to abort or not and no adoption. There are too many kids out there that needs an adoption or and too many unwanted child out there that needs a home i don't need to add to that.
Please post your comment in regards the SITUATION and not the relationship Thank you.
With all of the birth control available ( you can do multiple to cover your asses), this still happens. So killing the child is better for you than giving it a better home? Newborn babies will have no problem finding parents.
In fairness, it's a bit taboo for a mother to admit she regrets having her child. I do know a couple of women who have admitted it and it's disturbing to hear. I'm sure there's lots of women who secretly wish they could hit "rewind". And when you look at how some people parent, it's pretty obvious that they don't enjoy parenting one bit.
Take my mother, for example. Even though it has never been uttered out loud, there's no doubt in my mind that I was an unhappy surprise.
My mother was also one of those women that regrets having myself and my middle brother. It seems in her family, there are some of her relatives that regret having their children. Some of the women in her family weren't cut out to be mothers.
My mother was also one of those women that regrets having myself and my middle brother. It seems in her family, there are some of her relatives that regret having their children. Some of the women in her family weren't cut out to be mothers.
I have a family member (won't say how she's related) who had so much trouble with her kids...one died at 19 suddenly from an illness, the youngest became schizophrenic in his 20's and caused them much grief, the oldest has always been out of her mind and also caused them much grief, and the second, the only one who seems to have a "normal" life, definitely has OCD which is sometimes hard to take. She told my mother that if she had to do it all over again, she would not have had kids. She would have instead attended college and gotten herself a nice job and enjoyed her life. I can't say that I blame her knowing in much greater detail about the issues I touched on above how much she has dealt with over the years.
That is so sad... and pretty much my worst fears if I were ever to become a parent. You can't control these things. All that wasted time and effort.
As everybody knows you can get prego while on birth-control. so it doesn't matter in this case. It is what it is and yes she was on BC the depo shot.
The failure rate with the depo shot is supposed to be very very low when taken correctly. I gather that means the woman needs to go have her shots on time and not postpone the visit to the doctor, which probably screws up the cycle. Do you know if she was taking it on time or did she miss an appointment?
Also, I wonder if you've read about what effects depo can have on a fetus. What did the doctor tell her about potential fetal abnormalities (etc.) and what did the discussions between the two of you entail?
That is so sad... and pretty much my worst fears if I were ever to become a parent. You can't control these things. All that wasted time and effort.
True enough...it's much more complicated nowadays considering the increased life expectancy and advances in medicine. Just 200 short years ago the average life expectancy for example of the Lenape Indians who settled in NJ was 35. And very sick kids with chronic illnesses being kept alive was nonexistent.
I'm sorry but human beings were not designed biologically and otherwise to deal with what some people are facing these days. In fact my mother was telling me that years ago if you had a child with a problem who was either very physically or mentally incapacitated, that person would just "disappear." Someone would say, "Hey what happened to Joe? Haven't seen him around lately." To which those in the know who either helped get rid of Joe or knew about it would reply, "Joe who?" Seriously. And it was just understood and you stopped asking questions.
People just didn't live as long years ago, and before medications such as the ones we have today were developed, people who for example were mentally ill would, well, off themselves so the "problem" would take care of itself, if you know what I mean.
Losing a son at such a young age was difficult, but probably not nearly as bad as dealing with the youngest when he became schizophrenic. Ended up in jail at one point out of state which was the best place for him and for his mother.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
