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It's not really up to you, it's her decision. And since you already say she'll be happy having the baby, you might as well pull up your bootstraps, and get to work. Use your AA and see if you can get some gainful employment. You can put school on hold for now because you're still young, and school doesn't disappear. You can always go back.
I think you should seriously start thinking about having a long-term future with your girlfriend. You've been together for so long, why not just tie the knot and get married? Move in with her, have a family, settle down. Get employed to help her out. It never sounds good to put doing something on the back burner, but what's more important? This is your child and your future.
That's the last thing the OP needs to be concerned about. His focus needs to be on making sure that he doesn't get saddled with a child.
Look, T84, you seem to be a somewhat self aware guy. You obviously understand that between the two of you, you don't have a single job, any relevant education, or a place to live. That's no situation for a single kid to be in, much less three. Completing your education while providing for one child would be insanely difficult and absolutely impossible as the defacto father of three in your situation. Hell, where would you even go? This is a long distance relationship, so you'd basically be relegated to paying for the baby and infrequent interaction with it. Your family doesn't like her so I bet your parents would entertain the notion of her and her 3 kids moving in with you for about a nanosecond. Who knows how her parents feel. You obviously can't get your own place with no jobs between the two of you. This would be a cluster**** of epic proportions no matter how you slice it.
The cold, hard truth of the matter is neither one of you is in any position to be parents. Your girlfriend already made her choices, but you still have a chance. If having an abortion results in the end of your relationship, so be it. It's probably the best thing for you. Either way, I can show you enough guys who went down this road and regretted it to fill a football stadium. I know you think you and her will be different, but you won't.
You may find this hard to believe but HER feelings on the matter matter too!!!
He chose to have sex with her and if she chooses to keep the baby, he's paying child support. Period. He took the risk and now it may be time to pay the piper.
My point was that if he succeeded in getting her to abort, against her wishes, she will hate him. Seriously, you'd have to be one ****ty person to coerce someone into aborting against her wishes. Someone who would do that doesn't care much about you. And if she ends up hating him, she will have to live with the abortion she now regrets for the rest of her life. Do you really think that doesn't matter?????
She has to live with this until the day she dies either way. He won't be the one who killed his uborn child, she will be. After all, the final decision is hers. If abortion is not the right choice for her, this decision could destroy her life. Post aborted women are more likely to become alcoholics and child abusers and odds have it that the relationship will not survive the abortion so if she does it for him it will be all for naught.
If they were discussing her getting pregnant, I'd advise against it but the deed is done. There are major ramifications with either decision now. There is no easy way out. They have to choose the path that causes the least harm. She has to decide which decision she can live with regretting later if she comes to regret the decision. This is not his decision to make. It's hers because she has to live with it. He can walk away. She can't. She will either choose to have this child and live with that or choose to have her unborn child killed and live with that. He can pack up right now and move to another state. She is stuck. It's her decision and she has to do what is best for her not what is best for him. I know first hand that the guilt of a regretted abortion can tear a woman apart for decades to come. If there is any doubt in her mind that that is not the right decision for her, she needs to continue the pregnancy. Adoption would be best if she does. I'm not sure why that's not on the table here.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-29-2011 at 06:25 PM..
Keep the baby. You never know some parents I know say their best child was the accidental one.
Dd#2 is our surprise baby. She's not an accident. She was a surprise. An accident is something you wish had never happened. A surprise is something you didn't know you wanted until you got it. I can't imagine life without her.
Current 2 kids having no father, and having no foundation to grow on. I feel like i have to supply that playing the role that i am.
You need to change this attitude right now. You don't have even the SLIGHTEST obligation to be a father to these kids that aren't yours. We've discussed this ad nausem in the "captain save a ho" threads and believe me, nothing good ever comes from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
He chose to have sex with her and if she chooses to keep the baby, he's paying child support. Period. He took the risk and now it may be time to pay the piper.
No ****. Luckily for him, it appears he can sway the decision away from that.
Quote:
My point was that if he succeeded in getting her to abort, against her wishes, she will hate him. Seriously, you'd have to be one ****ty person to coerce someone into aborting against her wishes. Someone who would do that doesn't care much about you. And if she ends up hating him, she will have to live with the abortion she now regrets for the rest of her life. Do you really think that doesn't matter?????
Nope, it doesn't matter. That's her problem to deal with.
You need to change this attitude right now. You don't have even the SLIGHTEST obligation to be a father to these kids that aren't yours. We've discussed this ad nausem in the "captain save a ho" threads and believe me, nothing good ever comes from it.
No ****. Luckily for him, it appears he can sway the decision away from that.
Nope, it doesn't matter. That's her problem to deal with.
Does she not matter at all to you??? She has to live with this decision. He doesn't. She is a human being. Her feelings are worth considering.
T84, some on this thread are using the phrase '''...to be a father.." You already are a father: the father of your unborn child. And you've said that before she conceived your child you were already planning to take on the parenting of the two children she already has, which is in my way of thinking a quite loving and generous thing.
I hope you decide to encourage her in not ending your baby's life. She is the one who will give birth, but you are the father of that child.
Of course not. And why would she? I don't know this woman or anything about her other than the few scants details the OP has given us, and my advice wouldn't change even if that did.
Quote:
She has to live with this decision.
Awesome. She can join the millions of other women who've had abortions and dealt with the repercussions.
Are you sure adoption isn't a viable option? I know SO many couples who would love to adopt and wait on lists and make huge financial and emotional investments trying to adopt a baby.
This situation is just so sad. It's too bad that your family feels the need to write her off because "she's ugly" and has two kids.
You're right, if she did maintain the pregnancy and keep the baby and you stayed involved you would be parenting 3 children, not just one, and that is a huge responsibility. But, seriously, did this random possibility never cross your mind when you started having sex with her on a regular basis? She was never going to STOP being a mother to her children. Did you just think that you weren't going to have a long term relationship with her?
Regardless of the outcome here, I am pretty sure that you have learned the value of double and triple pregnancy prevention for the future.
PS. If a woman misses her next shot on Depo there is a hormonal window of opportunity to become pregnant. So if she missed the appointment or even had it scheduled a little later than she needed the shot become ineffective.
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And if she ends up hating him, she will have to live with the abortion she now regrets for the rest of her life. Do you really think that doesn't matter????? 
